


~ Comeback ~

by anastacianott



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU of the end, Asgard, Brotherly Bonding, Gen, Guilty Thor, Loki Feels, Major Character Injury, Not all of them, Odin's A+ Parenting, Oh Odin..., People of Asgard are not so bad, Poor Loki, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Protective Thor, Thor Feels, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 64,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2605772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastacianott/pseuds/anastacianott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Coming back for Loki's abandoned body led to the most incredible results Thor could ever imagine. Post Thor TDW.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Impossibility

~ Chapter 1 ~  
  
Impossibility  
  
Thor dreaded this moment. No one would ever dare to call him a coward and indeed, he _wasn't_. All his life he run to face any dangers, any foe head on without fear. Only that… To face no physical enemy but what pains your heart is no easy thing.  
  
Three days have passed since he came back from battle on Midgard, from defeating Malekith and getting rid of the danger to the Nine Realms. Three days as he left Jane, again. But no matter how much he wanted to stay with her, forget what happened, be at peace not remembering the losses he faced - he couldn't. Many things needed a closure, needed being taken care of. Thor must return to Asgard, speak with his father, see to his home's healing after Dark Elves' attack... be a _prince_ his people expected him to be.  
  
And… the one he had left in Svartalfheim needed to be brought home.  
  
Thor tried not to think of his actions regarding Loki, because it was still raw, still painful. It was still an open wound. Pretending to be fine helped no one. Especially not Thor.  
  
Guilt. It was eating at his soul the whole time since he left Asgard. Guilt from which it was impossible to escape. He loved Jane and it was not her fault, but he was guilty of bringing her in his home. Guilty of holding her in higher regard than his own people – when palace was being destroyed, when people were killed, great beauty of the realm turned to dust. Because of his actions his mother was murdered – the woman he knew his whole life, who was a permanent figure, who you could rely on, _always_ … Gone. Thor's actions – be they direct or not - resulted in her death. Loki was right. His brother spoke cruelly and aiming to hurt but he was right – Frigga relied on him, trusted him. And where _was_ he? Where was he when most needed? He failed. Failed everyone.  
  
Then Loki. Thor couldn't run from so many regrets regarding his brother no matter how desperately he tried, no matter how unsuccessfully he justified his actions. It was of no use. In that time in prison cell Thor felt nothing seeing his brother for the first time _in years_ after he was put there, nor did he care for Loki's appearance. They have just lost their mother! Thor did not let himself overthink much about the fact that Loki should have been there standing beside him at her funeral. He just didn't think. Coming to the dungeon Thor spoke bluntly and heartlessly, wishing Loki to feel even worse than he already did by the looks of the state of his destroyed cell. Thor regretted also that Loki was _alone_ in his grief for mother, that there was no one for him but his own thoughts. Thor hadn't even humored the thought of visiting Loki _ever_ and in that time, he felt good about it. Not _good_ , but… it felt right. But oh how he wished it wasn't so! How he wished he visited him, liked he it or not! Those moments they were together turned out to be so short. And walking beside Loki Thor _ignored him_. If he had known he would never see Loki again, that he would lose him forever in so short a time – a day! – he would have watched his every move, tried to remember his every expression. Hell, he would have thought about something – _anything_ – as not to involve him at all! And thus, not feeling bitterly guilty for leading Loki to his demise.  
  
Thor made so many mistakes. Most dishonorable was not even going against his father's orders. No. It was abandoning Loki's body in the Dark World. It felt so disrespectful to leave his brother there after everything he has done, after his sacrifice. Loki did _everything_ Thor asked of him, he played his role well. And the moment Loki was sucked into the vortex, Thor felt his heart freeze. He was so relieved he got there in time. Because never – never again – Thor would see Loki fall and do nothing about it as he did on Bifrost. Loki fought their enemies, he even saved Jane! Thor couldn't ask him for more.  
  
Standing side by side, like so many times before, Thor felt his heart breaking. He struggled to stand his ground, but Loki… Loki made the cruel beautiful hope light up in his chest. Hope for reuniting, hope for giving each other one last chance. They had no need for more. And Thor saw it in Loki's eyes – his brother _wanted_ it too. No matter the past – in that moment they both wanted a new future, both gave their silent consent to try start anew. It was meant to be difficult, to be done with so much effort, past actions put behind them. They were both ready to _listen_.  
  
Thor tried not to think that fighting Kurse could have possibly resulted in his death. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Thor knew he could fail. But what he also knew was that he was the most capable of defeating him. So that was why Thor ordered Loki not to engage. It was not that Thor didn't trust in his brother's strength. No. But Loki was only fresh out of his cell, his mind could be sharp as ever but surely his body lost some speed and durability with no exercises or training in that white room.  
  
Loki proved him wrong however, as between beats, Thunderer saw Loki quickly disposing of Dark Elves that were many against one Loki. Only Kurse remained. Thor said he would fight him so Loki would stay away and protect Jane. Until that moment Loki did everything right.  
  
He only didn't listen _once_. And it cost him his life.  
  
And later when Thor thought about it, he felt most useless once more. Because in the end Loki – not Thor – was smart enough to take them from Asgard by secret passages no one else knew about, Loki – not Thor – was there to protect Jane (even if he didn't want to but nonetheless did) so she would use her science to stop Malekith on Midgard, Loki – and not the son Frigga trusted, her only son by blood - avenged their mother, killed the monster who took her from them, made Kurse _pay_ …  
  
 _What did Thor do?_  
  
He let those precious to him who he swore to protect die, he let his family be torn apart, he conspired against his father and made even the most trusted subjects betray their king for his own selfish plans, he became a traitor and made his friends follow his lead, he may have in his mind saving Asgard but did not hesitate to add to the ruins himself.  
  
He was not fast enough and let Frigga die. He was not strong enough and Loki died because of him.  
  
Thor had so many victories that resulted in grand feasts and joyful times celebrated by all of Asgard. This victory will not be celebrated. Asgard has not come out of shock yet. As for their Prince – a 'victory' left a bitter taste in his mouth, a hole in his heart and future he did not want to face. Alone because his father became violent, unstable and most angry. The queen was not there to calm him, to guide him. His son betrayed his trust. His other son dead. Overall, _defeat_ was a more suitable word.  
  
-O.O-  
  
He had to come back. He had no right to stall any longer. His shame was unimportant, it didn't matter that he was afraid to face his failure; his not wanting to say goodbye. _He_ didn't matter. Loki must be brought back home.  
  
Thor wished not to tell his father that he would leave to Svartalfheim. He didn't know how Odin would react and most importantly he didn't _want_ to risk it if his father denied him. Odin could be thinking of Loki all he wanted, but Thor would not let his father's madness rob his brother of the last thing he deserved. Loki died with honor. _That_ Odin could not ignore. Thor would not let him.  
  
And why must past matter _now_ when life is gone? They can only honor Loki's memory for what he managed to do and it was saving them all.  
  
Fortunately, Odin chose to indulge in Thor's request and not even listening to the end gave his son a curt nod and left, not looking back. Thor was grateful if a little disappointed.  
  
Taking two Einherjar with him next day Thor left to Bifrost.  
  
Seeing Heimdall on his spot did not surprise Thor. Asgard needed her gatekeeper and even Odin had no one to replace him. Seeing a black bracelet on man's hand was a surprise however. Asgardian Prince remembered seeing this kind of shackle from a book he read years ago wanting to know about Loki's restrains, put on him on his trial. Loki's were magical chains that prevented him from using his seidr, trapping its flow inside the body. Out of curiosity Thor read (a small bitter smile appeared on Thor's face remembering long gone memory of Loki telling him that Thor was incapable of reading and if he would ever read a _whole_ book then it was a cause of celebrating the day for the rest of their long lives as something impossible) what other kinds of bounds there were. It surprised the Thunder God just how many different kinds of magic existed alongside with people who wielded it. Thor had no idea because he never was interested in magic. He only called it tricks to Loki's aggravation and quiet anger because he didn't know better. Now he knew how _powerful and dangerous_ Loki's abilities in the art were if Odin chose to use magical chains of a special caliber Thor read about.  
  
Heimdall had to pay for his treason and for helping Thor escape. Now his friend wore a single black bracelet that not only showed a sign of shame in the runes covering it, but also had absolute control over what Heimdall did. No more could Heimdall open the Bifrost without contacting the king, like he did in that cursed trip to Jotunheim. No more was Heimdall free in his decisions about Asgard's defenses. Nor was he free to leave Observatory like he sometimes did. He was bound utterly and completely to Bifrost and to king's will. Even the smallest disobeying was punished by pain released from a bracelet. And no one aside from King of Asgard could release Heimdall.  
  
Thor promised himself that when he is king… if… he would be king… he would free his friend. But until now gatekeeper should serve to Odin. There was nothing Thor could do about it.  
  
"Hello, my friend." Thor entered Observatory like so many times before.  
  
"Prince Thor." Thor could not begrudge Heimdall his mood. Another trait banned was familiarity with anyone who came to use Bifrost. It was simply unreasonable in Thor's eyes and spoke of Odin's spite.  
  
Thor understood and simply nodded, going to stand at place. Heimdall took his sword and went to the construction to open the Bifrost. Thor readied himself to inevitable. It was time.  
  
-O.O-  
  
For a few seconds Thor did not move nor did he open his eyes. He needed a moment.  
  
Same suffocating atmosphere, same putrid air, same feeling of death and ruin. Thor opened his eyes and exhaled. Svartalfheim. The place that took from him his home's safety, his peace of mind, his family.  
  
"My Prince!" Thor reflexively turned to face a guard who called him and saw a young man pointing his finger to the east of them.  
  
Before Thor could stop himself, the shudder involuntarily took over his body as his eyes found the outlines of a lone body lying on the ground in the distance – the only dark spot in grayness of this world.  
  
Thor quickly looked away so Einherjar wouldn't see his pitiful reaction: the hitch in his breathing, the fast blinking because of stinging in his eyes, the tremble in the hand that held Mjolnir. He was not… he wasn't ready! That stupid guard had no right… he… He needed time…  
  
Overcoming himself, Thor finally lifted his head to face the body of his slain brother.  
  
Why, _oh why_ did he think that it wouldn't be there? Why had he secretly hoped that Loki played a trick on him and stayed alive somewhere doing whatever mischief he wished? Why was he not laughing in his face, mocking Thor that he fell for his lies again? Why was his body lying there where he left him? Why couldn't Loki be alive? Why? Why? _Why_?!  
  
Knowing his anger wouldn't make any difference nor would it help, Thor harshly cut his line of dark hopeless thoughts sobering up. It was over. Nothing could be changed. He had to just take a body with him. Just take a body and leave.  
  
Thor couldn't remember when the distance of mere sixty feet felt so much like eternal road. And with every step it got harder to breath.  
  
Loki was just like he last saw him. Same horrible image of death. Bloodied torn clothes, hands around the wound, his… his bloodless face, his shut eyes, his calm expression, his…  
  
Thor fell on his knees beside his brother feeling exhausted and worn. Biting his lip until it split, Thor took a moment to simply catch his breath and quiet his panic. He let his blue eyes roam over Loki while he still could and it was time to go. He didn't know how long he sat there staring but not actually seeing anything before him, blank and numb. Thor did not even touch Loki, not daring to disturb him. After some time Thor returned his attention back and noticed how a few black locks lay out of order across Loki's face.  
  
Sniffing, Thor tenderly brushed dirty black hair from Loki's forehead behind his ear. When Thor was leaving Svartalfheim with Jane, a big storm was coming, huge clouds of dust threatened to swallow everything on their way. Thor left before they could reach him. Loki… Loki was left at their mercy.  
  
Thor was so immersed in his thoughts that it only registered after several long moments. The barely there heat. Loki's skin was producing a heat, barely warming Thor's hand in chill air around. In complete confusion, Thor caringly put his hand on Loki's forehead and froze. Loki's body was warm and it felt as if a person was ill with fever. Thor was rendered still by the discovery – how was it possible if Loki was dead for days? Swallowing a lump in his throat and not thinking of anything least he lose his mind, Thor lowered his hand from Loki's face to his neck. He still did not believe, but had to be sure. With baited breath, two fingers searched for pulse that should not to be there. One. Two. Three…  
  
Thor gasped and flinched back, staring at his brother's body in shock and disbelief. It was impossible. He must have gone mad in his grief and his imagination simply enacted cruelly. Screwing up his eyes against tears that stung in his eyes, Thor closely watched leather clothed chest for any sign of motion. He saw what wasn't there. He was tired and grieving, his mind would surely play tricks on him. It was impossible…  
  
A shock stole Thor's breath away. His mind was blank as a white sheet, his thoughts too many to be coherent.  
  
Thor for eternity could not believe his eyes when he saw Loki's chest rising and falling - barely, painfully, with the last of strength.  
  
The first thought that Loki pretended, _tricked_ him into believing he had died, arranged his death disappeared rather quickly as Thor noticed that Loki did not move an inch and was laying just like Thor left him. And it was not fair to Loki, as memories of what happened resurfaced in his mind. Only then shame and fear came upon golden son of Asgard with the realization that he left Loki here in the middle of nowhere to rot, in pain, dying alone, _alive_ not even making sure... Thor abandoned him so quickly...  
  
Could it be? _Could it?_ A chance, an opportunity, a great and blessed relief in knowing Loki _survived_. Thor could only hope with tears now shamelessly rolling down his cheeks. Thor didn't realize such sounds could leave him – desperate, gasping, chocked sounds of incredulity that rung in the silence of dead world. Royal guards were looking at each other in confusion and anxiety, not knowing what to do. Thor didn't give them a second of his attention. His world has shrunk to the feeling of his brother lying in his arms, alive. Impossibly alive. How it was true Thor would think later.  
  
Not wasting any time Thor carefully gathered his brother's body and called Heimdall to be returned to Asgard. Father should know Loki still lived if only just. But first he must get to the healers _immediately_. Until it was too late.


	2. Admittance

~ Chapter 2 ~

 

Admittance

 

Sif stood at the entrance of the palace waiting for her friend. The moment she found out about his trip to Svartalfheim she wanted to of course accompany him but Thor didn’t even listen, saying he needed to do this alone. Insisting only angered Thor even more, he shouted that he didn’t need her support, muttering that the one who did, would never have it anymore and that nothing mattered now when his brother was dead and gone. Sif didn’t think like that but she couldn’t not notice that the matter of Loki put a strain on the relationship between Thor, her and their friends. It started after Loki was lost to the Void where Thor began to look back at how Loki was mistreated by people in Asgard – and by Sif in particular. When Loki was imprisoned, Thor did not raise the theme of Loki what greatly improved relations between them. And now… Thor told them that once again, Loki proved them all wrong but the attitude stayed negative. Thor said he would not tolerate it as it was still raw and painful. Not after what Loki did _for him_. Sif stayed silent.

 

Warrior woman watched Thor leave and waited for him to come back. As of late, her life in the palace became rather… difficult, taking in account that she and her friends disobeyed their king’s orders. She, Fandral and Volstagg were not put in prison – for now – but All Father implied the last time he saw his son’s group of friends that there will be just punishments for their treason and subordination. Odin didn’t tell what exactly will be done with them, because the king said he had more important matters to see to in this awful times of ruin and death – than distract himself with dishonorable traitors who wouldn’t dare disobey his orders now that it was not needed least they wish to lose their heads. Sif has never felt so… insignificant and dishonored, like she was a worthless ant under Odin’s disgusted stare. It happened in front of so many people, in front of her parents and friends, in front of those she taught the warfare. Oh, how ashamed she felt when All Father dismissed her, Fandral and Volstagg as something pitiable not worth his time. Of course, she was free to do what she pleased and go wherever she wanted. But her sword was taken from her and she was removed from her duties.

 

Lady Sif never thought that her honor would ever be questioned.

 

Thor promised to do something, to speak with his father. Sif admired him for that but she was not sure Thor would be able to change anything. Because Thor Odinsson was his father’s son, he always lost any argument with Odin. Thor was no Silvertongue to change other’s minds in his favor. It was Loki’s job.

 

Bright light. Bifrost. Thor came back. Instant relief of having her friend back was replaced by grim expression on Sif’s lovely face when she remembered (who would forget?) where and why Thor left Asgard.

 

Strange. Her friend rode alone unaccompanied. From afar, she couldn’t tell for sure but her gut told her something was wrong. Then when Thor dismounted, her worry was replaced by sadness when she saw who Thor was carrying. Her uncertainty and hesitation in giving Thor her condolences were wiped out by doubt and suspicion seeing her friend agitated and in a hurry.

 

Where was Thor so eager to get?

 

Sif watched as people of Asgard were gasping and crying out in shock and horror seeing Loki. Her eyes tried to avoid looking at dead trickster, but she just couldn’t resist. Last time she saw Loki, he was acting his intolerable annoying self, grinning his wicked smiles in all their faces. Not so much now…

 

When Thor first saw her and their friends after he came back, he told them everything what has happened. When he told them what befell Loki and how he died, he spoke with so much restrained agony, so obvious regret. Sif tried to tell him that it was not his fault Loki chose to die as he did, but Thor reacted violently, screaming that of course it was his and only his fault. And he demanded to stop their blind hatred of Loki from them. Sif was shocked of amount of guilt Thor carried. And for Loki… She didn’t understand. Of course Loki’s loss was… It was not even for the first time! They have already lived with his absence and got over it. Yes, Loki died saving Thor’s mortal and Thor himself from that monster, but…

 

Sif would never understand Thor’s closeness to Loki after everything the trickster has done to them all. But Sif was no Thor and it was regrettably not her place. Be it in her power she would have beat up all foolishness from Thor’s thick head.

 

Now the horrible picture of two brothers – one holding the other – was in the center of everyone’s attention. When Thor got closer to where she stood near half ruined column, Sif stepped in front of him, blocking his way. She wanted to know what was going on.

 

“Thor, what-“ She started.

 

“Not now, Sif!”

 

Shield maiden flinched from Thor’s order, for it was definitely an order given by a prince rather than a request – harsh or not – of a friend. Sif watched as Thor sidestepped her in frustration and almost run to the left where healing rooms were not stopping at anything. One would think the future king was angered in his pain and grieving, not wishing for anyone to see it so he run from prying eyes. It was not uncommon – on the contrary, it was right to hide your weaknesses. But Thor denied his friends’ help and company – that was wrong. She just wanted to help him, soothe his pain of his mother’s loss… as well as Loki’s. Thor should know that she was always there for him no matter what. Of course, Thor could hurry to take Loki’s… flawed body away but what’s done is done. Loki was dead.

 

Right?

 

So when Sif silently observed how Thor suddenly brought Loki’s body closer and murmured something in his brother’s hair, it made her stop. What? Thor was sound and right in the mind to do such things to a dead man. Unless… No, no. Absurd. She couldn’t believe what was apparently happening. Was Loki… alive?

 

On weak feet, Sif padded after the Crown Prince. Loki and his condition quickly stole all her thoughts.

 

Was it even possible after all that time he was there in Svartalfheim injured? Or was it a trick? What was the point then – why not run? On the other hand, was he indeed mortally wounded and by some fate’s design survived? Did it mean he was bleeding out all that time he was there on enemy’s land alone and abandoned? Did he wake so see himself left alone by his brother instead of being brought home? And if somehow Loki didn’t trick Thor, if he put his life for his brother and believed that it was his end, if life struggled within to overcome his demise… could he make it? Or would it be another ordeal for Thor – to get his brother back only to lose him forever? Could Thor get over it? Somehow, Sif thought Thor undeniably would not…

 

-O.O-

 

Thor had no patience to suffer other people’s curiosity and gawking regarding his state of being. His and his brother’s. Thor wasn’t even sure if he cared if Asgard would suddenly come under attack – he would run to the healing rooms anyways. Loki was so still in his arms, it scared him and Thunderer had to remind himself that he still felt slow weak heartbeat under his fingers and weary over-exhausted raise and fall of Loki’s chest. When he pleaded for Loki to hold on, Thor didn’t even know who he tried to encourage more – Loki or himself.

 

Heimdall said nothing when Thor and guards arrived, but it was obvious he wanted to. Be it from expressing his shock, his denial to let him pass with such a threat in his hands or apology for not seeing Loki somehow still drawing breath, Thor had no time to waste on silent gatekeeper. Two Einherjar he traveled with stood perplexed as to what they were supposed to do next, seeing that there should have been a slow procession after delivering the body of the second prince. More guards that came to greet Thor Odinsson now watched as their prince wordlessly grabbed his horse and carefully holding Loki close to his heart galloped across the bridge to the palace. No one knew what to say.

 

Thor saw Sif from afar and gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to see her, nor her false concern, nor hear her lying words of her sorry for his loss. Thor knew Sif was fine with Loki dead – she wasn’t glad but she was unconcerned. And Thor… he didn’t know if he still was fine with this knowledge. He may have tried to forget his brother’s existence for the last year, but he did not relish in Loki’s defeat… as his friends did. That was why Thor ordered to keep silent on the topic of his brother.

 

Sif kept her word until Thor brought Loki back to help him and Jane escape Asgard. And after Thor told them what happened to Loki, she has only tried to reassure him that it was in no way Thor’s fault and he shouldn’t blame himself. That Loki was responsible for his choice.

 

Never Thor thought Sif could rile him so. What ever did she know? She was ignorant and spoke of him and Loki as if she knew what was going on between them all these years and beyond. It was no news to him how Sif constantly tried to cut Loki from their company, and when she failed preferred to degrade Loki’s abilities time and time again and treated his brother with blatant disregard. Even Warriors Three were more moved and affected by how Loki died and why than Sif. They at least never tried to separate brothers, even if they sometimes were not thrilled by Loki’s presence. Hogun bowed to Thor in showing respect to Loki’s fate and choice. Fandral smiled painfully and joked that Loki fooled them all and turned out to be the luckiest of them to enter Valhalla first, the snake. Volstagg stepped in front of him and just crashed him in his bear hug, not uttering a word. Sif… Lady Sif suggested they keep moving on. No hardships should ever stop them.

 

For the first time in his life, Thor thought he understood how Loki felt most of the time. It was awful.

 

When has he become so cynical?  When have his eyes opened?

 

So seeing Sif only irked him for she kept him from giving Loki help he so required. Anyway, he would meet all his friends later… if he would find the time on them.

 

There! Just one more turn…

 

“Stop!”

 

Thor startled and whirled around. His hold on Loki tightened unconsciously as he watched Odin measurably walking closer, Gungnir hitting the stone floor piercingly loud in silent halls.

 

“What is the meaning of this? Who is...” Odin’s stern voice wavered as his words trailed into complete silence as he regarded the one held in his son’s arms. Especially the horrible sight and dangerous condition Loki was in.

 

_(Was it truly Loki? What happened to make him look like this? Was he not supposed to be brought back under the cover hiding his body? Surely a boy could not still live.)_

 

“Father! _Father_. It is - it is Loki. He… he survived! Somehow! I went to bring his body back but then... Gods, father. Can you believe it? I thought I have lost him forever. Please, I need to bring him to the healers, I need- I…“

 

For a painful unbearable second Thor realized he did not know his father as well as he thought he did. Thor did not know if Odin would be reasonable after everything that happened with them all. He feared his father asking why he did not leave Loki there to die, as he should. That what was the point of prisoner living? That Thor shouldn’t have bothered. Thunder God didn’t put it past Odin to act this way regarding Loki. To punish Thor for his betrayal denying him helping his little brother. Thor was not sure he would have handled it. Not from possibly the last member of his family.

 

“Go.”

 

Thor exhaled in relief and gratitude. Relief he felt was overwhelming. His father cared still. It was enough. 

 

“Thank you father.” Thor nodded, blinking away traitorous tears. He took a step back ready to run, when unsympathetic calm quiet voice made him halt.

 

“And Thor? I have much to speak with you. Don't even think you'll get lightly from what you've _done_. You… and your _friends_.” Odin’s one-eyed piercing stare made Thor feel like a small boy who got into trouble and was disgracefully found out. To escape this stare Thor looked down… and instead of floor, he saw his little brother. Hurt, wounded, and suffering his once closest friend. Man who for a thousand of years was always there when Thor needed him.

 

Brother he vowed to protect. Brother who needed _him_.

 

And suddenly Thor wasn’t afraid of his father.

 

“I... I understand. But _Loki_ comes _first_.”

 

The fact that his father took no move to check on Loki's condition - a son they all thought dead, had not asked any important questions, just simply dismissed Thor to make his way to whatever mundane midday task the king was in no hurry to do... instead of dropping everything to run to the infirmary as father scared for his son should, as a parent caring for his child’s fate ought to... Thor imagined for a second _his mother_ seeing Loki. Imagined how Asgard would have trembled in her rage and worry. She would tear down the walls in her hurry to provide her younger lovely boy necessary help and comfort. His mother would not forget to calm Thor down too and reassure that if she were on a task everything for certain would be well…

 

And then there was father.

 

Thor habitually buried his thoughts in dark scarred place of his heart. That place did not need further refill.

 

“Go.”

 

-O.O-

 

Many would not recognize in curled in on himself, hid in the shadows in dark corner of the room so not to get underfoot a silent young man who flinched every time someone called for help, for supplies or just to be quiet - a confident, powerful fearless The Mighty God of Thunder Thor Odinsson. Right now, he was a shell of himself – tired, haggard, hunched and holding for the last glimmer of hope - as he watched healers treat his brother. His blank stare did not leave the epicenter of recent chaos. His brother Loki.

 

Loki lay lifeless on a table on his side, his head limp, resting down as if nothing supported it anymore, eyes shut. He was quickly stripped of his upper armor upon arrival leaving him bare chested, and his current position revealed the clear sight of the horrible gruesome penetrating wound gone through him, with blood still leisurely intermittently leaking from it around the blood that was already clotted and hardened, with edges rough and infected, with skin scarred. The color of his skin was all wrong – it was gray with dark lines outlining veins, the texture rough and dry, giving the impression it would crumble to dust should you touch it.

 

When Thor run into Healing Rooms every healer there stopped what he or she were doing and only stared in astonishment at Thor. The first thought was that the prince was injured (by what they had no idea) but then their eyes landed on what prince had tightly held to his chest. Gasps and cries of shock were heard in usually silent halls of what had become of their second prince. They remembered their Prince Loki always elegant, groomed; never with a detail out of place in his appearance (the trickster’s vanity was his famous treat even if he denied it for the sake of neatness and simple personal care). Now they saw torn bloodied armor, the midnight hair unkempt, long, and dirty. Loki had not the usual pale and flawless skin but bloodless horrible sick mask. One of the hands had the impression of a burn on it – the result of touching a Dark Elf’s Kursed soldier no doubt – healers knew about it because they cared for bodies of guards who were killed in the dungeons. A storm as Thor has said was raging when he was leaving, so Loki must have been in the heart of it, thus having a need to help Loki’s breathe easily and clear his respiratory system.

 

By all means Loki was supposed to be dead. Prince Thor came to Eir – the Head Healer and a good friend of Queen Frigga – and her aids a day earlier and bluntly said that he wanted them to prepare everything what was needed for funeral rites of Loki. When Eir assured him everything would be done by the time he would be back, Thor did not stay for any second longer and quickly walked from this place. He did not witness the sad looks exchanged between healers and their assistants. The death of Prince Loki would be no simpler to face and mourn as their Queen’s. Another member of royal family gone. Prince Loki was always interested in the art of healing and many many times came here to irritate Eir by his endless questions and distract young maidens from their work by his mischief.

 

First Loki made appearances because he was a frighteningly very sickly child and was often ill. Later because it was hard for such a slim thin boy to escape bruises, cuts and broken bones on training grounds seeing how he was younger of them all. And already a young man Loki simply visited for studying and self-education don't giving in on accusations that a true warrior doesn't need to know such lowly arts of women. Loki didn't care and came anyway, being always welcome in the Healing Hall. Lady Frigga was very pleased to hear praises from Eir, saying that Loki would have made a great healer.

 

Staff loved younger prince. They didn’t know what happened but the news of prince Loki’s death and then imprisonment put a veil of grief over them all. And now this. _Prince Loki died saving Crown Prince’s life in Svartalfheim_ , they were informed. They would do anything in their power to give their prince a worthy farewell.

 

What a shock it was as well as a happy surprise to first hand find out and then reassure Prince Thor that Loki indeed still lived. Any other matters were hastily forgotten in the face of seeing to younger prince’s wellbeing. From the looks of it, he needed it immediately and done with precise carefulness.

 

By some miracle, there was a tiny little spark of Loki’s magic inside, struggling and faintly withstanding a battle with death. However… it came as no surprise that healers had every reason to believe Loki to be too far gone to be certain of his so anticipated victory, the future too uncertain…

 

But what healers also knew, was that no one ever grasped just how strong and unfailing Prince Loki’s magic really was.


	3. Endurance. Part I

 (Unbeta’d but will be later).

 

~ Chapter 3 ~

 

Endurance. Part I

 

When the madness was over, when Malekith was defeated and the safety of the realms was secured, Thor spend some short time with Jane in her little house on Midgard, catching his breath as well as making sure that his love was safe after ordeal she was subjected to. She was, hale and healthy, thank the Norns. What meant it left  _Thor_  to be seriously worried about.

 

Speaking of Jane, she was truly supportive, kind and loving even going as far as asking Darcy and Eric to leave, at least when Thor was there as not to accidently offend him or remind of the tragedy in his time of slow and painful mending, when the realization of what exactly happened and consequences it left were  _finally_  kicking in. Jane’s friends accepted to move out to their own respective apartments (in Darcy’s case – to Ian’s), so it was only her and Thor alone. For Jane her task was being there for her beloved. In Thor’s case… coping.

 

It was hard to say how a god sometimes wished for Heimdall to leave his post for say sleep or meal, because this way Thor could at least  _pretend_  his every action was not scrutinized and  _judged,_ even if he did nothing wrong. That he could have a sliver of privacy… wishing that there were more mages in Asgard to teach him Loki’s tricks of evading gatekeeper’s sight. Thor wanted to be  _alone_ … Anyway, it was a useless sentiment because it was simply impossible.

   
Thor felt ill at ease knowing that someone saw how he broke down late at nights when he woke up with a scream on his lips, dreaming of always being late to save Frigga and only watching that monster stabbing Loki,  _Thor_  doing  _nothing_ to stop it. Sometimes his mother and brother were in the same room together, being slayed one after the other by the same blade in monster’s giant hand. The worse was seeing them holding hands as they died, after what simultaneously turning to look at him - useless Thor, staying at the entrance of the chamber with Mjolnir - saying that he  _failed_  them. Frigga would cry that she trusted him and Loki would whisper that Thor promised, remembering a long forgotten and broken vow to protect his little brother from any evil...

  
These nightmares kept him awake for a long time afterwards. After two days passed, his Jane - no matter how much she would love for Thor to stay with her - suggested he goes back to Asgard. Softer she asked him to visit his own doctors because constant stress Thor was under and this difficult painful stage of his life needed treating and professional help so not to make things worse. Telling her that there were no healers of a mind in Asgard - shrinks as mortals called them and had here everywhere in Midgard – hadn’t dismayed Jane. She told him to talk to people. His friends, his  _father_  because she believed they needed each other more than ever. Also to find people (if he wanted), who knew Loki as Thor knew him, she added quietly, and mourn him together. 

  
But Thor… How was Thor to tell her that any talk with his father was impossible because... because Odin didn’t want to talk about Frigga for he was not a man who revealed his feelings  _even with his own son_ , even when they should support each other  _as family_ , work together… All Father did not visibly – if at all - share his grief at Loki's loss and it was  _exactly_  what Thor wanted to share. Thor wanted to talk, to open up his heart,  _honestly_  without evading the subject, without holding old grudges and anger. Thor wanted… he wanted his only remaining parent’s comfort.

 

_What was beyond doubt out of the question. It didn’t matter that he saved Asgard. No, it didn’t. All that mattered in the end of a day was that Thor dared to disobey All Father._

 

How was Thor to act when people weren't there to understand what he saw, what he felt, just  _how much_  his heart broke - warriors should be strong and never cry for it was beneath them. What if Thor didn't want - if only for a short time - to be a warrior? What if he didn't want to be the Crown Prince and take the throne...  _be it damned by Norns, should have been destroyed by that grenade..._

  
And no matter how much Jane wished to spare Thor pain, he had to take care of Loki's body, to bring it home. 

 

-O.O-

  
Immediately on arrival, Thor ordered to gather citizens in the throne room. Unsurprisingly there were no usual cheers and merriment at seeing their prince home, realm was still rebuilding and recuperating, people mourning their loved ones, but of course, they were glad and thankful for the Crown Prince destroying their hated enemies.

 

Of late Aesir did not know what to feel about their future king wandering around the palace more like a guest, choosing to spend his time more in little mortals’ realm other than Asgard, preferring the company of mortals instead of Aesir. It was subtle and whispered in shadows but people worried. With recent events, they needed support of the royal family and confidence in their power to make people’s life better. They have already lost their beloved Queen. The second prince was not spoken of, but all the same, citizens were curious and interested what has become of him. ( _For years in the past Prince Loki left Asgard for his travels – some thought that not hearing of him for the last two years was no surprise_ ). In addition, the rumors of his failed attack on Midgard and possible serving some sentence reminded of punishments All Father bestowed upon Loki Odinsson through all the years for his misdeeds and mischief. It could be simply one of them.

 

( _Only few closest to the throne knew the truth but carried the vow of silence)_.

 

With the permission of the king Thor Odinsson made a statement and told his people what happened, not hiding his shame in betraying his realm to the astonishment of many Aesir. (Odin made sure Thor confessed and admitted his crime in front of his subjects - it seemed All Father had no patience to indulge Thor in anything from now on). After that without emotions, Thor stated the facts of the events held during the attack in Asgard and what followed next - in Svartalfheim, then finally in Midgard. It was no travel in the woods to kill a beast for glory, no defeating petty criminals to bring justice. It was  _war_ , with lives lost and fates changed. Curt answers and dry facts was the most Thor could make himself speak. 

 

But when it was the turn to reveal Loki’s fate, Thor’s resolve failed. Warrior prince couldn't keep his cool demeanor any longer and let his emotions speak for themselves. Aesir with sinking hearts watched how tears were shed for a brother who has fallen for the other. After Thunderer finished his speech, he was pleasantly surprised how heartening the news was received when many of present citizens came to offer him condolences about his double loss. Unavoidable question about funeral was lifted and Thor numbly replied that next day he would return his brother's body home. 

  
Thor noticed Odin watching the gathering from his sit on high throne with stone face. The future king couldn’t find the words to express how hurt he was when father left him alone to deal with all of this.

 

_"It is a duty of a king"_  was his answer. Thor sometimes thought that being king somehow impeded you to be a good person. And if so then… Was it even  _worth_  it?

 

-O.O-

 

“How is he?”

  
Standing at the entrance of the room Thor saw a woman who was the head of Healing Hall and personally took Loki as her patient, worrying at the table full of potions. She froze for a second startled by sudden words in the silence of these chambers, then continued to sort her things. Thor recognized her. Eir, she was his mother's friend. Not that Thor was a frequent guest in this place - he was the mighty Thor! - his opponents needed healing, not him.

 

_(Maybe once or twice, but more times than not Loki was there to treat his wounds... teasing in good humor that he would not tell anyone and embarrass him by showing how Thor failed. Thor endured that harmless teasing thinking it a good trade)._

  
So that was where Loki got a hold of this knowledge, Thor mused distractedly. He remembered Loki's fascination by healing arts in his youth when Loki often combined what he wanted to learn - healing, alchemy, potion making, dream walking. His brother was so intelligent, so crafty... Why ever Thor has stopped to admire him?

  
Thor timidly came into the room and looked over woman’s shoulder to where his attention was directed.

 

Now that Loki was cleaned up, dressed in soft garments and carefully put in bed in royal wing of the Hall, fear that finding Loki alive was just a dream or a monstrous deception let Thor go for a little, but the concern grew doubly because who Thunderer saw before him was not Loki – rather not the Loki he was used to: strong, resourceful and shifty from any kind of problems - this Loki made Thor fear for him.

 

Now as small injuries were taken care of, stabbed wound covered in tight bandages, skin smeared by special ointment that made it mildly shine from the inside, the healing golden field placed over a patient to start straightening internal processes… Finally, it became apparent that the fight has only just begun.   
  


"Not good, my Lord. Fever would not go down, also there are traces of infection. It is necessary to…  _clean_  that area, no matter how troublesome it would be. And then there is a matter of his blood."

  
“What of it?” Thor felt entirely out of his place, being the one to determine the course of Loki’s treatment. Sure, family took care of such matters if patient was unable to decide for himself, but in those times Loki was grievously injured or that one time centuries ago he was unconscious for weeks and near death – Loki answered for himself, or if he didn’t – their mother took all responsibility on herself. Not even nurturing the hope that father would come and  _help_  him in this, Thor accepted the fact that he would do this alone.

 

Eir didn't outright answer but walked to stand near Loki's bedside, graciously and carefully sitting on the edge. When she took Loki's good hand in hers Thor only blinked. Somehow Thor forgot that until recent years Loki was an affectionate type, always letting close people give him some sort of contact.... seeking it. Loki always grinned when Thor gave him his usual squeeze of the neck or a pat on shoulder. His eyes always shone brighter when mother discreetly touched his hand when passing by him on many boring meetings. Thor had never thought that Eir was so familiar with his brother to become one of those people.

 

Not after everything that happened. Thor put a label of Loki being untouchable seeing changes that took place for the last years.  _No one wanted to be near Mischief God, afraid of him or wanting to do nothing so not to indulge in trickster’s schemes_. At least it was what Thor believed in wholeheartedly. But… As Thor watched dynamics of people around, no one  _was_  afraid of Loki. Of course, he was deeply unconscious, but still – maidens treated younger prince with utmost care, even  _affections_  (what was strange to see) – changing bandages, bathing him, rubbing healing oils; male healers provided every comfort so not to aggravate his wounds when moving a patient - even knowing Loki was unknowing of it all. 

 

And if to think about it... Loki had no idea what was happening to him now so apparently he couldn't protest to others ministrations. But somehow, Thor thought his little brother just… wouldn't. Thor had no idea what being alone in the cell felt like for such a long time without any contact, so Loki might have… missed it?

 

Also Eir was so much like Frigga and maybe the motherly comfort was what Loki needed. 

  
With much care, laying a limp pale hand above a blanket and absentmindedly touching Loki's forehead by the back of her fingers to check the temperature Eir finally turned to look at Thor. Thunderer was surprised to see deep traces of tiredness in her wise blue eyes.

 

“You must understand, my Lord that this tiny spark of magic might make his heart beating and his body breathing but... That is all we know. It doesn't mean that spark reaches anywhere else such as his brain or limbs. For all we could guess the light could be just... an after-death magical impulse that is left after a mage dies. It doesn't...” She trailed sorrowfully.

 

“It doesn't mean Loki is alive you are saying?” Thor breathed.

 

Eir tightened her lips.

 

“That is a possibility. There is a risk we could be treating an empty body when the Prince could be... dead. Only magic remained but the mage... He is gone. Or something similarly worse. He would have no recollection of who he was or... becoming entirely dependent on provided caretaker.”

 

Thor stared in front of himself thinking. There was no need to panic yet. Eir said it was only a possibility. Then she could also be wrong. Loki could be simply asleep. He could still be himself.

 

Thor should take a tight grip of himself. Tears won’t help the case, even as his eyes burned in the corners.

 

“I... I hoped...” Thor blinked. And straightened. “No matter. Even if there is a tiny chance that Loki is there somewhere still alive, who is still Loki and not an empty shell - I will fight for him. He... He saved my life. I will do the same. It’s the least I can do.” And he will. Thor will hold onto that. He promised himself – Loki would live and Thor would do anything to make it possible.

 

“I’m glad to hear it, my Prince. I don’t think so myself but I list every possible outcome, even if it’s hard to hear, I must warn you anyway, so you would be ready if worse happens.” Eir stood and walked closer to Thor, who relaxed a bit when she touched his shoulder in comfort.

 

“So you don’t think that, uh, what you just said would happen?” Thor asked awkwardly. A woman scared him but then said it was only possible, but not likely. He always thought healers were evil.

 

Eir smiled. “No. I think Loki would surprise us all and get back more strong than he was.” Although then all traces of humor left her and she looked very serious, clenching her stare with Thor’s.

 

“I didn’t want to do it, but I have no choice, my Lord. I will plunge little bits of my and my best sorcerers’ magic into Prince Loki, bit by little bit to straighten his own. It will be painful for him, I notify you so you wouldn’t be caught unaware. Together it would fight infection that corrupted his blood and being. After some time when I decide it is enough, we will retreat our foreign seidr from his body so he would start heal his own.”

 

Thor didn’t know about magic all that much, but he understood what Eir wanted. He also knew some simpler ways.

 

“But why… Why not just extract all that infected blood from him  _at once_? I know it is possible, I saw it done.”

 

“My Lord. Then he will definitely die.”

 

“WHY?” Thor growled impatiently. He was sick of hearing this horrid word. Die. Die. DIE. He saved Loki, so there should be no ‘ _die’_!

 

Eir imperturbably looked him in the eyes, but it was seen she too was angry and overall helpless to do more. And Hall of Healing was no place for youth’s tantrums.

 

“ _Because_  without that foul blood we wouldn’t have stood here and argued. Your brother would be long dead! It was the only thing that didn’t let him die from a fatal wound, like it did your moth-“ Eir realized what she has just said and put a hand on her mouth. She lowered her eyes at the floor and quietly apologized.

 

Thor flinched and took a step back. But it was true. Gods, it had to be true.

 

The only difference between Frigga’s death and Loki’s was the blood of that creature left on a blade. It meant, were the Fates merciful – the Queen could have also been saved. 

 

Thor understood what Eir was going to do and agreed to her plans. It would be a slow process and very trying. But necessary to be done. Thor promised to come every day if he was not busy and watch the progress.

 

Leaving the Hall Thor went straight to his chambers. He wished to forget everything he heard today and all mental images of what  _could_  happen (Loki sleeping forever, Loki waking and not remembering him, Loki relying on others to help him do simple things, Loki succumbing… Enough!). And if it – Norns forbid – happens, Thor would be there only to watch, because…

 

Just like with his mother, Thor was not able to change a thing. Only Loki could fight for his life, alone. Thor or no Thor – it would make no difference. That was what hurt most.

 

-O.O-

 

As much as Thor wanted things to be peaceful, not everything was in his control. Sometimes he had to compromise and step down to higher authority as not to make things worse.

 

Two days after speaking with Eir, she came to Thor to the training area, where Crown Prince was assigned to report about the number of warriors still ranking in the army and re-sort guards to where lives of others on duty were lost. It was a troublesome work, but Thor did not dare to go against Odin’s orders.

 

“Prince Thor. Can I ask a little of your time?”

 

Thor turned his head and saw the Head Healer in her plain but yet rich robes with special white mantle thrown over one shoulder to show her belonging to a profession. Young soldiers bowed to Eir respectfully.

 

“Yes. Yes, of course. Excuse me.”

 

Thor left the Captain of the royal guards to go on without him for now, meeting Eir half way and walking her to the side.

 

“I saw you positioned guards near my patient’s room.” Eir said not wasting time on pleasantries. If what any healer despised the most unnecessary complications were at the top of the list.

 

Thor sighed and turned to look above woman’s shoulder where young warriors showed their skills.

 

“Loki is still… he is not permitted to have a free pass in Asgard. King’s orders.” Thor finished solemnly. He tried to explain Loki’s situation and insist that his brother’s condition was no threat – and won’t be for a long time - but his father was unyielding.

 

“I… see. So saying that even if –  _when_ , I hope, Lord Loki awakes, you understand it will be a true hardship for him to even stand for many days or weeks, if his blood would still be poisoned – it will make no difference will there be guards or not? My patient is grievously  _ill_. There is no need whatsoever for such foolish measures.” Eir said with raised eyebrow. Thor looked at her and wished this woman tried to talk to father. Maybe she would have had succeeded.

 

“If guards would interfere with your work, I could ask to use magical restrains instead of-“

 

“Magical restrains? My Prince if you do it he will die instantly.” Eir suddenly stressed, exasperated.

 

“Why? They were… Oh.” Thor averted his eyes in shame. Eir deeply sighed.

 

“His life force is weak and almost gone - his body is technically dead. The small magic inside of him is the only thing holding him in the world of the living. Take it away and the thread is cut.”

 

-O.O-

 

As days passed, for Thor life became the game of endurance. He was pulled from all sides, everyone had a task for him to do, everyone wished to speak with him, to grab his attention for any menial issue. It was maddening. Furthermore, he had to do this alone. His friends were relieved from their duties and not allowed to any kind of place near the throne and without fee, but free. However, it also meant they were a step away from being proclaimed outlaws – without a position, title and protection of the crown as any warrior had – any mistake and they are lost. Thor saw them often but had no time to stop and talk. Later, possibly.

 

With all his duties as the Crown Prince Thor also visited his brother every day, but there were no changes so far. But it was a relief – to come to this peaceful haven of tranquility among the infinite uproar and noise of palace life.

 

One of the side effects of giving magic wielder others magic were seizures. One time Thor came, he saw Loki’s eyes barely open. It stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

_Loki’s eyes were open!_

 

For so long Thor saw Loki lying in the bed motionless and so still, Thor simply got used to it. So the sight of any change put Thor in overdrive. Eir told him that soon there should be more movement from her patient – most of all from the pain – as drugs and magic would start its work.

 

_Gods, it finally happened_ , Thor thought frantically as he rushed to Loki’s side.  _Loki woke up!_

 

“Loki? Oh Gods, you are awake. Loki. Can you hear me? Please answer me!”

 

But Loki didn’t even twitch. Very carefully Thor cupped his brother’s face in his hands crouching above the unmoving figure and turned the face that way that Loki ‘s eyes were on the line with his.

 

On Thor’s excited shout, Eir loudly opened the doors of adjusted chamber and quickly walked closer to the brothers. Thor watched as a woman came in, but continued to hold Loki, caressing black hair and carefully shaking Loki’s shoulder trying to get reaction out of him. With obvious unwillingness, an older brother had to let younger go, standing so Healer could take his place. But he stayed right behind her shoulder, too nervous and hopeful to stand still.

 

Eir checked the green eyes with light – no reaction.  _Nothing_. Then routinely making the rest of examination, in the end checking the bandages, Eir turned to look at Thor. She was sincerely sorry to distinguish that light from those blue eyes.

 

“The seizure must have resulted in his eyes muscles to move. But… it changes nothing in his condition. I am sorry, my Lord.”

 

Thor’s eyes widened and he made a sound somewhere between gasp and whimper. He looked from Eir to Loki - lingering - and back, and then… it seemed as if all strength left him at once. His shoulders fell and he shook his head.

 

Future King was fine with Eir seeing him break from day to day, struggling with so many problems – she was the only one from whom he didn’t hide how he felt. Thor didn’t hide his extreme desire for Loki to wake from her either, often speaking about his little brother with her, remembering their past adventures. Eir – if she had no patients to see to – joined Thor some days and together they spend late evenings in pleasant conversations. Eir even had a few stories herself to share regarding young trickster. It was subtle but Head Healer saw how the fact that Thor could talk to someone about his brother freely helped him, so she continued to do so. She healed not only wounds of flesh. She could help with wounds of heart either.

 

_He should have known_. With a pained crooked smile Thor turned to look at Eir’s wise face.

 

“No, no. Don’t be. I understand. It’s just…Never mind.”

 

The healer didn’t say anything else. With great care she positioned her patient’s head back on a soft pillow and by the tips of her fingers gently lowered Loki’s eyelids down, apologizing but insisting it to be done because eyes could become dry and sore.

 

When those green irises hid behind their lids, Thor couldn’t help but feel like with Loki’s eyes shut, the hope of what could be was also shut from him. He was so disappointed, needing something to keep him believing that all will be well soon. Thor started to get familiar with those flairs of hope being extinguished like candle fire in the wind.

 

Just another day of loss.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: I want to believe that Asgard doesn’t particularly gives a flying fuck about mortals as Thor does. To think about it, why would they? In their arrogance, they could even support Loki in wishing to rule that rock of breeding mortals with no order and finery, living with backward developments in all spheres of magic, technology and life, lost in constant confrontations and destroying each other. My another point is that Loki’s sentencing (it was no trial) was completely void of witnesses – only Odin, Frigga and guards present - what leaves me to guess that Aesir don’t really know what happened, and in someone’s cases actually  _don’t care_. Just another one of Loki’s being a little shit. So when they hear Loki died saving his brother, it looks more noble than if they knew about dynamics in the House of Odin and all their dirty secrets and lies. Saint Odin doesn’t need that bad publicity, right? I really don’t know if Asgard knew about Loki being Jotun (I didn’t find it in canon so far) or of Warriors 3 and Sif revealing events of Loki’s attacking them and other bad stuff. We don’t actually know much, do you agree? So I made my own guesses :D

 

A/Nx2: Part II of Endurance is almost done so stick with me X)

 


	4. Endurance Part II

A/N: Your comments are amazing. Thank you all, dears! Thanks _krystal lazuli_ for beta’ing.

 

~ Chapter 4 ~

 

Endurance. Part II

 

-O.O-

 

Bit by a little bit life in Asgard came back to normal, works were put in motion and people were mostly occupied, because when they had a task before them, it distracted them from changes that bombarded Asgard instead of the measured life they had before.

 

Although in all this game in harmony, many were displeased and quite angered, not liking a ‘new course’ chosen by their King Odin in the aftermath of battle: harsh training by old veterans of wars instead of young warriors with a fresher view on fighting style (replacing Lady Sif with _Tyr_ became a nightmare to new recruits), more reducing the flow of funds, leaving families to find their own means of surviving and feeding families. Asgard was to be on lockdown from any other realm for the time being – they didn’t need anyone’s (most of all any meaningless mortal’s) unwelcome presence. This brought on difficulties in trade and somewhat darkened diplomatic relations between the other Realms.

 

Even seeing Heimdall bound and silent made people nervous and frightened, doubting for their safety and the safety of their children. Because if you can’t even trust those who swore to obey your king and ruler - where did it leave them other than to drown in chaos?

 

In addition, largely unnoticed, a special someone was mutely teetering on the edge. It was none other than the son of the great King. Ever since he came back from battle on Midgard… No, not that. Ever since Thor dared to bring Jane Foster to Asgard, Odin displayed his worst traits, which were hidden well until now. And without his wife beside him nothing could prevent All Father Odin from doing _anything he pleased_ , and it would be in his right.

 

Thor also was upset with Odin’s rule, but it was more personal, though as a citizen Thor was unhappy like everyone else. His father, it seemed, made it his life’s aim to make Thor miserable. The amount of assignments was never-ending, from supervising the changes that were put in motion regarding Asgard newest reforms to reconstruction of Bor’s statue.

 

It was no surprise that Odin didn’t visit the Healing Halls even though he often walked nearby. It was no surprise for _Thor_ – no matter how insulting it was towards Loki – but to others… Many nobles that one way or the other got caught under the hot hand of Odin, started to speculate as to why All Father was so indifferent to the fate of his miraculously survived son and all possible reasons for stationing guards at the doors when it was obvious Loki Odinsson – _if_ he ever wakes (what was under great doubt) – would not run or escape or disobey. The other rumor was as to why Odin was so harsh and even cruel to Thor Odinsson (when the heir to the throne protected Asgard), commissioning on him more and more responsibilities so Thor in despair hid away in his brother’s presence.

 

The Prince’s friends, Volstagg, Fandral, and Lady Sif lately fell into a general disfavor as Odin proclaimed them freeloaders which was shameful in the eyes of Aesir. It meant they could not even take a place as a servant until the king would see it fit to show mercy. ( _As if Odin ever will with things going the way they did_ ). Fortunately for them, their parents were holding decent positions in society so cast out warriors would not die from hunger or suffer from the lack of shelter. What could not be said though was how to regain back their honor, the most important Aesir trait.  

 

As for Thor – he was to stay in Asgard and do his duty as a Crown Prince and future king to the realm.

 

-O.O-

 

Thor was feeling resigned as he walked to his father’s chambers having been summoned. Another assignment for him to carry out, he thought. Entering after getting permission Thor saw his father standing at balcony, feeding his black raven. Waiting in silence until Odin will address him, Thor considered what his father could possibly want from him.

 

“I need a warrior to keep a watch over borders. Threat is gone but who knows what else lurks in the shadows.” Odin did not turn to see his son as he said it, just continued to observe his bird.

 

Thor watched his father in confusion. What he was talking about was a duty for any available guard or nobleman if he was to volunteer – any would be suited for a job.

 

“Then... send someone.” He said awkwardly. Stepping from foot to foot Thor waited patiently.

 

Or was it now his duty also – to be an errand boy exhorting guards?

 

Odin smirked and turned, looking at his son curiously ( _But something in his eye almost immediately agitated Thor_ ). Then he asked in faked amusement.

 

“Why not you? Asgard’s hero would surely bring hope and joy to those lands. People would be happy seeing their future king.”

 

Thor's heart skipped a beat. Then galloped like crazy. Thunder God watched his father in quiet horror. If Odin still played in punishment, then it has gone too far!

 

“I _can’t_ leave Loki for so _long_.” Thor answered with all the suppressed fury he was capable of. They were talking about _months_!

 

“Loki won’t go anywhere. He is comatose. Your presence near him is of no importance.” Odin took off his glove, put it away and turned to exit his chamber, dismissing Thor's obvious panic.

 

“Not impor- Father!” Thor rushed after old man, not quite daring to grab his shoulder so he would stop to listen. “Please. I need to be here. What if he would die and no one-“

 

“Then he would die!” All Father barked in annoyance.

 

Odin was a couple of steps away from the doors when his son’s voice stopped him dead in his treks.

 

“Mother wouldn’t have wanted Loki to be treated like that on his deathbed.”

 

Slowly swiveling back Odin saw Thor looking at him with a stony expression. But his blue eyes betrayed him. They were a moment from shedding bitter frustrated tears.

 

“Be it me there, you wouldn’t have been so dismissive and cruel. And all of that because I am your only heir.” Quickly rubbing his eyes. “Do you truly care not for him? Do you – even now – not _see_ him? After everything, he has done for me, for mother. Is it true that the throne for you is so important that you won’t even give a thought about a son you could lose forever? How could you be so cold…?”

 

Thor walked out without a glance in his father’s way. The questions he asked had gone unanswered.

 

-O.O-

 

It was not surprising that after almost two weeks of constant distress Thor has had enough. He snapped. The final straw was a result of his conversation with father, when Odin sent the most unexperienced and youngest from the royal guards to the borders. Thor needed to get out, to get out from Asgard. _Now_.

 

Finding All Father was easy, the King was giving an audience to families that lost their sons in attack. Fathers, mothers, wives and children, all worried and frightened stood on the side of the throne room, waiting to be addressed while All Father listened to his advisors.

 

“My apologies, my king. I have an urgent matter to you.”

 

“I am busy right now, Thor.” Odin nodded to his advisors to continue. Old men hesitated seeing as the Crown Prince didn’t stop on his way but walked right past them.

 

“It would not take much time.”

 

Coming closer to the throne, Thor furrowed his brows at elders, who backed down only after a little hesitation. Soon the Son of Odin stood only a few stairs down and spoke with quiet words, so that only his father would hear him.

 

“I am going to Midgard for a couple of days, father. If I don’t, I do not know what I could do in my anger.” There was a promise in his blue eyes – promise to do something reckless if he wouldn’t be given exactly what he wanted.

 

Odin looked at him sternly but the only sign that he was furious was an almost unnoticeable clenching of his white bearded jaw. Fixing his eye on the crowd behind Thor, All Father gave the tiniest smile. Thor hoped he would never see it again.

 

“Go, my son. I hope your mortal woman will soothe your nerves so you would serve your realm all the way better.”

 

Thor didn’t react to the obvious jab but nonetheless bowed to hide how his father’s words affected him. Odin spoke quietly - but not enough so others couldn’t have heard. No matter. He got his permission, Heimdall would let him pass and he would finally run from here. But first, he had one piece of unfinished business.

 

-O.O-

 

Thor caught Eir in the corridor and told her that he would leave for a short while, demanding to know if there was _any_ possibility for Loki to wake, even though he knew that answer was no. Eir shook her head sorrowfully and reassured him that her magic had a few more days before it would start to affect her patient.

 

“I see. I... I'll come back. I just need... I need to _go_.” Maybe it was something in his voice that betrayed him, because Eir was quick to take his hand and squeeze it.

  
“Of course, my Lord.” Eir nodded. Thor knew that he was seen as running but he had to get out. Or he would do something stupid.

   
“Please, make sure he is not left alone.” Loki was the only reason that did not allow him leave outright and Thor needed to know that his brother would be taken good care of.

 

“Of course he wouldn’t – I’ll be there, my Lord. I will do everything for you brother.” A young god smiled. Then he bowed and kissed Eir’s lovely calloused hand.

 

“Thank you so much, Lady Eir.” With that, Thor left on a final task.

 

-O.O-

 

It was surreal to be treated like that. People _avoided_ them. Never before were they short of the company of others, least of all prince’s, but now they lived in an untouchable cocoon, walking in shadows, silent and glum. _Unbearable_. It was expected from others to treat them as nothing. Of course, many stayed in contact but _only_ in the safety of the shadows which was demeaning. To see a nobleman or maiden in the presence of the disgraced was shameful and could bring harm to one’s reputation.

 

They did not regret it, because that way they would not need to renounce the most important thing they had – their friendship with Thor, and no one, not Volstagg, not Fandral, nor Sif would _ever_ do that.

 

_Besides, the one who they so wished to see was walking directly toward them!_

 

They had not seen Thor in weeks, with the future king being engaged with all kinds of responsibilities (and them – with nothing) and when he was free – Thor was with Loki in the Healing Rooms, where the passage was strictly forbidden to the likes of them - and not only because Thor didn’t trust them to even breathe in Loki’s presence, but even if they were injured they were forced to use another method of healing – thus another requirement in their punishment.

 

“My friends.” Thor stopped under an oak tree near the training area but situated away from prying eyes. Oft they relaxed in this exact place after a good round of practice fighting. Thor was not surprised to see his comrades here. Where else would they be?

 

His quiet voice was like a jolt of electricity, it made Sif quickly stand on her feet already closing the distance between her and Thor. Fandral grabbed Volstagg’s arm and dragged him forward.

 

“Thor!” Sif exclaimed happy, smiling.

 

“Finally you found time to see your old friends. So what if a month has passed, huh?” Fandral chuckled, but his joke went unnoticed by Thor. He only nodded.

 

“Really, my prince! We haven’t seen you for so long!” Volstagg clasped a hand with Thor. Thunderer gripped his arm back with a little smile.

 

“I am sorry for abandoning you. I have been… busy.” He cleared his throat and furrowed his brows so they wouldn’t see just how tired he was. Their own lives must not be pleasant as well, but until he was king, he could do nothing to help them.

 

“But you are here with us now! We could do so much-“ Sif started, but Thor didn’t want her to misunderstand the reason he was here.

 

“I... I wish to visit Jane. I am going to Midgard. I need her calming presence.”   


It was funny to see how quickly their faces fell, if only Thor didn’t think that he would rather cry than laugh.

 

“Leaving again?” Fandral asked lightly as if nothing happened. He was always the one to try lightening the mood. Volstagg meanwhile became more worried and coughed awkwardly as if what he was saying was some kind of secret.

 

“My friend, people are talking. Rumors fly that you don’t care about us.” Thor noticed how the other two silently agreed with voluminous man. 

 

“Madness! _Of course_ I care!” _If only people knew just how much_. His thunderous protest though gave up to weariness that ate at his very soul. “But as of now I am tired of this constant… rush. I just wish for quiet.”

 

Life-long friends looked at each other in silence for some time. Sif was frowning, glaring in the distance, but at least trying to keep her temper in check. _Of course Thor would go to Jane instead of them. It must be some Midgardian foul magic that kept taking their friend from them_.

 

Volstagg still looked worried – their reputation aside, _Thor’s_ was more important and his friend wasted it on mortals. And in the times like this! People would be displeased.

 

Fandral was the one to break the silence. “Tis good, my friend. Safe journey.”

 

“Is there anything we could do for you?” Sif asked with a small smile.

   
“Thank you. But... But I need... Someone to...” Thor closed his eyes. “Loki. I need someone to look after him in my stead.”

 

That made Aesir startle and freeze. Thor just watched a scowl appearing on Sif’s mouth, wiping out that small smile so quickly, incredulity shining on Volstagg’s face, Fandral’s widening eyes. Did they think that after all of them had threatened Loki with murder, Thor would actually _let_ them watch over him? Back then Thor needed Loki for his usefulness (trying to drown any other reason with fervor), but now Thunderer would rip the heads of everyone who would dare harm Loki in anyway after Thor went on such measures to assure his little brother being was still alive. Not when the spot beside Loki became the safest place in Asgard, where he could be himself – Thor – and not the Crown Prince and future king, _Odin’s son_.

 

His friends were not stupid. They should realize it.

 

And it’s just… Who else could Thor ask?

  
His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. “It is all right, Thor. I'll stay with him.” Fandral said sincerely with a little hesitant smile.

   
“You will?” Thunderer did not look at him. His tone was cold. It was important and Thor would make sure they realize it.

  
“But of course. Even if he... I'm sure Loki would be glad to see a familiar face should you be away when he awakens.” 

  
At Thor’s still distrustful frown, Fandral put away his smile and seriously said. 

  
“I will not fail you, my friend. Loki is safe with me. _I swear_.” 

  
Only with an oath spoken did tension finally leave Thor’s shoulders, and he chuckled, clapping Fandral on his back.   


“Thank you, my friend. Look after him.”

 

Staying only to tell them that only Fandral will be permitted to enter Loki’s rooms, Thor left his saddened friends with a promise to find time when he returned in two days.

 

-O.O-

 

God of Thunder had no desire to see Heimdall but unfortunately he had to. Since all that had happened, Thor found himself feeling guilty thinking of gatekeeper, even though his friend himself decided to disobey All Father. And if he didn’t, who knows what would have become of the Eternal Realm? So… there should be no shame, right?

 

But seeing that bracelet, not hearing the usual friendly greeting, feeling a stare drilling in the back of his head as he stood at position – all Thor wanted was to leave and the sooner the better. Heimdall could be thinking anything – from wishing to congratulate Thor on his victories in his duties, to hating him for being in this situation or judging Thor for protecting a traitor and keeping him in luxury while Heimdall suffers in silence – Thor had no idea. Maybe the gatekeeper wanted to keep Thor away from Jane but had no right to disobey. Maybe…

 

Those awful images unnerved Thunderer that was why he did not come here as often as he did before. He didn’t want to be responsible about this either. Thor had enough on his plate already.

 

-O.O-

 

She was as beautiful as he’s last seen her.

 

“Thor! You are here!”

 

And just as lovable.

 

After Jane let him into her home and they had properly greeting each other, Thor was glad to put away Mjolnir, take off his red cape and just relax. They spent all day together, doing absolutely nothing and caring about it not at all. Jane forgot her work and stayed close to Thor, happy to have him here but knowing that something was not right, judging by the tension in his shoulders and circles under the blue eyes. She let it go for a while, giving Thor a choice if he wanted to speak about it or not. But as evening neared, Thor’s mood only worsened. When a god didn’t hear her question for a third time, Jane decided that enough was enough.

 

“Thor. What is it?”

 

Said god bit his lip and smiled, realizing that he was caught. But just as quickly his smile morphed into something so broken and sorrowful Jane got immediately alarmed.

 

“Loki he is... He… he’s _alive_.” There was no point in telling her about his increased responsibilities or fights with father or his people’s misery. Loki – this was what troubled and scared him most. His brother and his not waking up.

 

Jane was looking at Thor in a mix of confusion, worry, fear, surprise and hesitant joy.

 

“He's ... _Oh my god_! Really? But - we saw him _die_!” Jane suddenly became serious, looking her god in the eyes. “Or was it a trick? Thor you should make sure of that- Thor?”

 

When Thor stayed silent with his eyes closed tightly shut, Jane realized that something was seriously wrong. If Loki was alive then why was Thor so broken? Or had Loki have done something evil again?

 

“Please tell me what happened. Come on. Tell me about Loki.” She would not jump to conclusions and would stay silent (even if suspicions shone bright in her head). Thor needed her strong. She would listen. “Is he up and about, not letting you catch your breath? He is the God of Mischief, right?... _Thor_.” It was painful to even look at Thor right now.   


“I... I don't ... He is not... I found him where I left him. Nothing changed but he had a breath in his chest and I rushed back to Asgard with him and...” Jane nudged him to continue.

 

“What happened next?” She asked softly.

 

Thor sat and looked at Jane with so much grief, doctor forgot about modesty and sat in Thor’s lap, hugging his neck. It seemed Thor waited exactly for that – for someone to hold him. Burying his face in brown hair, Thor let the suffocating tension go, relaxing in his love’s presence. Jane was smoothing his hair, still holding Thor close. She almost missed his words, they were barely a whisper. 

 

“... Healers are saying that it is possibly just a residual magic that gathered together as it’s host... died. It means Loki is - is indeed dead and all that left is his magical aura that would disappear eventually too. I WANT to believe it's not truth, that Loki is there, that he is holding on, that he would someday open his eyes, that... _Jane_...” On her name, a god suddenly let out a sob.

 

“Oh Thor...” The dam broke and Thor was finally talking, letting everything out.

 

“He won’t wake. I hoped it would be simple but… Jane. My- my mother did not survive the same injury. And Loki – he is so strong, so strong, Jane. Always had been… I wish for nothing more than for him to open his eyes and reassure me that I haven’t lost almost _everything_ in Asgard, that my family could be saved with father in such emotional peril. I… My father becomes a stranger for me, my friends are proclaimed traitors and they are no help with their so righteous opinions when they simply don’t _understand_ … I work non-stop, one task after the other. I need help, Jane, it is so difficult to be responsible for so many things and there is no one by my side to give advice, to ease the burden, to reassure. It was supposed to be Loki there, Jane! Loki! _Why_ is he _not_ beside me?!...”

 

It was still unreal to see Thor Odinsson cry in her arms. Maybe she fantasized that the God of Thunder was indestructible, but like any other man, he hurt too. Especially with so much on his plate. So she just let herself be his anchor. She would try to help him.

 

“I want my brother back, I can't lose him, can't let him go, can't lose him AGAIN! His death would forever be my fault and I can't live with it. He must survive, must wake up, he must... _he must_.”

 

 “But there is still hope, yes?” She asked tentatively. Thor sniffed.

 

“... He lays there, alive but at the same time, he is not _there_. He is lost and I am afraid... afraid that I lost him but still don't know about it.”

 

The next day when it was time to say goodbye, Jane hugged Thor really tight for her small stature and quietly asked him to tell Loki thank you when he woke up, assuring him that he would. She was grateful Loki had saved her and glad he survived. ‘Get better soon’, as Jane said. Thor kissed her and with much lighter heart after his time with Lady Jane he called for Heimdall.

 

It was time to go back in Asgard.

 

-O.O-

 

Fandral was wrong to believe that looking after senseless God of Mischief would be an easy feat. It was actually the first time Fandral saw him since when Loki had fallen on his ‘borrowed’ craft, literally falling from the sky. Back then to avoid any possible confrontation, seeing Loki in chains when the last time he had been sitting on the throne – Fandral joked. On the ship Loki ignored his presence and had eyes only at Thor… even if his expression turned cold as soon as Loki turned to the wheel.

 

All in all, Loki looked his usual self. Of course, his hair grew longer, he looked worse for the wear and his eyes showed more disdain and zealous delight than even in his most famous days of grand mischief accomplished.

 

Now…

 

Fandral was thankful that others weren’t permitted to be here in Thor’s absence. He knew there was curiosity in Volstagg’s mind and stubborn need for Sif to know everything related to Thor, but Thor said clearly – no one was to enter except Fandral (and only because he swore an oath).

 

The sight of Loki’s unconscious form was unnerving. Fandral felt intruding seeing Loki like that – defenseless and weak. Lifeless. It was not easy to stop looking at him – knowing he had no right, but unable to stop – because the image was unreal. Loki Liesmith. Loki Silvertongue. A friend once… A true brother to Thor still.

 

Not only was the sight unthinkable to come to term with, but also the smells of so many drugs, potions, and herbs were too much ( _how did Thor do it?)._ The constant buzz of the magic field around Loki made the situation all too real. All the more tragic.

 

It was inevitable for him really, that Fandral felt newfound respect for Loki. Not only because he had saved Thor and protected him, not because he killed Kursed – the dark elf soldier, but more so that he fought with death and stayed alive. This fight was still going, but Fandral was somehow sure Loki would win.

 

It was really quiet here. Strangely calming. Pretty young maiden healers came and went, and even if they paid Fandral no mind concentrating only on Loki (lucky scoundrel) at least they were a joy to his eyes.

 

A few days looking after Loki were also a little relief knowing that here no one would look at him as a traitor and warrior without a sword. Fandral thought he understood how Thor felt coming here every day. It was indeed a haven. Not minding the guards who were distrustful seeing him here but they served Thor’s orders. (If Fandral was being sincere with himself, those guards mayhap wanted him removed from Loki’s side, so _he_ would not stain the second prince’s peaceful sleep with his shameful presence. Odin’s sentence was a curse through and through – even Loki was now more respected than Asgard’s former champions!).

 

But no matter. He made a choice and now lived with consequences. Pity that there were no changes in Loki’s condition. But also a blessing. If Loki woke up and Thor missed it, Fandral would have blamed himself. Thor had to be the first person Loki sees when he _needless to say surely_ wakes – it was their moment, between brothers. Fandral would never rob them of it.

 

-O.O-

 

Eir informed Thor that after a week of delicately pouring magic into Loki’s own, she finally stopped her sessions and said it was enough. It also meant that it should result in some kind of reaction from Loki. The Head Healer said Loki could possibly wake up as well.

 

Thor came back after two days with Jane more calm and soothed, but still burdened with everything because it wouldn’t go away. His father greeted him back as it became usual between them – by a nod and dismissing hand. Thor was only glad that All Father didn’t have some task for him to see to. So not waiting, Thor went to Loki’s chamber and before he would be summoned, he desired to spend his time here. His chambers were too empty nowadays without his friends coming in, without his mother taking him for a walk in the gardens, without Loki trying to keep him _in_ the room, instead of going on some dangerous adventure.

 

It was after dinner, when everyone in the palace started to get ready for bed, when Loki woke.

 

Thor was sitting near windows where sun was still barely shining flipping through a Midgard fantasy book Jane had given him to read to pass the time. So far it was entertaining if mostly ridiculous. But she was right – it was better than looking through treaties.

 

At first, Thor heard the sound of sheets moving. Accustomed to absolute silence in these walls a god couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing when he turned to look. Loki’s hands grabbed the sheets around his body almost ripping them. Then a gasp and a hiss, Thor watched Loki’s face wincing in pain, his body tensing like a string. Thunderer finally snapped out of his shock and flew to Loki’s bedside, wincing at the sight of Loki arching his back even as it was apparent it hurt Loki even more.

 

“Loki? Oh _gods_! Loki? Can you hear me? It is I... Loki? Loki!” It was no hardship to hold his little brother pressed down, but Thor thought that even his light grip was too much for that fragile body.

 

Loki silently opened his eyes. It would have been amazing if those eyes were not glassy, pouring with tears of pain and suffering. Loki was scratching at his wound as if trying to open it up. He was burning up.

 

“Loki, stop it! Please! _Help_! _Eir_! _Hurry_! Loki brother listen to me –“ Just like the last time Eir ran into the room with two apprentices, her eyes widening in seeing Loki in that terrible state. Quickly whispering something to her assistants, Eir walked to Thor.

 

“He can't hear you, Thor.” She nodded to him to continue hold Loki down.

 

“What are you-“ Thor blinked. Loki woke. It couldn’t be another false alarm. _Couldn’t_ , because Loki _woke_!

 

“He doesn't know you are here. All he knows is agony. My Prince…” Seeing Eir give him a pitying look set Thor’s already shaken state in fire. Damn it all to Hel!

 

“What? Tell me!” Eir put her lips in tight line. Head Healer nodded to her girls and a moment later, they left a room, but not before leaving a cup of something freshly prepared with strong smell of some flower on a desk, quietly shutting a door behind them. Then a woman turned to Thor. She had information to share.

 

“Loki’s condition made me work harder on what I knew to find out, what exactly happened and why my prince is still holding on. I have no actual proof but… I saw bodies of our men who fell from that creature. Your brother became infected with the curse that made that Dark Elf transform him into a monster. I know that Loki is a talented shape-shifter but no one here knows anything about Dark Elves – you grandfather destroyed them all. I have absolutely no idea how Loki survived but my theory… Loki’s magic - joined with the Kursed’ blood - lasted long enough to heal a wound in his chest to a degree, after what tried to get rid of an intruder. I don’t believe it was a pleasant experience… I can only imagine the pain…the fear and confusion not understanding what metamorphoses took place in his body… I think Loki genuinely thought that he was dying.”

 

“Then how did he…” Thor looked at Loki like at something marvelous. His amazing broken brother.

 

“I like to think – by sheer stubbornness, my lord.” Eir lifted Loki’s head and carefully dripped contents of the vial she took out of the folds of the dress into his mouth. “The Kursed’ blood was on a blade and poisoned him. It is a horrible ordeal to suffer. That blood is unnatural and sick. The body burns from within trying to heal itself. It is excruciating.”

 

“Then do something.” Thor gritted through his teeth in quiet rage. He was so angry this has happened to Loki. Eir shot him a glance and shifted closer to Loki.

 

“Hold him so that he can’t free himself. I need to rub that ointment into his wound. It will hurt. But the infected flesh should start to heal properly.” She summoned that cup on a desk with magic, and took a great amount of ointment ready for use. Thor stared at it and understood he didn’t want to do it to Loki. But he had to.

 

“Yes. I- All right. I’m sorry, Loki.” Last words he whispered.

 

Loki’s eyes shot open and quickly filled with blood as the gauze first touched his wound. For the first time Loki screamed in pain. Thor was sure his scream was heard in all of Asgard. Thunderer held Loki as Eir rubbed the gauze on the front, then turned him as she did it on Loki’s back, all the while as his brother was screaming and crying, blind and deaf to everything around him. Thor should give Eir a credit – she finished very quickly, her work precise as always. Or maybe she couldn’t hear the pain in the voice of a man she knew from when he was just a boy and was very dear to her.

 

When everything was over Thor carefully laid a trembling body back on a bed. Loki’s eyes and mouth were tightly shut, his body exhausted from an ordeal and completely spent.

 

“It is not over, Thor.” A healer whispered, touching blonde’s arm in comfort. “Loki should continue to fight or he would succumb once and for all. I could only put him to sleep.” 

 

“Then do it. I can't... I can't see him like that.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Hours later after Eir has gone to her adjusted chamber and apprentices for a second time left this room, in the silence of these walls Thor sat on the floor, his back propped to the side of the bed, his head leant back on white sheets. In both his hands, he was holding Loki’s, discolored and burnt. Thor sat with his eyes on the ceiling, continuously stroking thin fingers. Fingers, which held the hilt of a knife later buried in his side. The same fingers which controlled magic capable of deceiving strongest of foes. Fingers which with the same passion held a weapon that destroyed their enemy and pressed a little human body down to the ground to protect it from danger.

 

“Please Loki. Please fight. And come back.”

 

-O.O-

 

Even when that Dark Elf stabbed Loki his brother was silent, never giving the monster the satisfaction of hearing him scream. And even now, not fully regaining consciousness and suffering Loki was silent, his pain held inside muted. Thor tried and failed to save himself a heartbreak thinking what has happened to Loki to teach him act like that. For even the strongest warriors he knew let themselves feel relative relief in making a sound of their suffering. No one thought him or her weak for this, but... Thor felt pride - even if Loki wouldn't ever accept such sentiment from him - he was so proud of Loki.

 

-O.O-

 

One day Odin came to see by his own eye that Loki lived. He chose a time late at night when others were asleep and Thor was absent. He didn’t need witnesses.

 

Old king was highly suspicious of this whole situation but… soon he had to forget about his fears. At least for the time being.

 

Loki lay in a wide bed in secured sector of the healing rooms. He looked... ill. Loki slept but peace avoided him. Even unconscious he suffered from pain, his body burned in fever, his limbs trembled, tiny almost unnoticeable noises of distress and pain left his tightly shut lips.

 

The sight made Odin strangely falter. He came with straight intentions to            put a stop for Thor’s foolishness, hearing that his son spend his time not with his subjects improving upon his lost favor from people with his leaving for Norns damned Midgard, choosing to forget his own people, then his treason. Thor dared to disrespect him, so let him repent until he, Odin, sees that arrogance beaten from that blond head. And Loki. To release such a threat for selfish reasons! For that _woman_.

 

Somehow he forgot what is it you feel seeing your child writhe in pain. Your heart hurts and you want to do anything so you could see your boy calm again.

 

With great caution Odin sat in a chair near bedside. When after minutes spend in silence he couldn't stand Loki's distress anymore he carefully put his weathered hand on boy's forehead to give him some strength to fight and calm him. Frigga was always the best in healing. As was Loki under her teaching.

 

But Frigga was gone and Loki struggled to heal himself. Where did it leave him or Thor?

 

Nowhere. They were useless. Only good for watching others suffer.

 

The thought made Odin flinch.

 

-O.O-

 

A week has passed after Loki woke up. Woke up but not returned. Loki was still on his way to regaining his consciousness, his focus, his quick mind and memories, on his way to recognize faces and be free of his feverish dreams. Thor was glad to hear the news that Loki’s temperature started to drop and his sleep became calmer. Eir’s nurses excitedly assured Thor that Prince Loki would truly wake up in near days – at least all the signs showed it. Thor was relieved and stayed with sleeping Loki all the time so not to miss his brother’s comeback. He was feeling how day to day his spirits rose more and more, anticipating their reunion. There was also fear, poisonous disgusting fear as to how Loki would act after he wakes. Would Loki be grateful the fates spared him? Would he curse that death evaded him once again? (Because Loki _let go_ , he let himself _fall_ , Thor would never forget it, he would never be able). And how would Loki accept Thor? Their last words were… painful and truthful as Thor believed. They had so little time to speak their hearts…

 

What meant Thor was going to take this gift and use it unreservedly. He would cherish it and would start anew. Thor hoped Loki would support him in this. 

 

Thor observed that the gray mottling was receding a little, already Loki had clean skin on his forehead and the left side of his face. But his right cheek, jaw and his right hand were still the most prominent. However, Eir told him that it would fade pretty soon. Loki’s blood started to clean and in no time, he would return to his handsome face, as she joked.

 

Thor was dozing, when he felt a hand in his moving as if trying to recognize what held it by touch. Thor’s eyes flew open and he was awake completely noticing how it was too early for any to raise yet, but glimmerings of dawn showed their presence through the windows. But Thor threw this little detail away in the back of his mind as unimportant. What occupied his whole and total attention was fluttering of black lashes, trying to free those green eyes from the cage of deep sleep, a high rise of lean chest and changed breathing rhythm that gave up a proof that a person was not sleeping anymore. Thor wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming all of this, but couldn’t let go of Loki, kneeling beside a bed to better see his brother’s… _awakening_. Thor’s waiting ended at last. With baited breath, Thor watched as those eyes blinked a couple of times and slowly found his. Finally.

 

“Loki. Welcome back.”

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: We were waiting for it and now it is here! Long-awaited awakening.

 

A/Nx2: I have read about many theories about how Loki survived or that it was a mere illusion. I personally like to think that Loki was indeed stabbed but then… :D Well, this chapter explains my opinion.

 

A/Nx3: You know... About All Father. I could have made Odin act differently if only I believed _for a second_ he was capable of it. Trying to imagine Odin from the movies try to be less... evil? heartless? cruel?... I regrettably came out empty handed. (He ordered to shoot Thor down, his only son! and _don't let me start on Loki!)_ Of course there are other stories with Odin grabbing his head and realizing just what the hell he has done, old fool, then trying to mend things, but… not in mine. I just don’t see it. I imagine Odin as he was in the end of TDW and... Don't you think he deserves whatever Loki's possibly done to him? *lazy grin*

 

See you next chapter and thank you for reading!  


 


	5. Awakening

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I found myself rather busy these weeks. But in my defense - the chapter is long so please enjoy!

 

(My thanks once again to _krystal lazuli_ for betaing this thing and _Saramagician_ for her amazing help. If there are mistakes, they are mine).

 

~ Chapter 5 ~

 

Awakening

 

“Loki. Welcome back.” 

  
Loki slowly blinked a couple of times until finally turning his head to where he heard the voice. Green found blue and all Thor’s fears about Loki somehow sabotaging his survival got wiped out by the look of pure wonder arising on his brother's too pale face. Loki looked at him like for the first time, memorizing his face as if he couldn't believe Thor was really here. 

  
Thor leaned closer and put a hand on his brother's cheek, wiping a tear that fell from a green eye. Loki opened his mouth to say something, but his lips only trembled and he quietly gasped. Then he tried again.

  
“I thought… I would never see you again.” Loki whispered barely heard so Thor leaned even closer so their foreheads touched. Thor held him as close as possible, savoring the moment. This was the moment he had waited for since he came back from Svartalfheim.

  
“So did I.” Thor cupped that face gently, watching how Loki – still tired and weak – with difficulty raised his own hands to touch Thor’s, not removing, but _holding on_. Grounding himself. It surely must be overwhelming for his brother.

 

Thor smiled softly, happy and content. He wanted to relish this moment, wanted to tell Loki he was so glad he survived. He wanted his brother to know he was proud of him.

 

“Loki, I...” Thor stopped when he felt that something was wrong. “Brother?”

  
But Loki's expression – from weary and peaceful - suddenly became painfully self-aware and panicked, like only just now it dawned on him what was happening. The state he was in, the place.

The quiet tender moment abruptly ended as Loki opened his mouth to ask something, but no words came out. Blinking up tears Loki turned his face away, burying it in a pillow, avoiding looking at Thor, his body starting to shake with unreadable emotions. 

  
“Loki what is it? What is _wrong_? Are you in pain?” The blond god couldn’t find the reason for Loki’s behavior. He had to go find Eir if it was because of pain – Loki could be suffering right now!

  
“ _Why_ …?” Was asked with such a broken voice Thor froze. 

  
“What...” Thor kneeled back down where he jolted to go after Eir.

  
“Why am I here?” 

  
“Here?” Gods, his hands were trembling no less than Loki’s.

  
“A-alive...” 

  
“Oh brother...”

  
“How is it possible? Why am I still here? I shouldn't have- I should have-“What he should have done got abruptly interrupted with a sudden sob torn from the heaving chest. From closed lids tears run down imperfect skin. The pained expression on Loki’s face, made Thor almost plead.

  
“Stop. Please. Stop it.” Thor felt something in him twist seeing Loki - who was always so insufferable and cruel and playful - cry. He has not seen him cry like that since they were boys. 

  
“It… is wrong. She should have survived, not me. Not me!” Loki hissed hatefully, his eyes blearily darting from side to side. Loki was trying to move away – to _run_ from revealed reality.

 

Only his body failed him and he couldn’t move without crying out in agony that immediately rendered him paralyzed from pain.

  
Not waiting a second longer Thor very carefully but determinedly took Loki in his arms, burying a hand in black hair and pulling Loki closer.

 

It wasn't what Thor had expected while waiting for Loki to wake. He couldn't have ever imagined Loki feeling guilt in surviving because their mother had not. It was an awful feeling and wasn’t fair. Thor was so happy Loki lived and still could do nothing but hold Loki when his brother still mourned the loss. 

  
Thor took a risk embracing Loki. They weren't close for far too _long_ and it seemed like walking on thin ice. Loki let Thor know that he hated him. Thor still could not forgive what Loki did in Midgard. But... In this moment they were brothers, like so many years before when both needed comfort in each other and never hesitated to provide it. And seeing Loki melt in his arms, burying his tear-streaked face in Thor’s neck an older God only held tighter. Shivers mercilessly wracked thin body, trembling it seemed not only from the cold. Thor shifted that way that his own body encircled Loki’s even more, protecting it in safe warm cocoon. Picking up a blanket by his fingers, older god wrapped it over them both, and stilled. They didn’t need to speak words. They were fine in silence. 

  
Thor imagined him and Loki grieving for their mother together - better late than never - here in the bed in healing rooms. Like a family. 

  
Soon Loki would have to realize that him, still living, still was a gift. At least for Thor (he has already lost so much). Loki would realize how much he meant to him. 

  
But for now… Thor let him cry. It was a delayed reaction – this breakdown – going close to Loki’s reaction in the cell, where everything was destroyed and shattered, even Loki himself. With everything that happened to Loki – being free once more, rush of adrenaline in mad escape, fighting with enemies and of course his near dying - it was no wonder Loki has had enough.

 

(But these emotions could also be caused by foreign magic – Eir told him once that having other’s magic could mess with one’s self unpredictably, be it physically or emotionally – and overall Loki was not in any state to have strict control over his body and mind like he always did).

  
Either way - no matter how wrong it seemed - Thor was glad Loki reacted like that. It showed his brother was healing and not only physically. Thor would help him overcome this ordeal; he swore it. 

  
After some time Thor felt Loki going limp in his arms, lulled down by the warmth of close embrace and exhaustion. It was the first time in a month Loki finally moved, so it must be very tiring. Looking down he saw his brother has fallen asleep. Just as carefully as Thor took him, he lowered Loki's sleeping body back under the covers, brushing his hair from tired haggard face. 

 

Thor couldn’t keep a smile from his face. Even if it was accompanied by stinging eyes. Loki had awakened. His brother has done it. He came back. And he came back just as Thor dreamed – without animosity between them, without hatred and anger. It seemed Loki’s last words were meant for him. Loki never thought he would survive. But he did, and it was all that mattered.

  
Thor wasn't needed anywhere so he sat more comfortably in a rich chair that was brought here from his rooms and kept a vigil over his little brother.

 

-O.O-

 

Long hours later when Loki woke up again to see an older god beside him, they just stayed in the moment, doing nothing but look at each other. So much should be said, decided, explained. But silence was golden.

 

Loki was lost in his thoughts, his eyes distant and clouded. Thunderer didn’t want to steal all the attention to him because he thought Loki needed to examine his own state of being, come to terms with his condition. Because now Loki was under the influence of drugs flowing in his blood and full of foreign seidr.

 

Thor almost winced when he realized just how much Loki took care of his clear state of mind and sharp focus, never let others influence him with other’s magic. It must be truly stressful.

 

Distracted, Thor hadn’t outright noticed how Loki shifted in discomfort. He was also breathing too deep. Younger godput a hand on his stomach and barely prodded with a weak finger. But older god was there in a second when he caught the sight of his brother gasp for air and curl in on himself.

 

“No, no. Shh. Don’t touch it.” Thor grabbed Loki’s fingers and took them away from the wound, instead taking them in his. Thor flinched as Loki moaned in pain.

 

“Wha-what is it? It burns! Wh-what’s under?” Hands couldn’t touch a place where it hurt, so Loki only clenched his hands in fists. They were trembling.

 

Thunderer checked that bandages were undisturbed by Loki’s ministrations. It must be the ointment that was destroying infection working. Eir told him that it would be the real hardship to endure, so it would be better if Loki slept during it. But Loki was conscious _now_. And it meant Thor had to do something to help. Anything so Loki would hold on.

 

Thor thought if he would be calm, it would give Loki a hint to stop panicking. So he started to talk, trying to distract his brother with words, so his mind would catch after them rather than pain.

 

“I suppose you don’t remember – for the best I think - but some days ago I had to hold you down so Eir could smear a special mixture for your wound. Infection spread and the area around your… cut, uh… It needed cleaning. Drastic one and immediate. Without it, your… skin would have started to blacken and rot…So when it couldn’t be avoided we… did it. So you, uh. Don’t touch your bandages.” Thor swallowed. It wasn’t that this whole thing disgusted him, but he wouldn’t lie if he said he would have been better without knowing all this information. He saw more of Loki’s skin and blood that he was fine with. When Eir and her assistant were stitching the wound, Thor simply couldn’t bear the sight and left. No one has stopped him.

 

He just wanted Loki to be healthy again.

 

“I-I’m sure Eir can explain more clearly about it rather than I. All I’m saying is that… the burn you feel means that your body’s healing and the drugs work.” Thor finished with a weak smile.

 

Loki stared at him through his poor explanation with twisted mouth and widened eyes. It was visible how that burn still bothered him but that first reaction when Loki almost ripped his bandages was replaced with stillness and maybe even quiet recognition of whatever healing mix Eir used on him, thus calming Loki down.

 

“Hurts?” Thor didn’t know he still could sound like a little boy. And the question was childish but he didn’t care. As did Loki, just nodding silently. Not finding a better place Loki reluctantly positioned his hands just under the wound.

 

“Can I get you anything?” Thor asked.

 

“Water.” Loki whispered after a while. Understandable because his lips were dry and parched. Thor stood and walked to the tray positioned on the desk near the door, where his dinner sat untouched. Thor found out that he was too excited and preoccupied with seeing to Loki rather than eat. As it was, it mattered little.

 

Taking a glass Thor poured water in it and came back to Loki’s bedside. Now he noticed the obvious flush of Loki’s skin, and when he touched his brother’s neck, he realized Loki was burning up again. Sighing, Thor leaned to lift his brother just a little so water wouldn’t spill. In answer he got Loki, resisting his ministrations, and by the looks of it a younger god appeared to be on the verge of tears.

 

“No. No, do- do not…” Loki moaned. Thor checked his brother’s forehead and really looked at him.

 

Loki was delirious. Damn it.

 

Biting his lower lip, Thor looked around for something useful and saw a sponge, lying near new bandages and supplies. Quickly retrieving it, Thor poured cold water from a glass into a bowl from his tray. Thunderer decided to dab Loki’s lips instead, also his face. He didn’t know if Loki was supposed to drink at all – that young healer maiden used some kind of drip to hydrate Loki – and wasn’t sure what possible consequences would be if Loki were to upset his stomach wound by eating or drinking.

 

He should ask Eir later.

 

-O.O-

 

Next day Loki slept all day. Head Healer and her assistants came in to check on Loki, as well as examine the wound. Thor was glad Loki was unconscious _this_ time.

 

When Thor left to start a day as usual, at the myriad of meetings a good amount of Aesir surprisingly approached him to ask after Loki. Not of course King’s circle of advisers (those old fools cared more for their power and gold than of anything what was happening in the Realm), but still respected class and nobles inquired as to the health of his bedridden brother. At first Thor was dumbfounded as to why they asked now, and then chastised himself because he was sure Loki’s screams the other day alarmed the entire palace and raised many questions as to what was going on. Also rumors flew with great speed and palace’s staff has always been curious. Thor caught interested stares of palace maids and stewards when he was walking through familiar halls and even heard guards whispering about their colleagues who were positioned at Loki’s chambers to ask for news.

 

It was… pleasant to know people cared. Thor himself got many thanks and congratulations when he came back home from the battle. But after announcing what happened to Loki, people realized just how crucial a role the second prince played in the dire events leading after attack.

 

And hearing that it was a possibility that Prince Loki awoke after severe and prolonged illness, put Aesir in better spirits than before. It also gave them the matter to think and talk about, preferring that to their own problems.

 

It may appear that along with Prince Loki recovering, Asgard started to recover a little as well.

 

-O.O-

 

It was well after midnight that Thor found himself seated down at his usual place near Loki’s resting body. Today’s duties were the same as before, the same exhausting, the same maddening - but somehow knowing that when Thor would visit Healing Halls Loki could be awake, it eased his mind tremendously. It was like… the burden of always being stressed and hoping and worrying and not knowing what would happen next fell away at last, leaving only the knowledge that even if it was only the beginning of a long road of recovery, the hardest part was finally over.

 

Somewhere about an hour later, going through boring in-Realm treaties he never liked to neither write down nor insight into the meaning of, Thor noticed the changes in Loki’s breathing and movement. His brother was waking up. _Well, it’s about time,_ Thor thought with a weak try at humor, glad to put away his work. _To sleep all day long_ _when Thor was here. Selfish, little brother._

 

Oh, he was pathetic, Thor immediately reprimanded himself.

 

Now, that Loki regained consciousness and after their so far short idle conversations, Thor wished to ask more questions – one in particularly – and also renew their relationship (as he promised himself back on Svartalfheim). But most of all he just wanted to hear Loki speak to him. Without fear or hatred or wariness.

 

In a dimly lit room where the only light was coming from magical field above the bed, Loki’s eyes seemed golden and his skin _deceivingly_ healthy. Maybe it was for the best, because when morning would come, Thor would see how devoid of any color Loki really was, how gaunt and sick. But until then Thor was not against lying to himself.

 

Turning a little so he could put his hand on Loki’s arm - always touching - Thunderer gave it a soft pat. Sitting like that with his hands on the knees and leaning forward, showed Thor Loki’s profile. Thunder God was as close as possible at the bedside.

 

Loki sighed and opened his eyes.

 

“You again?” Loki’s mouth twitched as if it wanted to produce a smile but miserably failed. He was too ill for that. But Thor with warmth recognized those same words and that teasing tone often used when Loki knew that when Thor came to him it meant the potential trouble. Even if it was too poor an imitation it was still there.

 

“It seems so.” Thor smiled back.

 

It was too early to judge but until now not once did Loki ask Thor to leave. It was truly silly, Thor thought, but maybe Loki also wanted him here. And really – till now he was the only one Loki saw, otherwise sleeping when healers came. Even that guard – Thor forgot his name, one of Loki’s personal guards from when he was younger – asked after the second prince. Many people wanted to see Loki, but Thor was not sure his brother wanted the same. Especially in so poor a condition. And who’s to say, intentions of all of them were harmless?

 

“Anything you need, brother?” Thor asked.

 

Loki shook his head, content to just lie there and do nothing but breathe.

 

Thor watched him. It was still surreal seeing Loki here, alive, talking. Thor thought that Svartalfheim was the last place he talked to Loki, the last time he held him. And those words of apology, his last ones…

 

Thor suddenly remembered as one of the things Eir asked Thor to find out was the state of Loki’s memory. Were there gaps in memory or maybe some things that would help in diagnosis later on? Overall Eir asked Thor to gently _interrogate_ Loki about his current state of health and mind.

 

But more than ever what Thor ached to ask was this.

 

“Do you… remember what happened back then? In the Dark World” He inquired quietly. The hand in his gave a little jolt. Thor only held tighter.

 

“I understand it is hard. And if you don’t want to talk about some things, it’s fine. Be sure I won’t insist if it’s still painful. Only that… I _need_ to know what happened to you, brother. I-I just need it.” Thor admitted and held his breath. It was indeed too much to ask so soon, and Loki had every right to deny him. But… He had to try. This question was what was keeping his awake at nights because he couldn’t bear the nightmares, too vivid and painful, that for a time Thor had to remind himself that it was only that – a nightmare. Because Loki was alive, home in Asgard - not abandoned and bleeding out in the dirt on foreign gods’ forsaken land.

 

Soft murmur broke the stifling heavy silence.

 

“All right.” Loki shifted to find a better position but instantly grimaced. Thor still had no idea what amount of pain Loki was actually in and his answers were vague at best. That left Thor only to watch.

 

“I was…” Loki began to speak serenely, trying to keep his voice steady but soon enough it was clear that Loki was failing. He was too anxious about what he was going to speak of. “I was dying...”

 

Thor licked his lips instead of replying, because even for Loki it was too obvious. He chastened himself in the next second as Loki continued. He was whispering, apparently capable only of that, but in the complete silence of the chamber, Thor heard every trembling word.

 

“At first I thought that it was a mere wound – fatal as it was, but I… got over the realization pretty soon as I… the grenade… “Loki winced as he raised his right hand, no doubt relieving that moment. Thor nodded vigorously, seeing Loki’s trouble with wording.

 

“Except almost immediately… I felt like… like _darkness_ was crawling inside me, g-getting in my chest, going up my neck and face, my blood was on fire, it… it burned _so much_ inside, brother, it held me in clutches, immobile, spoiling, drowning me under so much black…”

 

Thor didn’t hesitate to take Loki’s hands in his and squeeze, the mattress sagged under him as he sat beside Loki on the bed. It was too much a distance from bed to chair anyway, Thor needed Loki close, especially as he felt his brother shudder from memories of his pain.

 

Loki calmed a little, his tense shoulders relaxing with Thor near. That simple move twisted Thor’s heart mercilessly.

 

“I burned on the inside, but at the same time… I was _so cold_. I have never felt so cold…”

 

Mighty Thor… What would he give to be of any help to Loki as fear and suffering glistened in unshed tears in Loki’s eyes…

 

“In mere… seconds I realized that everything was a lost cause. To feel how… your body became alien to you, feel it corrupted… When it was t-too much something broke in me and then… quieted. All fell silent. I knew what it was… I… I was so _tired_ …” Loki closed his eyes.

 

“Did you feel anything after… after that?” Thor murmured, only now realizing how tight he held those weak hands – one pale and other blemished. But _both_ dear to him.

 

“… You know, brother, I really thought those were my last moments, I wasn’t… I never thought I would wake again. Nor was I eager to…” On Thor’s heated gaze, Loki just shook his head. “It was too much for me. Pain went away, it was a relief. But…” When silence grew too long Thor nudged Loki who zoned out.

 

“Yes?” Thunderer asked tentative. Loki swallowed and looked away.

 

“I have no description but… If I was asleep, then I thank the Norns for that. Because even in that sleep I felt… wrong. I don’t remember anything but I feel like I was in pain.” Broken sob. “H-horrible pain.”

 

Thor didn’t want to hear about this anymore. Leaning forward he brought his palm to Loki’s head, brushing black hair and stroking a thumb under a sharp jaw.

 

“It is all right. No more, Loki. It is past. You are safe now.” Loki closed his eyes to familiar touch. He was still shuddering from that terror, Thor easily felt it.

 

After a while staying in silence, taking comfort after draining truths, Loki was first to break it asking what apparently worried him the most.

 

“Thor. What am I even supposed to do?” he whispered so not to strain his perched throat. And by the looks of it, such a question did not require loud utterance.

 

_But for Thor it was like a bolt on to the head._

 

“Loki, I’m sure, I- I’m sure that…” God’s words died out.

 

Thor wasn’t _sure_ of anything. He didn’t know what was to come. The thought of bringing Odin in this conversation felt wrong and heartless, because Thor was not sure he understood how his father thought nowadays. And Loki could close up at his mention. Loki could be entirely certain that his act of sacrifice and help would be overlooked and wouldn’t change a thing. Whatever Thor would say.

 

What was the point of surviving only to come back home in his white maddening cell, where he was sure he would finally lose his mind? Plagued by memories and regrets. Why live if in death he would be truly free?

 

  
“Don't think about it now. Just try to get better.” _Simple for him to say. He was not in pain and without a future._

 

Loki was watching him with a level gaze, which revealed nothing. Blinking once, he calmly asked.

  
“And if I don't want to…”

  
Thor clenched his fists where Loki couldn't see them. Gods _, did it truly get back to that? Was it Thor’s fate to see Loki destroy himself?_ _!_

  
“… For me. Please.” 

  
Loki stilled. Neither one of them spoke after Thor’s quiet firm words. His silent _plea_.

 

Thor didn’t dare to breath, but onslaught of thoughts blinded him. He put himself in Loki’s place:

  
 _Could he? Was it worth it?_ Why _should he? Odin surely didn’t care – Loki didn’t see him once since he woke up. Their mother was gone. So it left only him, Thor. Who else was there to give a damn about Loki? Not many people… Loki most likely thought. Right?_

 

And Thor could have left him in Svartalfheim to rot as the criminal and outcast he was. But he didn’t. He came back and saved him, was near, he didn’t abandon him, didn’t leave him alone. He stayed. And asked not to give up.

 

It was a question of trust.

 

_So could Loki do it?_

 

“For you…” Loki slowly nodded. “I will.” 

  
Thor saw how Loki's hand fidgeted not sure, if his big brother would take it. Thor made a decision for him, taking both hands in his and squeezed in silent gratitude. He was still fighting for breath from what Loki said. His brother’s quiet words gave him hope. And Thor was grateful.

 

They would make it work. Together.

 

-O.O-

 

Eir as usual held bypass of all her patients. With recent changes it was not surprising there was replenishment. Young men came here with broken bones, sprains, extreme exhaustion. New training took its toll apparently.

 

Walking to the Royal Wing Eir nodded to the guards, who respectfully bowed back. She had made peace with their presence a while ago, because as she saw it, these guards made it personal to guard Loki, rather than keep a watch over him. They seemed to care for the safety of Asgard’s second Prince.

 

Walking inside she saw Prince Loki lying in the bed, eyes shut. She didn't want to disturb him for now, seeing that he was asleep. Drugs were thinning their effect now that Loki woke up and was awake for longer amounts of time, and he would soon need another magical injection. If not... Eir feared for his state.

 

A mage’s body bereft of magic was an ordeal worse than torture.

 

Being completely absorbed in checking out the information she took after observing Loki's condition for three weeks and from time to time making notes, she did not immediately hear the heavy breathing, louder than usual. Raising her head in surprise the Head Healer dropped everything and with long strides came quickly near Loki. Her patient was panting, his teeth were gritted with great force, his hands clenched the knuckles were white. Mimir's Head, he was not asleep!

 

"Lord Loki? Are you awake? Please answer me."

 

Loki couldn't answer. He was still making distressed noises, as Eir started to examine him with haste. With startled realization Eir figured out that, the magic she poured into Loki’s own has all but burned out for the last two days. But… it _had_ to have lasted for just about another two, she thought in exasperation.

 

On one hand, it was fascinating – Prince Loki was a _truly_ gifted mage, his magical capacity one of a kind. _Incredible_. But on the other, it meant she had to extract much more than she thought she would share.

 

Eir needed help. Just as she thought, Loki was suffering from withdrawal. His heart was beating wildly, a body fighting to normalize its work but coming short. Not having energy flowing through his veins, nerves lighted up in pain, the temperature rose – it was agony. And so soon after awakening it was also very dangerous. Eir promised herself to be more watchful and careful with her dear patient.

 

She thought quickly and then called the guards at the door. She sent one of them for the two of her students and instructed him to what they should bring with themselves. Aside from giving Loki her magic there was another method to heighten mage’s resources. It took a lot of time and effort to make, the combination of living magic with healing stones mixed with the blood of recipient to replace it with what now flew in those veins… It would take her weeks to make, maybe less if All Father would let her leave shortly to Vanaheim where other professional healers she was friends with would agree to help her.

 

Already in the process of giving Loki seidr, Eir said only one word as her apprentices arrived and in no time, they were helping her with Loki’s condition. Two young women were the most gifted, but still the three of them could not stand even remotely close to Prince Loki’s level. Soon enough Loki’s heartbeat slowed down, the hands eased over the sheets and pain dissipated. When eyelids fluttered, Eir gently cupped Loki’s cheek.

 

“Loki?” She said

 

When the haze fell away and Loki could look around himself, he raised his head and saw his old mentor. His eyes flickered to two of her students standing behind her back – Loki’s past acquaintances – and the prince was looking at them all in small wonder.

 

“Eir-“ Loki rasped in surprise. And indeed he saw her for the first time _in years_. There was a myriad of emotions on that young face, but the clearest was uncertainty. With what Eir had no idea.

 

“Good day, my prince.” A woman smiled broadly. She was never one to waste time on pitying (even if Loki’s condition gave her all the reasons thinkable) but she promised that she would put Loki on his feet. “Long time to see.”

 

Loki’s warmth in his gaze dimmed somewhat after her words. Before it disappeared completely, Eir patted a pale hand and smiled her usual confident little smile.

 

“Have no fear, I won’t question. After all it is not my business. Know that you won’t find any animosity or wariness from me or my assistants.” Royal matters did not concern her, besides people rarely were given the full truth of what was truly going on. Eir _knew_ Loki and it was enough for her.

 

Loki nodded. Next minutes were spend in Eir telling Loki about his condition and methods she would use to bring him back to health. Loki listened attentively even if his focus wandered from time to time. Eir kept no secrets, knowing her patient would hear if she would gloss over or hush up some of the facts. So she spilled everything as it was.

 

“So… my magic…”

 

“Yes, my lord… It is crippled and almost absent. It will be a long time until it comes back. But having mine would also give you discomfort and… Of course, there will be a time when I will repossess it back, eventually, for it does not belong to you, what will put you in quite an ordeal at the beginning. But I’m already thinking on some solutions.” Eir looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry for not having good news.”

 

Sighing, Loki nodded again. With his permission, Eir started to check the wound. Loki turned his eyes on the ceiling and kept silent. It was fine with a woman, she knew better than voicing unhelpful nonsense.

 

Just before she was done and ready to leave, Loki bit his lip and touched the woman’s hand by the tip of his finger.

 

“You… attended to those in attack, didn’t you?” He asked weakly. Eir finished her examination and answered.

 

“Indeed, my lord. Though it was a very sad occurrence, something good came out of it as it helped greatly with your diagnosis.” She finished with a dejected smile.

 

“Eir....” Loki trailed off unable to say more. When Loki stayed silent for far too long, the Head Healer stopped to really _look_ at him – he clearly wished to ask something, but was clearly unable to as he was looking at her too intently and with a hint of… fear?

 

When the prince noticed the way Eir was looking at him, he sighed and turned away. He kept his eyes on anything except Eir, but she knew it wasn’t from embarrassment; she could see how he was trying to gather enough courage to ask. There were several moments of silence, before Loki broke it.

 

“How did my mother die, Eir?” Loki asked softly. Eir flinched realizing Loki had no knowledge of his mother’s death, he was absent on the funeral, he asked _her_ as his last resort after so much time passed.

 

_Oh, dear child._

 

Motioning at her students to leave them two alone, Eir turned her whole attention back to Loki and answered softly.

 

“Queen Frigga succumbed to injuries similar to yours. She died protecting another.”

 

At first there was no reaction from bedridden prince. Loki only looked off in the distance, breathing evenly. His hand on a blanket picked on some loose thread and was rubbing it between fingers.

 

Eir could see how Loki was trying to keep himself together, to not crumble, and she could see how he was _not_ handling it well. Since adolescence, Loki was an expert in not showing emotions. The fact that now he was unable to control and hide his emotions could be because of his body’s weakness, or because of the truly shattering grief that the Queen's death and its circumstance brought, _the similarities_ …

 

Most likely, it was because of both of those reasons.

 

In the silence of healing chambers Loki let out a sound so broken, but when Eir looked at her prince she saw him _smiling_ – so false a smile it was painful to look at – though not deceiving anyone as much as Loki probably wanted. He was laughing madly and tears in his eyes made him look destroyed. Hide as he wanted, the Healer saw enough people ruined by grief.

 

Before Eir knew what she was doing, she walked to the bed and not hesitating a moment sat at the edge and took that black haired clever head and leaned it to her heart, holding a chaos of a man in tight grasp, so it would stay whole even as inside he was crumbling.

 

The moment a woman’s hand touched him, Loki was immediately drowning in his sobs. They double him over until he grips his stomach in pain. Eir cradled her boy closer, subtly using a spell to sedate him because Loki couldn’t afford to hurt himself even more than he was now.

 

“Shh… Get it out… I got you, my boy… You are her son, her lovely youngest, she was so proud of you… Let tears flow but know that she is probably sad now because you cry for her so when it is unneeded... Know that she is always with you, Loki… It’s alright… you are all right…”

 

Loki was weeping as she comforted him, weak hands holding at her as for a lifeline, gripping afraid that if she let go then he would be inevitably lost.

 

-O.O-

 

Now Thor had found new strength to work every day – Loki’s opening his eyes and moving (if only just), and talking and… In Loki’s wish to go on Thor discovered his own. It was a good feeling.

 

-O.O-

 

“I say let’s go on some adventure!” Sif said enthusiastically. “I understand you are needed in Asgard for your duties as the future king-to-be, but Asgard is rich as well on beasts and monsters to slay. What say you?”

 

Thor finally kept his promise to find time for his friends. They went to a town away from the palace so no one would try to disturb them or stop Thor for some question or minor favor – just away from everyone. They decided to go to their favorite pub and relax.

 

“I… sadly must decline, my Lady Sif. I should return to the palace soon.” He sighed. “I don’t want for Loki stay alone for long.” Thor explained seriously.

 

“So... Loki is awake?” Sif asked carefully.

  
“Yes. He is... Yes.” 

  
“And what is he - how is he feeling?” Sif has never felt so awkward. She had to be polite least Thor would get angry again. Shield maiden closed her eyes mentally at how Thor brightened talking about Loki finally waking. 

  
“Loki is...” Suddenly Thor narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

  
“ _Gods_ , Thor I just want to know how Loki is!” 

  
And it was also Loki's fault, Sif thought angrily. Now Thor doubted anyone's sincerity. Even his oldest friends. _Unthinkable_. “The danger is over. A long recovery is what awaits him.” 

  
“What saved him? I mean...his injury was severe and he was left there for three…” Sif trailed off noticing her mistake, but to her relief Thor didn’t react to her words.

  
“His magic. It protected him and kept alive till I came.” Thor replied with a fond little smile.

  
“His tricks again.” Sif smirked, trying to make Thor’s mood to lighten up. 

  
To her surprise, Thor reacted differently. Furrowing his brows in disapproval, a god threw a glare at Sif, obviously not liking her remark. 

  
“ _Magic_ , Sif.” Thor gritted. “If magic could stand a fight against death, I would not dismiss it so carelessly.” 

  
A warrior goddess opened her mouth to argue about how often did Thor himself dismissed this same _magic_ before, and his recent change of heart didn’t mean _they_ had to accept it as well, only Thor was faster. His next words rendered her completely speechless. 

  
“ _You_ would be long dead, Sif. You'd have lost.” 

  
Thor watched how Sif looked at Thor as if he slapped her but he would not take his words back. Why, it was truth. 

  
Loki and Loki only was capable to outsmart death until now. Maybe Thor was close too but situations were entirely different. _Not_ Sif with her weapon and shield. She could be determined and firm, but if circumstances were similar – there was nothing _in_ Sif to fight the death with. So what was the point in lying? 

  
Lady Sif was a strong woman; she had to take the truth that strength was not enough. 

  
Just like Loki always tried to drill in him. Better late than never, right?

 

While Thor was speaking with Sif, Fandral and Volstagg only listened, not interrupting once, seeing as of how now they should weave carefully in talking with Thor. With more and more becoming the future King of Asgard rather than the Crown Prince, their shield brother changed. And if such changes gladdened them as citizens, they disturbed them as friends.

 

“Can we see him?” Volstagg spoke to ease the tension until Sif and Thor didn’t grab each other’s throats or worse – their weapons.

  
“If you wish to see Loki, notify me first. I don't know if he wants to see... uh, anyone.” Thor said. No, ordered.

 

“ _So!_ No adventures?” Fandral joked. No one laughed though.

 

-O.O-

 

“I see you found your drug?”

 

Loki with somewhat delayed reaction turned to look at smiling Thor coming to sit at his usual spot. At his frown of confusion Thor pointed at a book now accurately lying at Loki’s left hand, closed. Loki looked down at what Thor meant and sighed.

 

“I found it on my nightstand. I tried to read but…” Loki closed his eyes. “It’s hard to focus.”

Elder god bit his lip in worry, his joyful mood he was in when he came here, now forgotten.

 

(And it must be Eir, who found a book after Thor’s visits and left it for Loki to find, Thor thought fondly).

 

“You are unwell?” He asked and immediately winced. Stupid question. But Loki only shook his head.

 

“My mind is... blear. Unclear. Strange feeling.” Thor hummed. Actual drugs did their work well then. Better Loki suffered days without reading books than writhed in pain from his wound.

 

They stayed in comfortable silence for some time, both not minding it. Eventually Thor scrambled over Loki’s chest to get that book leaving Loki to doze in peace.

 

After an hour, Loki suddenly jerked and woke, Thor already there to lay him back down. Loki scowled at him halfheartedly but Thor just playfully scowled in return, getting Loki even more annoyed when he brushed Loki’s hair from his face. At this, his little brother huffed and turned away, muttering that he was not an invalid and Thor better stop before he lost his hand for real this time and not as an illusion. Thor only smirked and sat back. No reason to lift a question about nightmares. They both had them and both were fine in not _knowing_.

 

Thunderer noticed how Loki fidgeted with fabric the edge, restless.  

 

“What is it, brother?” Thor asked. Loki shifted his jaw, before responding.

 

“How is…” He coughed a little before continuing. “Where is Odin?”

 

Before Thor pondered on _what_ _in Helheim_ should he answer at Loki’s question, his brother’s breathing hitched and he was coughing for real now. _Ouch_. Loki wheezed helplessly.

 

“Easy. It must be the result of you being left in-“ Thor swallowed his next words in shock. But Loki didn’t take his eyes from Thor and clearly he has seen the anguish cross Thor’s face as well as guilt. Older god tried to change the topic but it was too late.

 

“You left me in the storm?” It was asked with a calm voice. Too calm… nearing to numb. Thor opened his mouth and then closed it. He tried again but nothing came to mind, as he looked into blank unreadable face of his brother. When silence grew too long, Loki finally blinked and chose to look at the ceiling, getting his answer.

 

Only after leaving Svartalfheim Thor deeply regretted that he was a fool for not thinking to carry Loki’s body into some cave that at least would have protected it from unforgiving weather. He didn’t think about anything after he watched Loki’s eyes close. After that, everything became a blur, cleared only by a sharp noise coming from Jane’s small device. Only then Thor begun to come back to himself, pushing thoughts about Loki _far_ in the back of his mind, putting the goal to destroy Malekith and his soldiers. Nothing else mattered then.

 

That night Thor was not brave enough to stay with Loki. Loki said nothing as he left.

 

-O.O-

 

“Thor.”

  
“What is it, brother?”

  
Loki didn't look at him, instead preferring to look where the sun slowly lowered to the horizon. It was obvious Loki wished to ask him something that bothered him. Thor closed the distance and sat at the edge of a bed. 

 

Several days passed before Thor could return to Loki’s side. And what Thor sincerely hoped for was that Loki would not speak about Odin again. His brother’s question got sidetracked the last time they saw each other and then… Thor was still feeling guilty, but if Loki inquires about the man he for all of his life called a father and finds out that he (as Thor believed) not once visited his gravely injured son, preferring to avoid _any_ mention of him… It could throw brothers to where they were before Svartalfheim, and Thor promised himself – he couldn’t let it happen.

 

“Loki?”

  
Finally Loki turned his head to stare at Thor. Confused at Loki's silence, Thor looked over Loki's body, his bandages that were fine, if only to not get annoyed at Loki's unblinking staring. As if realizing what he was doing, Loki blinked and shook his head - Thor noticed how Loki often lost his focus, Eir said it was because of one ingredient she used in healing ointment, it dulled senses - then sighed. 

  
“Thor. I... I can't move…”

   
The ground fell from under Thor’s feet as panic stole Thor's breathe away. Quickly looking over Loki again an older god grabbed Loki's hand that nervously picked on black fur thrown over soft blanket.   


“ _What_?!”

  
Hearing Thor shout brought Loki's attention back to their talk when it wandered away and after a second, the realization dawned at Loki at how his words sounded.

  
“No. No!” He swallowed with difficulty - with trying to negate what he said he almost chocked. By more steady voice he continued. “Calm down, Thor. Norns, I didn't mean it like that.” Younger god smiled a little.

   
Loki patted his brother's hand soothingly to further prove his words. Thor closed his eyes and chastised himself of his own weakened nerves under constant worry and stress, under responsibilities and so few moments of peace. Just imagining Loki immobile and prone for the rest of his life as a result of his injury was more that Thor could bear.

  
“Then _what_ did you mean?” Thor breathed. Loki quirked a brow uncertainly.

  
“I meant that indeed I can't move. I'm stuck in this bed, motionless and defenseless. If... if any would come here... with my dulled senses and incapability of using my magic I am... I am an easy target. It will be nothing for them to-” 

  
“Loki! Stop this nonsense! No one would dare do you harm! I will not allow it!” Thor said with a hint of anger. _If anyone would dare to even think of such a thing_ -

   
Frowning as to why Loki closed his eyes and started to tremble, Thor in horror realized that in his anger and worry he tightened his grip on bare shoulders with so much force in his anger he left bruises on pale skin. Bile rose in his throat at what he's done. His blue eyes stung furiously as he apologetically run his fingers over reddened skin, raising his hands to the neck and then face that turned away from him. Thor looked Loki in the eyes, guarded and unreadable. But Thor felt that he scared Loki by his mindless actions, what worse Loki could be pulling away from their tentative peace. And it was entirely _Thor’s fault_ , because he was reckless and didn't think of his actions. He had almost ruined everything again.

 

“There are guards at the doors-“ He started.

  
“I need something here. At hand's reach.”

   
Still seeing Thor hesitate, Loki sighed.   


“Think, Thor. If even I kill someone – which I have no intention of doing, believe me or not - I would not run from the consequences, seeing that I am unable to even sit without help. But I need...”

   
As Loki's eyes flicked at new formed bruises and then quickly away, Thor swallowed. 

  
“I... I'll think of something, Loki. You... You are right. It is a common place. Anything could happen.” Thor himself always had his hammer on a belt, so why was he so adamant to leave Loki weaponless? Surely after everything that happened he was not that desperate to protect his brother to the point of possessiveness? It was madness. He should stop it. But it was Loki. So “Loki. If you... You know that nothing will save you if you kill someone without cause. I warn you, brother-“

  
“Heimdall is watching Thor.” Loki interrupted. He sounded absolutely spent. Or fed up with everyone telling him the same thing over and over again.

  
Thor shut his mouth. Loki was right. They were warriors, their weapons always on their person. Loki was bedridden, without magic, alone. Thor didn't think someone would _dare_ , but there were still those who didn't like Loki, held a grudge or something else. Loki had enemies in other realms and if they heard that Loki was in such dire position and state of health, it was a perfect opportunity. _Loki was right._  

  
“I'll go fetch something for you as well as dinner.” Thor relented.

   
“You know I can't eat your food, Thor.” Loki said exhausted. He was a step from falling asleep. 

  
Thor nodded. It was not the first time he preferred to spend his evenings here and skip his travel to grand hall to dine with others. He wanted quiet and not loud Aesir with their loud drunken shouts and nonstop rumors. He still loved to attend them but… Not right now. Not with so many important people absent from the table.

  
Before he was gone, Thor hesitated and looked back at the form in a bed. Bruises have only darkened.

 

He was a fool.   


“I'm sorry Loki.” 

  
His little brother turned to look at him in honest surprise that shouldn't have felt like a stab in Thor's heart. Surely he apologized enough to Loki in the past… 

  
“It's all right, Thor.” Loki whispered. Then he nodded and turned away. 

  
Thor inhaled and steadied himself. He quietly closed the door after himself. 

 

That evening not even Tyr was able to keep Thor from destroying all training dummies in the arena.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: I worked the most on this chapter, trying to show those babies’ reuniting :3 I can only hope it was okay <3


	6. Kindness

A/N: My sincerest apologizes for the wait and thanks to everyone who is reading and waiting for me to continue. You are the best *-*

 

Please enjoy!

 

~ Chapter 6 ~

 

Kindness

 

-O.O-

 

“Where did you get this?”

 

Thor turned to see Loki inspecting the book more thoroughly, completely opposite of the previous day when the younger god could barely hold it in his hands for any length of time.

 

“Oh! Jane gave it to me the last time I saw her. She... She was truly surprised to find out you survived after seeing you... die before her eyes.” Thor finished quietly. There were no words to describe how _Thor_ was devastated as seconds ticked while Loki lay in his arms, _dying_ , and he could do nothing but watch. How his heart literally stopped when those eyes closed for the last time. How his life has found a new meaning with Loki still drawing breath. How happy he was to be the one his brother saw when he awoke.

 

“Well I'm _full_ of surprises-”, Loki said with a tired sigh. Thor laughed a little.

 

“She put me on a mission to be a messenger of sorts.” At Loki’s heartfelt raised brow, Thor patted his brother’s knee. “Jane wanted you to know that she is very grateful you protected her and kept her safe on Svartalfheim. She wishes you will get better soon, brother.” Thor said with a bright smile.

 

Thor watched as Loki at first only blinked from hearing his words. His brother’s face was unreadable and closed off, almost… shrewd. Thor could not imagine what Loki was thinking – had he understood his words at all? But then Loki frowned in apparent surprise and eventually smiled. It was a soft smile, barely there. It was the first _true_ smile Thor saw since Loki woke and he was happy it was because of Jane.

 

“Of course. Is she well?” Thor with excessive enthusiasm recalled that Jane was back to her normal life; working and trying to solve riddles the universe presented to her. He also said that Jane was a great support during the time when Loki was indisposed and Thor in a need of an ear. Thor said Jane would like to thank Loki personally but she was not sure she would ever want to visit Asgard again. Too much has happened and only time would help her forget horrors of war.

 

Thor may have lied a little, saying that Jane appreciated Loki’s mind and wit, because she was unaware of the plan when Loki played a role of Thor’s and Asgard’s enemy. But when she realized what was it Loki has done, she was impressed – that was true. Thor knew for sure that Jane was not as affected by Loki’s loss as Thor was – Loki was not her family after all – but she was glad he lived. Without Loki there could have been no victory.

 

“I see.” Loki nodded a little. “However maybe what she says is not true. You may have won without me… But at least one person has... noticed.” Loki finished with too much sadness to what mood he was just a moment before. Thor scowled at Loki's perception on what was going on.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Loki startled at Thor's rather loud question and demanding tone. For a few seconds he just blinked rapidly, unconsciously rubbing a thumb against his own palm. Looking away Loki finally said what he was thinking.

 

“You... you are the only one I saw here, beside Eir and her helpers, who... Um. Forget it.”

 

Thor didn't need to hear more to understand what Loki meant. _Apparently,_ his little brother was under the illusion that nobody in Asgard aside from Thor gave a damn about his state of being or the role he has played in the events of the battle. But really - Thor didn't think seeing others was the right decision when Loki as a creature of finesse was in so bad a shape. Until Loki decides he is fine enough to let others see him, Thor will guard him from any rumors or undesired attention.

 

As of now, he couldn’t keep silent.

 

“Loki. Half of the palace – sorry I have no idea of the city - rejoiced on the news that you woke up.”

 

Loki's eyes widened and his mouth opened in disbelief. Thor continued not stopping to give Loki time to recover.

 

“There was not a day when I was walking corridors some Aesir of any rank didn't stop me to inquire about your health. I often was late to my duties because of this.” He finished with feigned displeasure.

 

Loki was still too shocked to react. But then his eyes dropped, lost and raw for such good news. He quietly asked. His voice rough.

 

“Are you lying to me?”

 

Thor could have reminded who from the two of them was the greatest liar but refrained when he saw just how important this question was to his brother. To know that someone thought of him, to know someone cared - to believe he was not abandoned.

 

_(Thor felt a pang in his gut realizing that sitting under Asgard in his lonely cell, Loki was indeed abandoned and forgotten for many months, cut out from any visitors or news, staying in the dark about life going on around him. Especially by Thor, coming only when he had no choice rather than just to visit a man in nearly two years…Taking Loki from isolation only to bring him harm and near death)._

 

“I am not.” Thor said simply and honestly. Loki swallowed and snuggled back on his bed more comfortably, burying his face in a pillow, his eyes not meeting Thor's as the older god remembered a few recent illustrations of people’s care for his brother’s wellbeing or just instances when Loki was mentioned in kind.

 

“If...” Thor barely picked up on a quiet murmur. “When those _people_ would stop you again, tell them…” Thunderer held his breath afraid of what Loki would ask of him to do and if it would be something hurtful or unreasonable because surely Loki didn't look like he believed him. “Tell them I am grateful for their worrying. I appreciate their… concern.”

 

Joy seeped in Thor's heart hearing Loki say that. He barked a happy laugh at which Loki stiffened but relaxed soon enough as Thor patted his knee once again and replied in answer.

 

“Of course I'll do it, brother. It gladdens me you accept the truth. People DO care about their second prince, even more than you can imagine.”

 

Loki stayed silent after that, him still hidden beneath all the bedding so that Thor wouldn't have a glimpse of what mood Loki was in. Thor didn't mind, respecting Loki's privacy, preferring to beat the silence with latest news from Asgard and various incidents he endured during last months.

 

After a while, Thor fell silent. Carefully not making a noise, he stood up and quietly circled the bed, stopping at the other side where Loki was turned. Just as he suspected his brother has fallen asleep somewhere during his speech. Smiling softly Thor leaned down and carefully peeled the edge of fluffy creamy colored blanket from the pale face. Looking down at the familiar features Thor was resigned to notice that Loki looked tired even in sleep when his face was relaxed and in peace. Suddenly the sun caught onto something bright and Thor's chest tightened when he saw tears shining on the black lashes.

 

Sighing, Thor pulled a blanket higher on Loki's shoulders, saving as much warmth as possible. Gently brushing raven hair and kissing pale forehead - only then Thor straightened and walked to the door. Giving his brother one last look, the Crown Prince went about his day.

 

And that day and many to come those who asked were pleasantly surprised to hear words of thanks delivered from the second prince of Asgard.

 

-O.O-

 

Eir was back after two days absence and Thor had to wait for her to finish her immediate tasks in the palace before he would be able to talk to her. He was eager to hear news about her travel to provide Loki with a solution for straightening his own magic reserves. Because no matter how Thor tried to close his eyes on that, the fact that Loki was suffering was apparent.

 

Thor still was not sure how exactly an Asgardian could be this weak without magic in him – Thor himself didn’t have magic beside that connected to Mjolnir, but Loki was clearly different than anyone he ever knew.

 

He always was.

 

After Eir was free from her duties, she and Thor went to the spacious sunny room that was designed for providing comfort to those who were visiting patients. It had many windows, little tables full of fruits and the purest water anyone could find in Asgard. The colors of furniture, walls and floor were warm and calming.

 

The Head Healer led Thor to sit at one of the tables near the windows that showed the rich palace gardens. The day was beautiful, sunny, and pleasantly warm.

 

Eir took a deep breath and started to talk.

 

She confirmed Thor’s worried observations about how Loki’s health was worsening because his body needed its magic back; how Eir limited her own help. The blood she cleared with healing mixtures was finally free of infection, but to prevent any hitches it had to be supervised further.

 

Eir honestly shared in that Loki asked her to leave him be, to take her magic away so that he would try to normalize his state himself, but Eir had doubts. Loki was too weak. But he was also too stubborn. The second prince quietly ordered her to grant his wish as soon as possible and this the Healer Eir had to obey.

 

Privately Eir understood wholeheartedly Loki’s wish to hasten procedures but… how could she watch the man she knew from his early years consciously subject himself to _this_? It was called the healing torture. How Eir hated that term.

 

Has he not suffered enough? It wasn’t fair – this wound, this poison, this pain. _Curse Dark Elves and their filthy technologies!_ Tis only good they were all dead.

 

That however would inevitably result in degraded state of health and frequent bouts of agony. Loki’s own magic was achingly slow to begin regenerate and support him, little amount it was though. Eir knew Loki despised her and her assistants’ magic flowing inside him and wanted to be rid of it, of course appreciating that their magic repaired him a little but still – it was foreign and it was unnatural. Loki wanted it out. And she was going to do it.

 

Thor listened, nodded, asked questions. He also understood Eir’s position and her reluctance. He too didn’t want Loki to suffer, but if it was needed – what choice did he have? Passed the time when Thor had to choose Loki’s treatment. Now it was in the hands of the patient.  

 

“I visited my good friend in Vanaheim. She was kind to help me. There are unfortunately some little complications for the spell that would help your brother to ease his magic’s return.” Eir said as she rubbed her forehead. She chuckled sadly. “I never thought your brother would ever _need_ it, but alas. Everything happens for the first time. I will have to read on it, then it would be done.”

 

“What complications?” Thor asked frowning.

 

“We use Aesir standards. The spell should be precise. And seeing as your brother is a Jotun-“

 

Thor jerked in horror as he stared at Eir. Looking around to make sure no one was there and heard them, he turned back to the woman. _Oh, Gods_.

 

“What?! No, no!” He swallowed at continued in more calm voice. “You are mistaken, Lady Eir.“ He said with as much conviction as he could. _It would be a disaster if people knew. Loki would not survive it._

 

“Oh?” Was all the Healer said. She straightened in her chair and put her hands in her lap. Apparently waiting for Thor to continue.

 

“This spell… it- it should work on Loki just well. He is of Asgard. I’m sure that…” Thor bit his lip. Why was it so hard to lie to this woman? Why _should_ he at all? Wasn’t she trustworthy? She was! But… _No. Loki would be in grave danger if news leaked in the world. Healers talk. Servants could hear, then whisper to others. It was too risky._  

 

It was no other that any other spell. And Loki was always treated like an Aesir before. Now was the same. All would be _fine_.

 

“Your Majesty…” Thor slowly raised his head to look at Eir. He flinched at what he saw - when before there was a kind, caring gaze now was a furious disappointed stare pointed at him.

 

“Eir?” He tried.

 

“ _I_ know perfectly _well_ who your brother is, _Thor_!” Eir cut him wrathfully, each word like a knife to his gut. “And _it means nothing_ to me.”

 

“You… know?” Thor looked at the ground. No one knew in the palace aside from father, his friends and himself. _Who else knew_? “When did you…” Thor trailed.

 

“Since he was first put in my arms. Have you ever seen me treat him any different? Have I ever endangered him? _Your Majesty_.” Eir finished with a hint of rage at her addressing him.

 

“No.” A god whispered. Eir raised her chin.

 

“And I won't. Unlike you!” Eir jumped to her feet ready to leave. Thor hurried after her. _What has he done? He just wanted to protect Loki, that was all!_

 

“What do you mean?” He cried at her back.

 

Eir rounded at the young god in anger, poking him with a finger. Hard.

 

“Do you even realize than should I err in one word, one little drop, one wrong move and your brother would be left crippled? It is not some healing stone equally used on any creature with the same results, it is a special sorcery with absolutely no right to make a tiniest mistake! You treasure your war hammer so much, imagine if I need to cut your nail but because you concealed vital information from me, I cut off your hand to the elbow! It is a crude comparison but maybe you will understand better.” Thor gasped in shock. If he hid Loki’s heritage…

 

“You could have irreversibly harmed your brother. So. Unless you wanted my vow of silence, I will go see to my patients. With your pitiful try at _lying to me_ , I lost any wish to talk to you, my Lord. I already know what I would need to use.” Thor’s eyes widened in surprise. Suddenly he realized that he didn’t want this woman to be mad at him. Least of all disappointed. _Yes, he made a mistake, but he meant well!_

 

“Lady Eir, I –“ But she cut him.

 

“No. And if you wish to copy your father in this, then you have a lot to learn how to actually lie to me. I care for Loki's health and I thought the members of his _family_ would help me in this. Without this… farce which has gone too far and for far too long.” With that, Eir with elegance smoothed the fabric of her white gown and walked away.

 

 “I'm sorry...” But no one answered on Thor’s quiet apology.

-O.O-

 

"Interesting." Loki muttered. "Vanir touch I presume?"

 

Today was the first day Loki would start to drink the special concoction to heighten the level of Loki’s innate magic as well as the first day Eir would retrieve seidr flowing through Loki back to herself.

 

"Correct. Lady Bella offered her help in your treating. She wished to come, but alas times nowadays are too dangerous as our king says. Bifrost is unavailable."

 

"Um... why?" Eir raised an unimpressed brow a Loki's dumbfounded expression. He was sitting in the pile of pillows leaning against the headboard. Her eyes caught the sight of some golden threads in his hand but she paid them no mind – some trinket maybe. Eir has already checked the wound – it was still raw and tender, but nonetheless healing wonderfully if not for the ugly visage. Nevertheless, in time even scars could be erased if one should wish it. However, Aesir preferred to leave them. Loki was vain and the wound too deep to simply get rid of it, but Eir would see what could be done.

 

"Why did she wish to come you mean?" Loki nodded, still confused. Eir rolled her eyes and going beyond her strict character pinched Loki in the arm and laughed when Loki yelped in surprise.

 

" _Because_ Bella wanted to make sure you are as healthy as she is capable to make you, boy.” It was difficult for Eir to see these men, princes, as anything but little boys – hardened, burdened, hurt, bleeding – but still boys, still so young… “Also she wanted to greet you as the true warrior and savior, who laid his life for his family, protected his brother, avenged our kin in the face of Her Majesty the Queen and made sure the Nine Realms were safe for us to live in, at the cost of his health."

 

Loki was looking too strangely at her until he wasn’t. His brows furrowed more and more with each word she said.

 

"W-what?" He breathed quietly as if to himself, disbelief too apparent in his troubled eyes.

 

Eir blinked. And then decided that the boy deserved everything she was going to lay on his shoulders. _Silly child._ Busying herself with taking her instruments and used bottles to the shelves, the woman continued with the air of no concern.

 

"I don't know if anyone told you but young Prince Iswandr of Alfheim - I remember you were friends once - wanted to come to Asgard to pay you a visit. His sister asked to accompany him. King Odin refused... saying it was too early as well as unsafe, though Alfheim's royal family is more than capable of defending itself. But our King was adamant, so what can you do? My girls heard _Princess Sigyn_ sent you a letter-” When Loki only stared at her, Eir nodded. “I see you did not receive it. Shame. Anyway, I am not a messenger but surely, Prince Thor let you know you are not forgotten. Especially by our people."

 

When the silence stretched for far too long, the woman stole a glance at her quiet patient. Eir was surprised when she saw him no longer sitting but lying down, attention concentrated on the threads dancing in thin fingers, trying to untie all knots not breaking the hold. Now Eir clearly saw what it was. It was a children's game, rare and highly unpopular in Asgard because of its difficulty. Thor must have brought it from Loki's chambers. Taking a moment to admire the precision of Loki's movements Eir almost overlooked just how much Loki's hands trembled, him trying to hide this fact with playing a child's toy.

 

"My Prince?" Loki huffed in annoyance. Oh, yes, he told her to stop calling him that. Too bad for him.

 

"Yes?"

 

Denial at its best. Well, she delivered what she wanted him to hear. How Loki would deal with the information was his task alone to perform.

 

"I think we'll try to give you some normal food. It is as good a day as any other. What do you think?" She asked kindly.

 

Loki lifted his head. Gratitude for changing the subject was there in the corners of his eyes and mouth. Eyes swiped to the side, a lip bit in a thought. A slow thoughtful nod. Eir gave Loki a big smile.

 

"Good."

 

-O.O-

 

As it was often in the last months, Thor was summoned to give his father reports of everything he did for every task he was afforded. Never before had Thor been watched so closely. Stark difference if compared to the times before his coronation. Then Odin was looking through his fingers at everything Thor had done, didn’t even chastise him if Thor managed to entangle himself in a spectacular mess.

 

Seems those happy times ended for good.

 

Standing before the throne, giving the All Father dry facts about what he had accomplished these days, Thor not for the first time internally screamed at the metaphorical leash wrapped around his neck, restricting him, dragging him down, and cutting the most needed air. Thor wanted out, wanted to be free of duties – at least for a short while – to just breathe. His duty was too difficult to perform alone - without his brother by his side that always made him surer of himself, without calming and reassuring presence of his mother, gods, even without his friends – all alone. Father didn’t make his life any easier, almost cruelly pushing him forward.

 

The crown had never been more a curse than a blessing. Thunderer wished to help Asgard with all his heart, but he also worried for Midgard. How were his friends doing? Were they well? Were they capable of defending their home without him being near to help?

 

And… The king would need a queen, and _what about Jane_? He was not in any way ready to let her go.

 

If his father would just… Oh, how Thor wished his mother was here. She would know how to talk to Odin. Thor couldn’t, because father still was cold with him. All this for saving Asgard. _Ugh_!

 

Could it be that father sent him away to learn more about kingship, gave him more time – as Thor saw it All Father was capable of remaining on the throne for some years yet. Thor would help all he could, he wouldn’t leave his father. But everything crashing together on his head was too much.

 

Maybe _this time_ father called him so he finally would give him some respite?

 

Odin listened to Thor’s report, but then evenly said something that made Thor still in surprise. What? He apparently heard wrong. It couldn’t be what he was thinking, what he was dreading. Not now.

 

“ _What_?” Thor breathed.

 

“You heard me, Thor. I called our allies from all the realms to visit Asgard. We need to _show_ them that our realm is strong as ever, and your main course would be keeping them _all_ away from _our business_ -“

 

“ _My_ course?” Thor interrupted, soon wincing at his boldness. But he couldn’t keep silent because he was _confused_. What course? Him?

 

“What did you think?” Odin scoffed. “Don’t be fooled – you will act as king. Unofficial of course, but you will perform your first meetings acting as King of Asgard. I will not help you, nor will I step in if you make a mistake. It will be your first independent presentation as the ruler of Asgard. Soon enough I will make it official, just you wait.”

 

No respite.

 

The world has narrowed to this exact moment. Father was going to coronate him. Now. Soon. With no turning back. How many times Thor hinted that he needed his help, how many times he asked to postpone the crowning until later, how much he expressed that he was not ready to be king?

 

“Father, I love you, but _your_ love has gone…” Thor’s voice trembled. He didn’t know what he was saying, he was so shocked, he couldn’t even express what he meant to say. It was most sentiment he had ever shown to father. He did love his father, yes, but Odin’s love was… without compassion. Was it even love? Thor wasn’t even sure his father could feel anything toward him other that anger. Cold, silent anger. And disappointment.

 

But if think about it… _how dare he_? What, Odin never made a mistake? Never made a desperate decision? Couldn’t fantom that sometimes he was wrong? Thor. Saved. Asgard. Treason or not. _Be it that Thor could see in the future and have a proof that possibly Asgard would have fallen if Aether stayed within her borders._ Pointless wishing.

 

Why couldn’t father open up to him? Why couldn’t he scream at Thor as a father should? Punish him once and forget the thing? Why not hear his side of the story? Why should he be so distant and uncaring to his family? Gods above, his sons were the only ones he has left. Only that father forgets about Loki completely, not wishing to hear a thing about him; he punishes Thor constantly, making him work endlessly, being a strict king instead of the father of the family. He spends more time with his advisers than he does his sons, preferring the sons out of his way. Reported of their actions instead of _going to them and asking himself_. Oh…

 

Him. Thor. Not _them_.

 

Loki could be dead for all Odin cared. Heartless, Thor thinks, that Odin is losing his chance to reconcile with Loki when his son needs him most, in his weakened vulnerable state.

 

 _Coward_.

 

And Thor as well. If they could just talk freely, without Asgard and the throne coming between them. Just like father and son… Thor also was in dire need of his father right now…

 

 “I don’t wish to hear what you think about what is it in my heart, son. Claim your birthright I worked so hard for; take the place you were destined to have. And do not. Dare. _Argue_. With. Me. When I say, you will become king I raised you to be and rule in my stead – after what you have done, you would be the best king Asgard saw, to atone for the crimes you shamed yourself with, for mistakes, for pride, for arrogance. No more of it, my son.”

 

Thor stood frozen feeling the last hope for freedom crushed under Odin’s boot.

 

Father has spoken. It was over.

 

“The feast will be next week. Prepare – it will be the first time you will be on your own. The coronation itself will be sometime next month; my advisers would call for you. Spend this time productively. Yes, and Thor?”

 

Odin raised his chin to look at still frozen Thor.

 

“Make sure no _thing_ disrupts _this_ coronation or I don’t know what I will do.”

 

-O.O-

 

Beil heard a scream cut short from inside the secure chamber. Unleashing his sword the guard ran inside, weapon ready to kill the enemies.

 

Making a quick observation of all exits and windows of the place Beil stopped. Because there were no enemies inside. Shifting his gaze to the bed, Beil's eyes widened in surprise and horror as he saw the second prince lying in a broken heap on the floor. It must have been him screaming.

 

Beil threw his sword on the ground, not caring much about it when he run to crouch above a motionless body near the foot of the bed.

 

“My Prince...”

 

Very carefully, Beil rolled the ill man's body on his back and winced as he saw that supposedly white bandages became stained in crimson.

 

“Prince?”

 

Eyes were open but Loki looked dazed and on a verge of falling unconscious. He must have bit his lip very hard seeing as it thinly bled down his jaw.

 

Knowing that he could not leave the injured prince lying on the floor, Beil shifted so he would lift him more swiftly and with as little disturbance as possible. Only that when Beil grasped bare shoulders Loki’s wrist flew to catch his in turn, the hold strong for a weakened person. But maybe pain had fueled his hold. Beil let Loki stop his movements, even if those fingers would leave bruises later.

 

“No... Be s-still... Please...” Loki spoke slowly, trying to regulate his breathing that was erratic. Beil stopped; so they both remained immobile. Loki was stiff in other’s arms and defensive. Not once did he look at Beil, which was strange.

 

_He meant Loki no harm…_

 

“Have you forgotten everyone in your time outside Asgard, my Prince?” Beil risked asking. Loki blinked after what he slowly lifted his head and really _looked_ at the guard above him. Recognition flickered in green eyes as well as confusion.

 

Beil Belioffson was just mere decades older than Loki but still younger than Thor. As men came to an age, Beil as the son of one of the best royal guards near the royal family took a position as Prince Loki’s personal guard. Many mocked him at first of how unlucky he was to get the more subdued and quiet prince from the brothers, which meant no hunts, or drunken adventures or fighting. That what Beil would get, were libraries, Halls of Knowledge, Healing Rooms, treasure rooms and places like gardens and other _unmanly_ places.

 

Beil soon found out how wrong others were. Spending his whole youth on training grounds, sharpening his skills to be worthy to wear a golden cape, Beil was truly glad that Loki – even when he _was_ a great warrior, master of a knife, a bow, and staffs – was not a frequent visitor of training grounds. If Loki wanted to spar – he went to Thor.

 

Years later Beil was the one to see High Guests at Odin’s table particularly in person – Elves, Vanir royalty, ambassadors of faraway realms only a number of Aesir was lucky to see. And thanks to Loki Beil was one of them.

 

It would be inaccurate to say Loki cared about who guarded him at the palace, but it was more others got. Sure, Prince Loki didn’t go about to actually befriend Beil, but in centuries they knew each other Loki asked after him, was not ignorant. Little attention here, good wishes there and even if not close, but they were on good terms with each other.

 

What was more, Prince Loki had actually helped when Beil had problems with his family - by being silent and not reporting that one time he defied his commander – it was an offense worth disposition from the palace. High nobles delighted in rumors or shortcomings of lower society, only happy to point out other’s shame.

 

Prince Loki commanded respect and loyalty from his inner circle. If you serve him well, you can be sure no wrath of his will befall you, especially if a matter does not concern him.

 

It was the dark time in Beil’s life and being ready to lose his position, the young guard was cleared by just one word of his prince. _That_ Beil never forgot.

 

So being familiar with a lad for centuries, gave Beil nothing but sorrow to see his prince in such a state. Also being the prisoner in his own home. When King Odin came to his father to demand two qualified guards to watch over Loki, Beil all but volunteered. No one had objections, not realizing that _actually_ it was ethically against the rules. But King Odin just waved him off. Well, all the better.

 

“I see my mischief… has corrupted you, guard. Know that my word means nothing anymore if-if you get caught.” Beil laughed. Indeed, if he were caught he would get in trouble – maybe even accused of conspiring with the prisoner, seeing as Beil was compromised. But, first and foremost Beil vowed to guard and protect. And he would do it with his life.

 

And no one seemed to remember things concerning the second prince’s company.

 

“Then you should know I already have an excuse. Knowing you best, gives me advantages others don’t have. I’ll go with it and see where it would lead, my Prince.” Blood worried Beil, but Loki looked content to just lay there on the floor with his head in Beil’s lap. The guard just hoped someone would come soon.

 

“I have changed, guard. Your pitiful knowledge of me h-has no more value.” Words were cold, and Beil frowned. Yes, his prince changed a lot. Maybe he would think of it later, when the situation wouldn’t be so dire.

 

“Are you certain you wish to remain here on the floor, milord? What- what were you even doing?” Beil was fine with staying like that, but Lady Eir would have words with him, and the young guard was a little afraid of that woman, if he was sincere. That first time she approached him would never be erased from Beil’s memory. The woman was frightening.

 

“Obviously I tried to stand. I…” Loki trailed. “I overestimated myself.” He sighed tiredly. His jaw was tight that gave Beil an impression that something was seriously wrong just below the surface, and Loki hid it. Like the great storm was ready to burst. But the prince was stoic.

 

Beil knew he had to go back to his post. But… leaving things as they were opposed his honor. So he decided to remain here until someone would come. Prince Loki was already resting, not minding that he was on the cold floor instead of bed, also his wound – it was the first time Beil saw it, confirming the rumors – has stopped bleeding, only having pulled a few stitches, and overall Prince Loki needed only a short respite.

 

:::::

 

That was how Thor found them. The first thought was that there was someone with his brother in the room, where _no one should have without his permission_. Then Thor saw that Loki was down… on the floor… unconscious. Gods, Thor gave Loki his dagger, small and deadly to defend himself. He saw Loki put it under his pillow – did he use it? Or did he have no time to react?!

 

The guard! It was the guard who stayed at the doors – why was he holding his brother down? And Loki… he was hurt.  

 

Bleeding.

 

Seeing Loki's pale face, his pained expression, blood on his lips and trembling body...

 

_No one lays a hand on his brother._

 

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Thunderer roared in rage.

 

Loki flinched from his light sleep by Thor's booming voice. Beil also winced, turning to look at the Crown Prince. Thor threateningly raised Mjolnir and quickly crossed the room to stand above two figures on the floor with a furious expression on his face. Beil stayed calm and collected – his concern was with a man lying in his hands.

 

“Beil helped me when I… hurt myself.” So Prince Loki did not forget him, Beil thought with a small smile as he started to slowly easy Loki into sitting position.

 

“Out!”

 

Loki scoffed angrily at Thor’s impatient order and pushed his brother’s hand away when it was offered him. Beil was instantly there when Loki waved for him to lean closer and help him stand. Thor had no choice but to stand back. The guard carefully led Loki to sit on the bed and backed away to pick up his sword from where he threw it.

 

“Beil? Thank you for your help.” Loki murmured. “And I’m sorry for inconvenience.”

 

“No trouble, My Lord.”

 

When finally doors closed, Thor whirled to face Loki and was surprised by the immediate difference that took place on Loki’s face – from fairly composed his brother looked like he wanted to murder someone. All in his eyes. It seemed to Thor that he would do, if he came a little closer. He didn’t notice before, but now it was in plain sight – Loki was too calm and collected, but the energy swirled just under his skin, ready to explode. Slowly coming closer, Thor also noticed how Loki’s pupils were dilated, his jaw clenched, but nothing else showed his apparent discomfort. Thor was worried.

 

“ _What was it_?” He hissed, more concerned than angry. Loki scoffed.

 

“It was you acting like your usual oafish self, Thor.”

 

“Why am I oaf?” How should he have reacted seeing them? Yes, maybe he was a little harsh regarding guard, but what in Hel? Also Loki was so still, Thor felt stupid having shouted for everyone to hear. It was not his fault… was it?

 

“Because you jumped to conclusions and later dismissed that guard like an annoying fly. Maybe I wished to speak with him?” Loki tilted his head innocently. Too faked even for him.

 

“You are _not_ allowed to…“ Thor started to disagree until interrupted by Loki.

 

“Oh, _yes_. I see. Least I possess their minds and turn them against everything they hold dear. Is that right? Because with my drug-filled mind I could forget something, you know.” Loki finished sarcastically. Thor frowned at Loki’s obvious angry retort. It was the first on his memory when Loki acted like this after awakening and wasn’t even hiding it.

 

“Stop this nonsense, Loki-” Thor started.

 

“ _Why_? Are you going to punish me if I don’t? Go ahead!”

 

Thor flinched. Now he noticed Loki’s hands trembling as they tried to squeeze the life from each other, where they were linked together. Loki hid his face from him.

 

“Whatever is wrong with you?” Thor approached his brother slowly. He didn’t like how Loki breathed too deep and he still didn’t look at him. He knew something was wrong – from the moment he laid his eyes on the Trickster - but what? It couldn’t be his ‘oafish behavior’, it was something else.

 

“Need I write a list? Just in case stock more paper, will you?” Thor has had enough.

 

“ _LOKI_!”

 

Finally, the younger god turned to look at him. Thor was unprepared to see angry tears in his brother’s eyes, him drowning in helplessness.

 

“Loki?...” Thor asked tenderly. _“What is it?”_

 

Loki watched him with expression nearing hateful, like it was all Thor’s fault. But then… he blinked and took a breath, turning his face away, expression shattered. He sniffed and lowered his head on his knees where he sat curled on the bed. Thor neared closer and put his hands carefully on Loki’s back.

 

“It hurts…” Loki murmured after a short silence.

 

“What hurts?” Thor lifted his hands higher on thin shoulders, warming chilled skin.

 

“ _Everything_. Every nerve, every muscle, every bone. I feel like I’m on fire. And it’s _not going away_!” Loki screeched. Thor sorrowfully exhaled. _So the magic withdrawal finally started affecting Loki._

 

“Loki, it is… it is only for a couple of days. Eir said-“

 

“ _I know what she said_ , Thor. Words don’t make me feel better!”

 

Thor tried to find something to say. Loki was lashing out because he didn’t know how to relieve the pain he was in. Eir indeed said that after Loki endures this phase of extracting magic, he would truly begin to heal. With Loki’s own magic coming back, Loki would be on his feet in no time.

 

They just had to go through these horrible couple of days.

 

Looking at his brother as he curled even more in on himself, sniffing and gasping, Thor agreed that words indeed would do little in this situation. So not minding how Loki resisted at first, Thor leaned Loki’s frame to his side, embracing that lean body in one-armed hug, with black head buried in his neck. Loki tried to free himself from the cage of blonde’s hold but it was futile.

 

Always has been, if a weapon wasn’t near to strike Thor with.

 

From time to time Thor had to press Loki closer as the younger god let out a tiny keening noise when pain was most unbearable. Thor had to restrain his astonishment for it was stunning how Loki held his pain in check when others were near. How he let himself deflate only with Thor present. Only when they sat together, side by side, Loki let himself express what he was truly feeling. And it was horrible.

 

There was an important meeting Thor had to ascend – it was the reason he came here, to tell Loki about his future coronation - but in no possible way he was going to leave Loki in this state alone and choose it instead of comforting his brother. Sometimes family was more important than the throne.

 

Was it his father understood that. His help would be very appreciative now.

 

After some time when Loki’s tears dried on his cheeks and the pain diminished for bearable levels, Loki just sat there on the bed and intently picked at one of Thor’s circular discs on his breastplate. Thor let him, himself choosing to stroke the black locks, sometimes using his nails to scrap pleasantly along the scalp, what made Loki sigh in contentment.

 

Thor’s head was totally void of any thoughts. It was nice to just sit there and do nothing in quiet, warmth and with Loki by his side.

 

That was why he didn’t catch at first that Loki had said. 

 

“I tried to stand today”. Was whispered quietly near his ear. Thor furrowed his brows, keeping his eyes on crumpled sheets they both sat upon. Slightly shifting his head, Thor touched his cheek on Loki’s soft hair.  

 

“Was it really necessary, Loki?”

 

”It was.” He replied thinly.

 

 “Why?”

 

When Loki hesitated, Thor turned Loki that way so they faced one another, taking pale hands in his.

 

“I don't see you as weak, brother. Nor do I wish for you to stay forever in this bed. But most of all I don't want to see you suffer...” The Thunderer said with affection clear in his voice.

 

Finally Loki whispered, like a wind.

 

“Lying like this brings memories of being back there... in pain, not able to move... Helpless. It reminds me that soon everything will be over... If I don't get up I...”

 

The heavy weight settled on his shoulders, as Thor stopped to imagine what Loki was talking about. No pleasant thoughts.

 

Before Thor had time to think of what to say at that painful reveal, Loki changed the topic.

 

“Why did you come?”

 

“Oh. Um. There- there would be a feast soon. I have to attend.” Thor winced. Loki must have gotten used to Thor always being there with him, every evening – even if only for a short moment – Thor came. The elder god had no idea how long will the oncoming meetings and after festivity last, but better Loki would know from him.

 

“Hm. I see. What reason for the celebration? If I can ask.” Loki questioned.

 

Thor sighed quietly.

 

“My future coronation.” And waited for the inevitable reaction…

 

Which didn’t come. Loki didn’t react. He simply stayed in place, calm and even.

 

“Tis good.”

 

Even if he didn’t show it, Thor was surprised at Loki’s mild words, as if it was not something that broke their lives the last time. Was Loki really not caring for the crown at all? Was his brother content with Thor ascending the throne? _Did Loki finally let go?_

 

“Really? You don’t think it’s rushed, that father is going too fast?”

 

“No.” Loki answered with a little shake of his head. “You are ready.“

 

Something in Thor’s soul quietly settled with Loki’s blessing. It didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of the future, but somehow he realized that now was not the same as the botched coronation years ago. Maybe Loki was right and he was indeed ready?

 

Only time would show.

 

Squeezing Loki’s shoulder Thor let his little brother know he heard him. And was thankful.

 

“Wait for me tomorrow. After dinner. We will get you back on your feet. Even if I disagree.”

 

Thor didn't have to imagine the crease in Loki's eyebrow born from confusion. He knew it from how for a moment Loki stopped breathing. And how a moment later he tried to suppress his utter relief – most likely for not being alone in his fight for bringing his life back to normal. (And Thor just loved how he kept surprising Loki time and again).

 

Thor promised to take care of his little brother - which he would continue to do.

 

***

 

When not for the first time catching the weird glances thrown his way, Thor excused himself to find out what was wrong – people stared and for once it was not in appreciation.

 

And barked a delighted laugh seeing how one of his torso metallic circles was neatly removed, leaving an asymmetric shame of an armor.

 

_“Sneaky little beast.”_

 

-O.O-

 

What Thor could not imagine ever happening since they became enemies, then unwilling allies, then brothers again – was that Loki would _willingly_ subtly help him if he had some kind of problems. At first when Thor visited and spoke about troubles awaiting him when he would step out from the Healing Halls and return to his duties, Loki has only listened. Not once did Loki raise a question about Odin after that one time, accepting Thor’s silent avoidance as it was – Odin didn’t care and preferred to forget Loki existed. Loki said he was not surprised and was fine with it, but Thor knew his brother all his life. Only blind would not notice that Loki was not _fine_ with that. However, much like in many other things Thor could do little regarding his father.

 

Thor worked in his full capacity, but still finding the right solution to a problem took more time having to research and relearn all the information available to actually make it. Delays were noticeable, when Thor asked for a little time instead of providing the answer immediately, but people understood – that with workload due to the attack, family problems, and grief. So for now people sympathized with king-to-be. Thor didn’t want to think of the time when they would stop and demand his quick wit and mind.

 

Treats his brother has always excelled in.

 

At first, Thor even thought that his complaints amused his brother, showing him how foolish Thor was to ever wishing to be king, how not ready he was to take it _all_ on himself. Then Thor also thought that his voice often soothed Loki to sleep – the Crown Prince agreed wholeheartedly with reactions like these.

 

Though it was more shocking and heartwarming because Thor also noticed Loki’s little remarks when Thor was too miserable to find a solution himself. (Odin had put him in court and daily the Crown Prince had to listen to his citizens and their crimes/complaints/problems).

 

Loki spoke calmly; as if it was no big deal that in Loki’s off-handed advice, Thor found out the key to get done the cases he struggled with _for months_!

 

(Like that scandalous case between Aesir noble families that had no thinkable solution to present but in the end Loki suggested Thor as king could marry one family’s youngest off to another, and that kind of solved the whole case. Thor would never had thought about going that way – but Loki had and was right! Or later when Loki saw through the nerves of upcoming negotiations with traders that were prepared in the last moment, when he brushed Thor’s concerns off and said not to bother. Thor’s silence brought more good than if he was actually participating in negotiations. _Incredible_ , as people later said about his strategy).

 

When Thor wished to hear if Loki had any idea of what he should do with Odin’s decree regarding estranging Asgard from other Realms, Loki only said that he should do as All Father wishes. At Thor’s incredulous stare, Loki only smirked; reminding that old man could not see everything anymore. So Thor could speak with his guests after, whispering that he was doing as king demands, but he himself was not so sure if it was right, that Thor wanted unity, and that it was possible with him on the throne, thus softening the blows Asgard made.

 

If in the past Thor would brush Loki’s help aside as granted, now he knew better. No more being selfish and self-absorbed. Even if Loki denied that he did something truly amazing using his incredible mind and intelligence, Thor would prove him wrong.

 

“I will tell them that it was _your_ idea!” Was Thor’s constant argument after every case gone well with Loki’s help.

 

“No. I don't need that, Thor.” Loki would always say tiredly. 

  
“No, Loki. Credit should be given when it is due. I will let them know.” Thor never backed away. Not in this.

   
“Do what you want, Thor.” Loki always gave up in the end. He just simply couldn’t win against Thor’s onslaught.

 

Thor never could hold his smile at this.

 

-O.O-

 

Thor entered the room and his eyes immediately sought his brother. He found him sitting in a big chair in loose robe with bandages seen under it, hair pulled in a ponytail, watching Asgard’s streets on a balcony but not in the open but hid in the shadows. Loki sat curled up, exhausted. It was a day three of extracting magic. Eir said it would end very soon, what was good news. Thor tried to talk but Loki even if he tried to participate in conversation, was more silent and absent. He just sat and looked in the distance. Thor choose to let his brother be, staying hushed beside him. It was more soothing for Thor anyway. Because if even in this small sanctuary would be stressful and loud as was on political gatherings with council he had no right to skip, Thor would either lose his mind or run from Asgard. And again – how could he leave Loki here? So Thor endured and was thankful for Loki for giving him this blessed temporary peace.

 

Once Loki asked after Volstagg, Fandral and Sif, clearly sure that they would be able to help Thor with a feast that would be tomorrow. Thus greatly surprising Thor. Until now the talk never touched the topic of his comrades. Loki didn’t know that they would not be invited, not in a long time.

 

“How are your friends?” He asked quietly. Seeing where Loki was looking down at the streets, Thor saw a group of boys loudly walking from the training grounds, throwing light punches at each other and laughing. They were all young men, not yet warriors, but clearly eager to become ones. Thor sighed.

 

“You mean Sif and others?”

 

“Who else?”

 

“They are… fine. Healthy.” This reminded him, that he should probably see them soon. He forgot again.

 

“Hm.” Thor looked at his brother.

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“Huh? Oh. I just… wondered what Odin did to them.”

 

“Well, father was… angry with all of us. They were… punished, Loki.”

 

Loki was silent for a time. He didn’t ask what punishments his friends received, what was very polite of him, strangely. Loki didn’t gloat. It was… nice of him.

 

“But not dead, right?” Thor quickly shook his head in denial. If father had killed his friends, Thor would have never forgiven him. Loki nodded. “That is all that matters.”

 

“Do you wish to see them? They asked after you. Surely it would be good to see them again, don’t you think?”

 

“I am in no state to receive visitors, Thor.” Loki deadpanned.

 

“Of course you are. Besides so much time passed.” Thunderer tried to reason.

 

“Oh I’m sure the last time we saw each other compensates it.”

 

Thor cringed, guilt flashing in his eyes, until it was gone. What’s done is done. But at least Thor was pleased with Loki not outright rejecting the thought of his friends’ well beings. Maybe soon Loki would like to see them. Maybe something could be done to build new bridges upon those that burned. Maybe all of them could still make it right.

 

-O.O-

 

Thor handled everything what was expected of him, some things better than the others. His father made him sit and listen to what Asgard in his face would do next, right before he would need to speak with his allies on negotiations. And Thor despised it because Odin made it look like Asgard didn’t need others help nor theirs well wishes. As Thor performed on gathering, he heard whispers that many wrote it off on grief. Only Thor suspected that Odin consciously worsened relationships, wishing to isolate Asgard. Such course of actions was unthinkable in Thor’s mind.

 

Already his father forbid any needless travels via Bifrost aside from most important. Visits to Midgard were out of the question.

 

Speaking was never Thor’s forte. How should he convince his foreign friends to not take Odin’s course as offence, when he himself was not capable of it? But taking Loki’s advice at heart, Thor was able to smooth-talk many diplomats after negotiations, on the feast – while his father was not looking. Somewhere he was successful, people understood his reasoning. Someone was offended, but Thor made sure they were angry with Odin, not with his son.

 

Another ugly accident happened during the feast. Light Elves’ ambassador to all to hear asked after Prince Loki’s health, to what Odin stayed disturbingly silent. Poor elf looked confused but Thor quickly took a word, saying Loki was on his way to full recovery and thanking their ally for his concern. When Vanir princess raised a cup to drink for Prince Loki’s well-being, Odin to the great astonishment and discontent of many present refrained. Thor almost lost his temper, only holding himself when he noticed that his father might have not heard the toast, the blue eye looking in the distance absently. Thor clenched his hands under the table and huskily said that Odin was still mourning the loss of their all so beloved Queen and often became lost in thoughts. Ambassadors relented, but still drunk for Loki, as many at the table. 

 

That was the most interesting of things that happened, after what guests were back at discussing their own business.

 

Now two brothers were sitting late in Loki’s room, Thor recalling everything _not dull_ that happened on the meetings. The incident with Odin would stay with him though. Loki didn’t need to know.

 

And so when there was nothing important for Asgard left to discuss, they were back to meaningless talks and domestic problems, like with how Loki was faced with an expected appearance problem.

 

It was funny to watch Loki stare at his right hand in deep concentration, not even realizing that Thor was at the end of his patience and was ready to burst outright laughing. Loki was being so silly, thinking with all seriousness about the color of his nails. Loki’s right hand after touching Kurse returned to its regular pale tone but strangely enough, Loki’s _nails_ developed very dark almost black coloring. Oh, Loki’s vanity… After everything his little brother got through – _nails_ were what held his most attention. Norns help him.

 

“You know it’s not so bad, Loki.” Thor admitted, but Loki lifted his eyes on him hearing mirth in his words.

 

“I know.” God of Mischief finally put his hand in his lap with a sigh. “I even like it.” He smiled a little.

 

“You do?” Thor asked in disbelief. By the looks of it, Loki was ready to run to the library to find some spell to get rid of unnatural color. He was no maiden to paint her nails.

 

“Yes. Just have to do the same on my other hand.” With a flick of a wrist both Loki’s hands had black nails. Thor had nothing against this, even thinking that this little touch better represented his brother’s personality and showed off his dark appearance and charm.

 

Ready to agree, Thor stopped when Loki suddenly doubled over and suppressed a gasp.  

 

“Are you alright?” Thunderer was near him in a blink.

 

“Fine.” The raven-haired man said, righting himself. Loki may speak as if nothing happened, but Thor could clearly see that his brother was angered but mostly resigned. If such a meaningful trick put a strain on his magic… Thor could not imagine how it must felt like. Excruciating most definitely.

 

Loki’s magic started to return, little by little every day. It was still too low and Loki’s state improved very slowly, accompanied with headaches, dizziness, and overall weakness. But Loki pushed – like right now – making sure magic flew inside him, that _it was there_.

 

So Thor just squeezed Loki’s frail shoulder affectionately going to help him with a drink. Just as he put a goblet near his lips, Loki murmured in his usual scoffing manner opening one of his books at a needed page.

 

“Just you wait how I’ll steal our Lady Sif and torture her every week with sitting down and painting my nails, brother. Odin would not need to invite any harsher punishment.”

 

Servants would not easy forget the thunder like peals of laughter that once came out from always peaceful and quiet Healing Halls late at night.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: Hope you liked it. Thank you for reading! And thank you, krystal_lazuli, for beta'ing!)

 


	7. Mistakes. Part I

A/N: Confess, who imagined Loki wearing a striped robe looking like Adam from OLLA while healing? (Cause I did sometimes) :P

 

Sorry for the wait – I’ve been busy, but I’ve finally came back to ‘Comeback’ and here it is, the next chapter! Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. You are the best.

 

 Krystal_lazuli, thank you again for beta'ing!)

 

Please enjoy!

 

-O.O-

 

~ Chapter 7 ~

 

Mistakes. Part I

 

-O.O-

 

No matter how much people wanted the peace, in after battle times, Asgard was no better than any other lower realm, like say Midgard. Bifrost might be rebuilt but the time spent without it had creatures of various capabilities finding ways to get in places with the help of different artifacts. The rumor that Asgard was slowly coming up from the low was heard in every corner of the universe, which meant that there were still gaps in security, people who were hurt and angry for what had happened to them, unjustly, to help others sneak inside for payment. In turn, it meant opportunities to become the owners of quite a treasure from the famous legendary Vaults of the Eternal Realm. As far as anyone was concerned, the King had lost his grip on ruling, the Crown Prince was always busy, the younger Prince barely alive, and the strongest warriors shamefully banished from court as traitors.

 

Quite a chance, wouldn’t you say?

 

Hushed whispers, under the table deals, cut off conversations if someone would step to hear what should be kept quiet, fear, and uncertainty of common folk. Unrest started to live on the streets of _Asgard_ as well.

 

Back in the palace, Thor scrupulously continued to do what he must. Nonetheless, aside from the reports of mild discontent in Asgard (especially in villages where the all-seeing eye of the king mostly didn’t reach) it was quite a shock when he found out that something dangerous started to stir in Midgard as well, though nothing too severe yet. And he found it out not from Heimdall, mind you, no.

 

 _Loki_ opened his eyes on the problem. It was quite the dialogue between them, because Thunderer at first could not figure out what Loki’s aim here was.

 

:::::

 

Two brothers were having dinner – Thor sat at the near bed, but Loki chose to stay in bed – he said he didn’t wish to move much that day.  Thor then instantly became worried, but Loki, as he frequently did nowadays, cut Thor off before the Thunderer could say a word. Thor often became frustrated until he got it that Loki had no wish to indulge his older brother when he felt simply terrible or the pain got the better of him. Loki said nothing could change the fact that he hurt, so Thor should just drop it. Thor had to agree, even if all his being was against it. Loki was proud, but Thor consoled himself with a thought that very soon Loki would heal completely. They had to wait just a little more.

 

That day Loki was quiet, but his gaze returned to Thor from time to time. The moment the older god looked up, the younger averted it.

 

Finally, Thor’s curiosity about Loki’s peculiar behavior won over his ignorance, and finishing the meal he loudly put a spoon on a plate and bluntly asked what was going on.

 

Loki only bit his lip, not looking up from his own light meal the servants had cooked him – broth, some fruit and also honey – Loki chose honey over everything in his ration, strangely. Eir happily indulged him in this, glad that Loki ate at all.

 

“Thor. I don’t mean to pry, but… What about your… mortals?”

 

“What do you mean?” Thor scowled in confusion and concern. Was _that_ what Loki was troubled about? And why was he even talking about _his_ mortals? Let alone about mortals at all?

 

“I thought… Oh. Everyone knows.” Loki timidly put his dishes on his bedside table, wincing as a turn stretched his muscles. For a moment Thor even forgot to worry.

 

“What does everyone know?”

 

Thor has always hated the fact that he might be ignorant about something apparently _everyone knew_ , when he didn’t. It was a familiar tune with Loki all his life, who even had a special expression on his face exactly for this ‘ _I know something you don’t, idiot._ ’ It was maddening, but Loki always clarified the issue in the end. Eventually.

 

Mostly when Thor was ready to kill him.

 

But right now it made Thor more worried than annoyed. Because something to do with his friends could be dangerous. Not for the first time had humans stuck their noses in something that was much bigger than them.

 

Loki watched Thor warily, trying to find something in his expression, while Thor was becoming more and more anxious. Thoughts bombarded his mind, the each wilder than the previous. Could it be that Loki’s past plans reached his friends now? Or was something entirely different at stake here? Something mortals themselves foolishly called down upon themselves?

 

“You better ask your king…” Loki turned away, his voice suddenly uncertain.

 

“I ask what _you_ know, brother. And you _better_ tell me.”

 

Thor wanted to trust Loki. But with mortals…

 

“Thor, I…” At the Thunderer’s stern look, Loki deflated but his expression didn’t change from its hesitance. “I have only servant’s rumors. They talk sometimes in the back room. I have nothing else to do but listen. And I… thought you’d be interested.”

 

Thor stared at Loki for a long moment, making sure Loki was not deceiving him. But seeing his little brother’s exhausted and haunted expression from all the stress he was under the past days, weeks, _months_ gave Thor pause.

 

Loki appeared to just… share the news with him, perhaps even warn him because Thor Odinsson in all the matters he put a hand in Asgard, could miss something entirely else – like matters going on in Midgard.

 

Loki… _cared_ for Thor. Not about his human friends mayhap, but for Thor’s caring about them. It was…

 

It was nice of him.

 

Thor stilled his temper, slowly exhaling, trying to show Loki that he wasn’t angry or suspicious, but on the contrary – he smiled to relieve the tension and silently apologize to Loki.

 

“Please. Tell me what you heard, Loki.”

 

The younger god blinked slowly, lifting his face to Thor’s and tentatively smiled back. And begun to repeat what rumors flew around the palace. It seemed one of Odin's youngest councilors had randomly heard the conversation between the old king and gatekeeper’s page. Thor asked who exactly, but Loki only shook his head – he didn’t remember because he couldn’t concentrate at the time. Odin seemed to not overly care whatsoever for any news coming from Midgard. But judging from the intensity on the king’s face, as well as displeasure marring page’s voice, it was something obnoxious.

 

Loki then said that Thor shouldn’t concentrate on it – you never know what those mortals could call on themselves. He suggested Thor focus on Asgard and continue his duty to her people. The younger god just wanted Thor to know _the facts_ so he wouldn’t be surprised later, or angry because he didn’t know or was told about it. Just… a little reminder, as Loki said. And if Odin dismissed it, then it was nothing to worry about. Loki then changed the subject, and the older brother was glad to speak of some other simpler matters.

 

Nothing to worry about indeed.

 

Only Thor couldn’t banish a deep worry and dread that appeared in his mind for many days to follow.

 

:::::

  
Since that talk, Thor indeed focused solely on Asgard, as he should. His father ruled still, his politics more harsh and impatient than ever, but tolerable for now. Odin didn’t quite show the signs of wishing to enter the Odinsleep anytime soon, but Thor suspected that it was fairly possible which in turn was putting Thor on edge – sooner or later he would _have_ to replace Odin, indefinitely, whether he wished it or not. Memories of his previous coronation assaulted his mind and although years had passed, Thor was still not sure if he was ready to completely settle down, cut down particularly every tie he had with Midgard, knowing he would not be able to visit being this busy, not to say forget about any kinds of adventures, forsake his mortal friends, his love, and become _the_ King. Become the one who needed to make difficult decisions, sacrifice things for the good of Asgard, be the man above sentiments.

  
If he even wanted to. 

  
The big difference was that he was _alone_ like he never was before on his first coronation and the big part of his reluctance to rule was because of this. People now were not so cheery and happy like that first time, his friends were banished from court, his mother who could help and guide and comfort - gone, his father angry and unavailable and Thor didn’t dare to plead for help if the worse happens and he would be in trouble, and Loki - not the man he was before.

 

Thor wouldn't lie to himself, he was still wary of Loki, still hesitant to leave the past rest, but he made the choice. He made the choice to trust. At first a little, for Loki was clearly too closed off himself, just as watchful and careful about everything Thor did regarding him - be that a selfless try at providing comfort or a harsh yell here and there (or sometimes at Loki as well) when Thor couldn’t keep his temper. Loki was quiet and passive, but he was considerate and scheming. However, try as he might, Thor considered all of Loki's thinking as an invaluable assistance to improve Asgard as well as help Thor manage his duty. Not for the first time on many occasions, Thor has mentioned Loki's involvement in fixing many cases in the court of Asgard. People accepted it nicely.

 

(The look in Loki's eyes when Thor revealed this information was so worth it). 

  
Not to say what emotional and psychological help Loki provided Thor - consciously or just being there.   


(Alive).

 

-O.O-

  
Not surprising that Thor would finally have to absentee himself from the secure walls of royal palace as well as from Loki’s side. Odin wanted to hear _nothing_ of Thor’s continuous refusing to leave the city for the sake of his heir’s comfort and pride. No more, the King said. Thor was leaving to the villages and yes, he _would_ leave without the fuss. Thor was displeased but resigned – people living in the far reaches of Asgard needed his help and presence just as much as those in the city did. Besides, he in fact stayed home _mostly_ because of Loki... No, it was the only reason. On the bright side, Thor asked his father to grant permission to take the remaining Warriors from the Three and Sif with him, and Odin begrudgingly allowed it.

 

Loki assured him that with his two guards and the fortress full of Einherjar he was safe and that Thor shouldn’t worry. At Thor’s hesitance, Loki coldly reminded him that he was still technically a prisoner (for the lack of knowing better) and if Thor was afraid that Loki would do something, he was still too weak _so_ … To which the whole Healing Wing heard the Crown Prince’s angry growling at Loki’s foolish presumptions.

 

All in all Thor gave Loki’s guards strict instructions to keep others out from Loki’s rooms and keep Loki safe, protecting their prince to their deaths. Royal guards dutifully repeated their vows.

 

Speaking of his friends, Sif and Fandral were excited to leave on adventure with Thor as they had asked of him repeatedly. Volstagg was glad, but respectfully refused to leave the city – after all, he had family here, and since losing his position his wife was very cross with the big warrior leaving and endangering his life when his children risked becoming fatherless. No reasoning could sway Volstagg’s wife so he had to stay at home – if not nearly but at least in the city. Thor had only laughed and heartily patted his friend’s back at his misfortune, and left, glad that one trusted man was there to keep an eye on Loki. Volstagg said that he would visit occasionally, though he was not sure Loki would be pleased.

 

-O.O-

 

Later when Thor would think about it, he would realize that he _should_ have known. It was truly predictable that something would happen the second he left the city and took many good warriors with him.

 

He shouldn’t have left Loki alone.

 

-O.O-

 

It was early evening when Beil found himself in a light banter with his royal charge. The young guard suspected that the second prince of Asgard has not lately had company to talk to – that with being put in a cell (reasons for such a harsh treatment were still unknown to him, and by the king himself – it must have been something drastic, but surely saving Asgard was worth some small indulgence, right?) but it didn’t stop Beil from sharing some facts of his life with Loki, just like before. It was amazing how familiar it felt now, after years of not seeing each other. Even if they were not friends, it was still pleasant to be politely inquired about his health, his life goals, his family. Loki wasn’t invading. Loki was mostly passive seeing as he has just woke up and asked Beil to help him walk to his chair near the windows. From then on the two young men found themselves in an easy conversation.

 

It continued for quite some time until suddenly Loki cut himself off halfway through a word. His eyes grew distant before he snapped out of it and muttered something under his breath, looking without blinking at the closed door of his chamber.

 

 Finally he turned back to look at Einherjar, who also stopped talking seeing Loki distracted.

 

“Pardon me, but I feel… Beil, could you- could you please go check on the door?”

 

The guard straightened in his seat and quickly heightened his senses but heard nothing that could bring the other man such abrupt distress. Everything was silent.

 

“Why? Milord?”

 

Loki mildly shook his head but stubbornly returned his gaze to the door.

 

“I may not be entirely healed yet but my magic… I feel something is wrong.”

 

Beil hesitated a moment, but then stood and walked to the entrance, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Beil still heard nothing from the other side of the door, but as soon as he stood right before it, he felt it – the typical vibrations some special magic device (often illegally purchased at a high price from banished or criminal magic users) used on all kinds of entrances to fool those inside the chambers silencing any sound. A true sorcerer never needed such measures nor could others detect them, but to those without magic it was completely different. Guards were taught specifically to recognize the workings of such tools in the academies so that royal protectors would be able to reveal their presence and prevent anyone using such sorcerer’s trick to quietly sneak around without people realizing it. Any men or women with no drop of magic in them would not be able to feel anything – but a mage would know. Like Loki did right now.

 

Beil realized his foolishness at being distracted and away from his post, assured that no danger lurked around. And why should it? They have only just defeated the Dark Elves!

 

The loud trump made him immediately throw the door open and with a startled gasp grasp, he realized the consequences of his mistake.

 

The sound came from the body hitting the floor - his shield brother was laying on the ground, weaponless, overpowered by a number of… creatures. There were _so many_ , in size and shape, running and sneaking in the halls, mostly acting like vandals. Marauders, all of them.

 

Where did they come from? Why now? What did they want? Did they attack everyone they saw on their way just to catch Asgard off guard in its _lowest_?

 

Or… as a distraction?

 

Why _here_ …

 

The Vault!

 

Before these thoughts and conclusions flashed through his mind, Commander Beil Belioffson alongside his shield brothers was attacking those dishonorable ugly curs that dared to come in these golden halls to bring destruction and havoc.

 

-O.O-

 

He wasn’t prepared for such drastic changes in his day to day routine, less so that his precious heavenly food would get overthrown by the dozens of running Einherjar. In no time it got him on his feet in alarm.

 

His day was going mildly, the young lads he fought with bare hands in secret from palace’s watchers left him giddy with joy, because there was nothing better (aside from a good meal) than beat thy opponent and hear him cry ‘ _Yield_!’

 

The loud cries accompanied by whispers that there was an ambush in the palace; the enemies getting into the Vaults was heard in the crowd. Against restrictions laid onto Volstagg the Valiant by Odin himself, he chose to quickly join the forces to protect the place. He had no weapon, but it wouldn’t be a problem as eventually someone would lose theirs.

 

(And who knew maybe his bravery and honorable actions would get him closer to the life he had left behind fighting for his friend Thor).

 

 _Thor!_ Volstagg almost tripped from the realization of the vow the Thunderer asked him to make. _Loki_ was there, near the Vaults – mostly bedridden and weak as a kitten, with no weapon or proper protection in the face of this sudden dishonorable attack. Thor would have his head if something happened to the Trickster. He should hurry up!

 

-O.O-

 

It was good to know that others were not caught completely unaware. In the length of the Hall at least six guards – seven with him – were engaged in fighting marauders. Of course, it was not so good looking as there were at least five times more of Aesir opponents.

 

Already having killed a number of foes, Beil was on his way to kill another when one of his comrades ran beside him and shouted the news that General Tyr and his men have already put an end to the skirmish in the Vaults, that the doors to the treasures weren’t even breached. Beil smiled in satisfaction, cheering mentally for his fellow warriors while fighting his current enemy – a heavy armored seven foot tall monster wearing a white painted helmet complete with two sharp tusks. This one was hard to overpower – that with the ax the length of his owner.

 

The announcement was met with angry growls all around from Asgard's current enemies – and rightfully so. It was excellent the Vaults were protected, but as it was, it caused one dire effect.

 

Rage borne strength.

 

Striking and blocking the blows of the now _three_ foes at the same time, Beil caught himself on the thought that at least one adversary from the three was putting on quite a challenge. It seemed with Thor gone, the enemies waited mere hours to attack. They wanted to win by sheer numbers without much skill. But as Beil’s fight was progressing, some criminals appeared to be not less skilled, but on the contrary – they fought like warriors.

 

In the corner of his eye, a young Einherjar saw the men of Asgard’s army as well as from his own squad trying to withhold the attacking force and push thy enemies away from the palace. It was progressing slowly because of the great difference of numbers but at least the enemies were pushed away from the Vault. They must have hid themselves somewhere in the rooms and then used technologies (maybe even found after the Dark Elves in ruins) to breach the premises and attack in one big wave.

 

 _Drat!_ Beil thought frantically as he felt his back collide with the hard stone as he was strongly pushed into the wall by someone running from the corner. _How did I not see him?_ While raising his head, only sharply trained reflexes saved him from being stabbed. Beil couldn’t catch his breath after the shock of the close call with death, when another missed blow flew into his head. Stars exploded in his vision, and before he knew he was beaten mercilessly in the face, chest and stomach by massive fists. That unrelenting assault continued until he was hauled on his feet and the ax handle was pushed under his chin and _pressed_.

 

Beil, absolutely bewildered, helplessly rasped a weak cry, feeling his neck crushing – he couldn’t breathe already, it was impossible. Black dots appeared in his eyes – it seemed the ugly smirk of the monster would be the last thing he would see.

 

_Is this it then? The end?_

 

On the verge of death, Beil saw a flicker of something green and before he could surrender to Valhalla’s call, he was released from his death trap and fell on his knees, wheezing. Lifting his head as if it weighted a ton, Beil saw his prince – _his savior_ – shoving the small dagger further into the criminal’s back, after then swiftly grabbing the monster by the chin from behind and slitting its throat.

 

Beil stared dazed as Prince Loki lightly whirled on his feet to parry the enemy’s sword with his little weapon, sidestepping the bulky man and quickly ending him. In a couple of moves, Loki cleared the place around the fallen guard for the time being, disposing of immediate danger. Then he turned to him.

 

Loki looked at Beil from above his crouching position with something unreadable in his eyes but soon he reached to give Beil a hand to help him stand. Beil grasped the prince’s arm – thin and shaking but the hold was strong. Loki pulled Beil on his feet, and clasped his shoulder, wincing a little when giving his guard back the sword he lifted off the floor. Beil took it automatically ready to fight again, back to back with the Prince of Asgard… when suddenly he paused.

 

The magnitude of what was going on and who exactly was standing beside him befell on Beil, making his heart squeeze in distress. He quickly rounded on Loki who was attentively looking for a new target. Beil saw how excellent and fearlessly Loki fought but he was still _dangerously_ weak, only moments ago roused from his bed; his arms struggled holding a tiny knife against the force attacking him.

 

“Please, Prince Loki! Stay back!” Einherjar cried, trying to lead Loki back to safety. Loki couldn’t be here. Beil would better die himself than let Loki come to danger, and not after his prince just saved his life.

 

“I can’t just sit entrapped there!” Loki snapped. “Not only can they corner me there but I can help-“

 

“Please, no, milord! Stay inside!” The guard hit the current marauder in the face, still trying to push Loki back to the doors. They were only five feet away!

 

“I refuse!” Loki hissed.

 

“Look out!” The shrill cry of Beil’s comrades rang in the hall. Both men turned simultaneously and immediately ducked as a shower of gun shots sprayed around them.

 

Two young men looked up to see the second line of enemies changing the first. Beil pressed Loki to the ground covering his head as the wall behind them exploded after the second wave of blasts. Their foes were ready to shoot for the third time, when something unexpected happened.

 

Loki smoothly slid from under Beil and using his still recovering magic created a magical singularity that with a great force blasted the criminals who were ready to fire away. It gave them an enormous advantage for Aesir warriors who cheered and were quick to get back in a fight, their victory closer and closer. But at the same time Loki powerlessly fell on his knee bowing his head, the strain visible in his shaking hands and ragged breathing. Beil saw how the Prince gritted his teeth in determination and in one graceful move raised right back on his feet. Beil sliced through the pink two horned beast and met his eyes with Loki's. The ruffled prince's eyes sparkled at their small victory, a tiny smirk playing on thin lips. Beil also smiled, straightening himself before his Prince - after all, it was Asgard, warriors proud to fight their enemies to death. Beil was glad to fulfill his duty for his betters, without failing or embarrassing himself.   


Enemy ranks were thinned considerably; many ran away for their lives when it became clear the skirmish failed, even with such a huge difference in the number of fighters. Asgard’s army was strong and brave and no one would ever defeat it. 

 

Beil watched as the last of foes were being taken care of, the hall almost free from them. The maddest ones were still going berserk but then it was easier to attack at once, so the Einherjar gathered to beat them together.

 

Just before Beil was sure that the road was free and he could take Loki back to the safety of the healing rooms, there was a high screech and another marauder appeared just from around the corner, heavy ax high in his hands. The huge ogre pushed two guards aside who tried to stop him, whirling his ax in a circle, all the while growling like a madman. Two Einherjar were hit one in the head, another in the ribs. The other guard who crossed his way was stricken hard in the neck, immediately lifeless on the floor. Beil saw the monster over Loki’s shoulder and realized that it would collide with him and Loki in less than two seconds.

 

He was too late to shout a warning.

 

Like in a slow motion, Beil watched how Prince Loki's brows furrowed in confusion seeing his guard freeze, how predictably he turned to see the cause of Beil's wide eyes and opened mouth. The young Aesir couldn't fight a scream of fright and _rage_ seeing the enemy colliding with them, striking Loki right in the chest, exactly where the wound that put him in the healing hall in the first place was.

 

_It dared…_

 

Beil exhaled. Leaning away from the ax, he avoided the monster and stepped behind it. In the corner of his eye, he saw Loki fall like a stone, landing painfully on his back, body instantly arching in agony. There was no sound aside from a short ragged cry but then it seemed the air was cut and Loki could only scream silently, eyes rolling back in his head. Beil's mind registered that information only secondly, because now he has just brutally beheaded from behind the bastard who dared to harm the Prince of Asgard. 

  
Wasting a moment to appreciate how blood leisurely stained the golden floor, Beil then rushed to where Loki was on the ground, lying still and silent. Falling on his knees beside Loki Beil carefully put a hand under black haired head and even as he saw that Loki's eyes were open he still checked the pulse. Too high. Loki must have gone into shock. 

 

Trying to not go into shock himself, Beil leaned to Loki’s face and murmured.

  
"It's alright, my Lord. It is over. We won." He spoke soothingly. Regret marred his voice. "You are- you ARE going to be fine. Please forgive me but I have to lift you." With this, he did just that in one motion, trying to shake Loki as little as possible, holding him close to his body. In no time Beil finally moved back to the chambers and carefully positioned the wounded man on the bed. Hel, it had been almost over and then _this_ … How unfair!

 

Loki had coughed twice as his body seized and then he lost consciousness. Beil helplessly watched the aborted movement of the delicate hand moving to the swollen rapidly staining with blood chest before it limply fell on the bed. Giving the last glance on the figure of the one who while injured did so much to help protect Asgard, help _him_ specifically, Beil quickly ran to find the healers, cursing all the way.

 

 _Unfair_.

 

-O.O-

 

Rounding the corner, Volstagg gasped.

 

Valhalla above! But he _was_ late!

 

Fighting the scum, he was stopped before he could reach Loki’s room and had to fight thus only left observing from afar – and what he saw surprised him but soon made him very angry.

 

Loki, face smeared with the drops of someone’s blood, body hugged only by the thinnest of material without any hint at armor or shield, with a tiny childish knife was killing one of the monstrosities strangling his watch guard. Loki, standing in the middle of the battle, surrounded from all sides, fighting. Then guns fired. Volstagg should invite the lad who covered the Trickster on the ground to the inn. Maybe even share some food with him-

 

 _Disgusting creatures!_ Why could they not just run away with their tails between their legs? Why should they attack him? Well, now he would show them the valor of Volstagg the Valiant!

 

But his hit missed, strangely – because… his enemy just flew away from him? Oh! Loki pushed the scum by his seidr! Good move. Maybe Thor’s brother had some aces down his sleeves still. But wasn’t he a little weak for such a trick? _Young idiot, look how you doubled in on yourself!_

 

But as he got distracted, merrily exchanging the blows with some little imp, Volstagg missed the real danger that tore down upon everyone in its path. Pushing away the imp with one mighty blow in the nose, Volstagg ran after the monster – it was just for his tastes to beat it!

 

Only it appeared he was too late. And everything happened too fast.

 

Lads lying insensibly after being hit, Loki not being fast enough to step away and falling like the dead after being hit ( _Ouch!)_ in the chest, Loki’s guard beautifully killing the monster. Looking how Loki was lifted from the floor, limp and frail, Volstagg yelled in frustration, dropping his weapon away.

 

_Damnation! Thor would beat him senseless for this!_

 

Volstagg hurried to see to Loki as he noticed healers rushing into Jotun’s chambers – it must be bad. _By Hel!_ Though before he could enter infirmary, the giant warrior found himself roughly pushed back by two Einherjar who materialized as if from thin air, and took him by the arms from behind, growling at him to stand back and get lost, before he too would be arrested for roaming where he shouldn’t.

 

Before anything could escalate into a memorable brawl with a lot of cursing, Volstagg was saved by Loki’s personal guard, Belioffson, who took the lead and stopped the scandal.

 

“I have to know how he is!” Volstagg roared. _Thor_ had to know how Loki was, was more accurate.

 

“Prince Loki is…” Beil shook his head in regret. “He is going to be fine.”

 

“But what happened?”

 

“He saved my life.” The guard said simply with a little proud smile, albeit a little embarrassed. He then waved for the warrior to leave, to the great disappointment of the biggest from the once Warriors Three.

 

Being kicked away quite rudely, not allowed anything to see, even the crown of the head of Loki, Volstagg with a heavy heart left to the coop. Thor had to know about this.

 

-O.O-

 

It took hours to ride back in the palace, rushing the poor horses to exhaustion. When he got the message from one of the Royal Ravens, where Volstagg curtly described what happened and that Loki was somehow engaged – _hurt again!_ – Thor felt his mind reel.

 

It has become too repetitive as of late – not being there for Loki when his little brother needed him. Thor had to know Loki was fine.

 

Loki _was_ fine. Volstagg would have hinted if the worse had happened.

 

But by Odin! Thor shouldn’t have left.

 

-O.O-

 

After three hours of relentless run (his men, Sif and Fandral would come tomorrow), Thor had finally arrived in the palace and instantly moved toward the Healing Hall, not minding anyone who tried to get his attention or talk to him. There was blood on the floor, servants having no time to wash it all. Guards marching around. Reconstruction going underway. The same picture all over again since Dark Elves attacked.

 

Thor didn’t stop at the doors to knock but pushed them open right away, thus startling two girls making them lose the vials from their hands, glass slipping and breaking on the floor. Looking at everyone, Thor noticed how many eyes of the present people were haunted and wary, most probably because of renewed fear. But seeing the Crown Prince back in the palace calmed them, albeit not overly cheered. Thor hadn’t noticed.

 

Blue eyes finally found what they were anxiously looking for. Eir stood leaning above Loki – he seemed well, thank the Norns - whispering in his ear to which Loki nodded a little in agreement. When Loki turned at the noise and saw Thor standing at the entrance, he sighed. Thor couldn’t be gladder for the tiny crooked smile thrown his way, showing Thor that Loki was relieved to see him.

 

Thor walked closer to the bed, the young healers running away to busy themselves, which left Loki, Thor, Eir and her assistant Leda in the room. Eir bowed to Thor, but quickly returned her attention to the bedridden Prince.

 

“How do you feel, Loki?” Thor asked in worry. Loki grunted.

  
“Oh, splendid.”

 

Lady Eir huffed in exasperation. Thor sighed, knowing how difficult Loki could be. But he was serious!

 

“I am serious!” Loki blinked unconcerned.

 

“Nothing too drastic aside from yet another color my skin got – violet this time, so I am fin-“ Eir leaned to Thor, cutting Loki’s insincere tirade. 

 

“He got hit in the chest, my Prince! The blow was strong but Prince Loki was treated quickly and so the consequences are not as dire as they could have been.” Here she returned to look at Loki who only lifted his brows. “Still, no getting up from the bed for a couple of days and NO MAGIC, you foolish boy! Strain you put yourself in could have _ended_ you! What were you thinking?”

 

 _“What?!”_ Thor gasped. Loki used magic? Why would he harm himself so?!

 

“I don’t know.” Loki sniffed exasperated. “Maybe I didn’t want myself and others to get shot in the head? _Really_ , what was I even thinking?” As soon as Loki finished, Eir shouted like a worrying mother hen.

 

“Don’t you talk to me like that, young man! Your safety for me is forefront-“

 

“Well, for me it isn’t.”

 

“Foolish boy!-“

 

“Yes, you repeat yourself, dear Eir.” Eir’s assistant Leda noiselessly laughed in her hand as she gathered medical equipment and quietly left the room. Thor stepped between two bickering people before the whole situation would escalate into a fight, because Loki was capable to vex Eir like no one else, but Eir was just as stubborn.

 

“Loki, enough! Eir only cares for you-”

 

“Thank you, Eir.” Loki smiled sweetly. His smile was false, meant to be deceiving, but his eyes were sparkling in genuine gratefulness. Loki was truly thankful to the Head Healer. But Thor noticed that Loki was not as well as he wanted others to think, judging from the sweat glistering on his forehead, from the tightness around his eyes, from the weakness in his limbs. Eir must have seen it too, because she closed her eyes for a moment and sighed.

 

“Oh, just lay still and sleep, Loki. _Please_.”

 

“… Right.” Loki said quietly after a pause, amusement gone, averting his eyes from Eir’s pleading ones.

 

On her way out after she checked everything, when Thor wanted to comfort the distressed healer, Eir surprised him by smiling and winking at him. Thor was able to keep his expression neutral and not laughing at the tricks of that amazing woman. Oh, but Eir manipulated Loki! Good. It meant Loki was in good hands.

 

His mirth disappeared when the brothers were left alone. Sitting at the foot of the bed, habitually laying a hand on Loki’s knee, Thunderer took some time to think of what to say. Loki was dutifully trying to rest, eyes on the ceiling, his hands hovering over his ribs. Thor decided to start from afar.

 

“Why do you think they attacked?” Loki shrugged.

 

“There are many who don’t like Asgard. Opportunity presented itself, I think.” Thor nodded absentmindedly. With recent actions – Odin’s mostly - too many realms didn’t like Asgard. Even people within Asgard herself. Loki hummed in thought.

 

“I heard Volstagg wanted to worm his way here?” At Thor’s nod, Loki rolled his eyes. “I am glad he was not allowed then.”

 

“Why not? I ordered him to protect you-“

 

“Then he did a marvelous job… seeing as I am back at stage one.”

 

Thor thinned his lips at the familiar phrase he had once heard Loki say. But this time he couldn’t be angry at him. Yes, Volstagg failed him, but he was not the one at fault. Loki too was a fool to come out from safety, to hurt himself using magic, least of all fight someone much stronger than him in his current recovering state.

 

Thor smiled a little. _But a brave and fearless fool, still loyal to Asgard._

 

(Because Thor had thought about another thing, while raiding here. From the look of it, for Loki it was a perfect opportunity to run, disappear from any possible consequences Odin could have put on him in the future – his father couldn’t ignore Loki forever, could he? But Loki stayed and fought for his home, protecting the palace, saving lives. Loki could have run. But he didn’t. That was what mattered.)

 

“I am sorry I left, Loki. I-“

 

“Please, Thor. Stop it. You had every right to leave. You _had_ to leave. It is no… no fault of yours.” Loki said. Thor protested though.

 

“But was I here-“

 

“Nothing would have changed. So stop. It is not the last time you would be away. So stop thinking about it.” But Thor just couldn’t stop. He was angry at the whole situation. What he wanted to say was long in coming. 

 

“If father didn’t send me away, Asgard wouldn’t have been attacked! He can’t protect it without me! But what if I had to leave? To Midgard maybe? What then? Why doesn’t he _do_ anything like he should instead of punishing me?”

 

Loki hummed, disinterested in Thor’s yelling. Sighing, he closed his eyes.

 

“He means to have you here, because he fears you will leave. Thus he would lose the picture of the strong realm, with its golden champion – you – because Asgard would look weak without you. And All Father couldn’t let other realms look even a little close to the might and beauty of the Eternal Realm. This arrogance would be his undoing. How could he… not understand that not standing equal without diminishing one’s potential is only making matters worse…?” Thor listened with a slightly opened mouth, surprised Loki spoke about Odin. “Already Midgard is strong in some fields, Elves’ technologies thrive greater than Aesir swords… Dwarf’s armor is what keeps Aesir safe and you don’t even appreciate it. Odin can’t have it all… so he gets to sit you on the throne and keep you there with his lessons and his wisdom and _his_ course _you_ would have to bring to life…” The more Loki talked, the fainter his voice was becoming. “You… won’t be Thor, King of Asgard. You will be the Son of Odin King of Asgard. No will, no freedom to make a choice for yourself… You won’t be…” Loki trailed uncertainly before slowly turning on his side, away from Thor. Thunderer, a little struck by Loki’s last words, lightly touched his shoulder.

 

“Loki?” The younger god was silent for a while, lying under the warm blanket, frozen.

 

“I wish mother was here… _I need her_.” He whispered at last.

 

Pain of loss hit Thor suddenly and with a great force. The wound in his heart – fastened and barely healed - got ripped open over again with Loki’s quiet lost pray. He too wanted to curl under the furs, to bury himself and sleep, but he needed to be strong for his little brother.

 

“I know. I need her too.”

 

Thor knew he had to go soon, there were too many matters to attend even if he was not called back but came without warning. He had to talk to father’s council, try to make some steps to straighten this place, had to… His head was too full of thoughts, emotions, and worries as to try to sort them all out.

 

“Brother?” Thor touched a thin shoulder. Loki stirred with a whine.

 

“Hm… What? I’m tired, Thor. I got punched in the chest... It hurts.”

 

Thor leaned away sheepish, watching as Loki struggled with staying conscious. Of course, Loki needed to sleep and Thor would leave him alone.

 

But… No. He had to know. Razor sharp words still rang in his head. About father, about his possible fate, the future he didn’t want. Was it really what Loki thought?

 

Or was Loki deceiving him for one of his schemes?

 

Thor didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to doubt, but with Loki you were never sure. Not as of late.

 

“Were you being serious?” Thor asked directly. Loki buried himself deeper in the bedding. Loki’s question sounded muffled whom under it. 

 

“’bout what?”

 

“Your words – did you mean them?” Loki tiredly resurfaced to look at Thor with the expression resembling great suffering.

 

“What… what were we… what did I say? I don’t… _Thor_ -“ Loki suddenly curled in on himself.

 

“What is it? Loki?” Thor was immediately on his feet, carefully putting a hand on Loki’s head.

 

“When would it stop hurting…?”

 

Thor didn’t know to what exactly Loki referred to. It could be anything.

 

It could be his wound (almost healed to be reopened yet again), it could be the damage of the still open wound in his soul, after revealing his heritage, the bitterness for his fate after all the mistakes made in anger; no doubt it could be the hurt of being completely ignored and disregarded in their father’s eyes (how Loki endured it in silence would always astonish Thor) or at last it could be the endless pain of their mother’s loss. It could be anything.

 

_(Returning to Loki’s tirade, Thor gathered that that had to be what Loki unconsciously thought about him and Odin and Asgard’s future… That appeared to be what Loki believed in. Until now what Loki had said regarding Thor’s rule was a little too close to being accurate and realistic… Could it really become Thor’s future?...)_

 

Thor walked away from the Healing Halls with a heavy heart. People were panicking again, which was exhausting to take care of. Thor was needed in the dungeons to secure and interrogate prisoners to find out what was it they wanted and who was the instigator. He should write an excusing letter for the families he didn’t have time to visit in the villages. He needed to speak further to Eir about Loki’s health. He needed to sort his life out.

 

Thor sighed and walked.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: My apologies for the imagined layout of the royal palace and that I made the Vault being situated near the Healing Wings.


	8. Mistakes Part II

A/N: Too long, but it is like the chapter that engulfs like… everything. I am sorry for taking so long, but I had to think of nuances that would show things I wanted to point out. So here we go! Part II.

 

Many thanks to krystal lazuli for fixing my mistakes.

 

Please enjoy!

 

-O.O-

 

~ Chapter 8 ~

 

Mistakes. Part II

 

-O.O-

 

Since returning home, Thor wanted to find a moment to eat something or at least take a bath to remove the dust from the road, but his plans were doomed from the beginning. As soon as Thor left Loki to his rest making sure that there was no more danger for his brother’s safety, Odin’s page as if by magic appeared before him with a message that the King awaited him in the throne room.

 

To say that Thor Odinsson was displeased was to say nothing. For a prolonged time now he started to feel suffocated even when he was doing nothing at all – always catching himself on a thought that someone would surely come to him to demand something. Thor was always glad to help if the situation called for it, the people glad in return, but now… Odin’s shadow was following him, it was as if his father was standing right behind his shoulder when the Aesir talked to him – thus instead of gratitude and warmth citizens watched him with wariness and doubt. It pissed Thor off, cursing his father’s complete nescience about what he was doing with his life and ruling. Odin neglected the state of the palace, leaving it to go on its own, he ignored citizens’ pleas to hurry up, he wasn’t interested in recompense leaving it _for later_. Bifrost was closed! No one from the other realms could enter on business, it was utter madness.

 

But to Hel with ruling - not once did the All Father turned to his heir for advice, not once did he call for him to spend some evening together (not to say how glad he and Loki would have been if Odin visited them in the Healing Rooms _for once_ ). Thor kept hoping that something would change in their family dynamics. But as weeks passed and nothing changed, the future king became more and more frustrated and resigned.

 

His brother weak and fragile, his father spiteful and prideful, his people suspicious and cold, his friends estranged and bitter, his love too far away, his mortal friends perhaps in danger and also too far away…

 

_Damn it all!_

 

Ah, yes. He had to go at Odin’s summon.

 

Waiting to be called in the throne room, Thor had no choice but to talk to the council that also gathered outside, as the high born men tried to whisper in his ear what he should do, how to better speak to his Lord Father regarding some of the standing matters. Thor listened only by half paying attention because inwardly he was mildly repulsed by their veiled speeches and by them as well – was he really to spend the eternity trying to reason with these weasels and ass-kissers by his side? It would be terrible. The only man Thor wished to see by his side was Loki, not these… Loki might be the Silver-tongued god, but only to those he needed something from or vice versa. To Thor Loki spoke bluntly what to do most of the time, sometimes yelling so it would reach Thor’s stubborn mind, first penetrating his thick skull.

 

Besides, Loki could always see through these people, shut them up and make them happy, desperate or angry; Loki knew how to work with them. Thor didn’t. He knew only an honest way.

 

And because of it Thor Odinsson didn’t know where he stood in all of this.

 

-O.O-

 

“I demand to know what has happened!”

 

People who were standing close to the throne couldn’t suppress a flinch at the All Father’s yell. The much older men didn’t bat an eye, even if light shivers ran down their backs. Odin’s volatile behavior was new compared to the calm and cold one the king had for nearly five thousand years - the loss of Frigga had made Odin hopping mad.

 

“My liege, numerous groups of criminals have entered the palace’s grounds under the aim of robbing the Vaults. The skirmish was…“ - The Commander of General Tyr’s Royal Einherjar was standing in front of the throne, reporting to the King, but even he was not expecting such rage thrown at him from the All Father. Thor saw how man’s hands clenched in fists on his sides to hide how nervous the Commander was when the King roared not letting him finish.  

 

“Who is responsible? I demand a name!” General Tyr, Odin’s military chief took a step behind his subordinate and spoke for him.

 

“My king. The prisoners were not yet interrogated but _are_ in the process of-“

 

“Immediately bring him here! For execution. With others I would think how best to punish before I execute them as well.” With that Odin leaned back on his throne.

 

Thor watched from the back of the room, quiet and appalled. Numbly he saw as the council first looked at Odin, uncomfortable, but then all nodded slowly. Thor closed his eyes. Those were the laws of Asgard – the King’s word. Thor realized that it would be like that, but after his time on Midgard he knew better than to simply wipe his hands off the trouble and forget about it. It was too simple to kill the criminals. More harder was to understand their reasons and maybe find something relevant in them so the situation wouldn’t be repeated in the future. (And many people could have been goaded into attack).

 

After the short pause a young Einherjar walked in the front and kneeled before the throne, putting a hand on his heart. His golden cape was smeared in blood. He was present at the battle near the Healing Halls. As the warrior was back on his feet, Odin barked impatiently.

 

“Talk, boy.”

 

“The battalion of Einherjar stopped the fight, fighting bravely. General Tyr and his men didn’t let marauders invade the Vaults. The coordinated work of Royal Einherjar as well as the help of Prince Loki blasting the active leaders of-“

 

“What did you say?” Odin suddenly pushed forward on his throne, scoffing. His eye was calculating.

 

Thor at his place instantly straightened hearing the threatening tone in his father’s voice. _Why? What now? Loki helped protect their home!_

 

“My king?” The warrior asked hesitantly. Odin scowled.

 

“Loki… participated in the fight?” He asked calmly. Too calmly. The nameless Einherjar nodded, eyes shining in minute joy, before becoming serious once again.

 

“Yes, my king. By his help were saved the lives-“, Once again the young man was interrupted.

 

“So he left the confines of his room.” Odin stated thoroughly. The poor guard swallowed.

 

“… Yes. The situation called for-“

 

“Tell me what spell he used.” Odin ordered. The warrior’s shoulders tensed impossibly.

 

“I… Pardon me for the lack of knowledge in the arts of seidr, milord. I heard only that the magic blast had successfully pushed the dangerous group of criminals that were firing from the unusual guns away, stunning them. Prince Loki-“ The King lifted his arm, calling for immediate silence.

 

“Enough. Who is in charge of him?” The King asked, calling for his adviser to come to him.

 

“Beil Belioffson, milord.”

 

“I see… I order his arrest.” Odin declared tiredly.

 

Outcries were heard across the room, people were shocked by Odin’s decree. How? Why? To arrest the son of Asgard for defending it? It was too much!

 

“Father!” Thor rushed in front of everyone, knowing he was breaking the rules and protocol, but he simply couldn’t let the matter be. Odin narrowed his eye in displeasure at his son’s antics.

 

“Silence! That is my wish. Who dares to doubt my will would follow that incompetent guard in prison.” Thor shook his head in disbelief, not minding the whispers that told him to calm down.

 

“Loki wanted to help! He got hurt protecting Beil!” Odin All Father waved his hand dismissively.

 

“No, he just showed me his lying self once more. I see perfectly clear now. Next matter.”

 

As Odin’s council stepped forth to bring their own problems before the king’s eye, Thor realized he had no strength to protect Loki today. He was so tired. Later he would speak about what truly happened – but… why _should_ he? People knew everything themselves, saw it by their own eyes! Odin didn’t need to do this. And about Loki’s guard – Thor would make sure he would be free. Loki was very fond of him. Regardless of how wrongly Thor behaved towards the guard in the past, the Crown Prince has often noticed the friendship that was on its way of developing between Loki and Beil.

 

And his father ruins Loki’s life once again. Why?

 

Just because.

 

-O.O-

 

If anyone was surprised to see Odin All Father walking in the direction of the Healing Rooms – no one showed it. If anyone would say they weren’t intrigued by upcoming news of the old king finally finding time to see to his recovering son – they were blatantly lying.

 

Because that was what was happening. King Odin cancelled his latest meeting for the wish to visit the prisoner. Mind you, the gathered council heard - not his son, not the prince. Prisoner. Even Odin’s oldest friends raised unimpressed brows at such declaration. Loki may be a nuisance to deal with most of the time, but after hearing their wives and daughters gossip about him, all those details about boy’s painful recovery somewhat smoothed the impression about the mischief prince, as well as put their minds to rest knowing that after such an ordeal the second Odinsson apparently had lost his cutting edge. The young healers had even spilled (in secret of course) about the Prince Loki’s open grief for his mother the Queen, that he still mourned her loss. Even without any love or likeness to the young dark prince, the Council was begrudgingly appreciative for Loki’s help in the events of the attack at their home. Many who called him a traitor had to swallow their words or at least whisper it to those who still believed them. Not so many of those left, though. Most of the people just accepted Loki’s sacrifice and moved on. Most admired his strength of will to overcome death and come out the winner. There were those who didn’t care at all, because it was not their business. And only a little amount of Aesir still kept animosity against Loki Odinsson.

 

One of them apparently – Loki’s own father.

 

So yes. Loki may be a nuisance but he was a familiar nuisance. Looked at from his young age to the man he had become now. And to hear the king treated his family in such a way was obnoxious.

 

_Everyone was aware of what was going on in the palace. So clearly they could see…_

 

First Thor. Now Loki. It was no news that Odin All Father ignored his second son, but if before it put sneers on people’s faces, seeing the Trickster put down, now… it caused them to furrow their brows in disapproval. After everything that had happened in the last couple of years to the boy: Prince Loki’s presumed death, strange imprisonment, the Queen’s murder and now Prince Loki’s many sacrifices –for his brother and for Asgard at a whole… So why did Odin continue to do this to his son?

 

The hastily brought up news about the attack of marauders astonished everyone present in the War Room. Odin called for Tyr to stop the massacre immediately and protect the Vaults by all means. The All Father ordered everyone to wait until the attack was over to hear the report.

 

When it had come, the news was impressive. General Tyr was able to stop the enemies beforehand. But who became the hero of the day – Loki: the Aesir listening with baited breathes how Einherjar fought the foes, how Prince Loki was injured again, having defeated the dozens of enemies with one spell.

 

But then people heard another thing. There was such a negative reaction when Odin had arrested Beil Son of Belioff for letting Loki help save Asgard instead of honoring him. Since when did the King punishes the Einherjar? And nothing was said about the Prince Loki himself - no care for that he was injured again, utter disregard. And when looking to Thor for his input, the Crown Prince was silent, letting the matter rest.

 

(Some swore that they heard the rumors that Odin threatened to put Loki behind bars if Thor confronted him). 

  
All in all, people were confused. More were displeased. But all were waiting for something to happen.   


-O.O-

 

Odin knew he wasted some unique opportunity – his gut told him that ( _or a common sense?_ ) – to speak with Loki. There was plenty of time before, but… But first he had to make sure his realm was safe and protected. Especially from Loki. The boy wreaked chaos wherever he went and Odin was simply tired. Asgard would not suffer this time; he would make sure of it.

 

Still…  Mayhap he was too strict. Loki has done nothing (as of yet) aside from being humble and quiet in his recovery from injury. Odin vaguely heard that Loki should have had died from his wound, for Frigga… did. But the boy survived…

 

Or – that was all just a façade.

 

No matter where the truths lie, Odin All Father would secure the peace. Putting Loki back to his cell would wait – Loki was still a prisoner, no one granted him freedom for his doings (saving Thor from trouble was Loki’s constant job anyway for as long as the king could remember). But if he did it – thus putting Loki back in prison – the old king realized that he risked blame reflected on his rule because apparently Loki posed as some kind of _hero_ nowadays.

 

Little did Aesir know who they prized and worshipped, who hid behind the masks of politeness and civility.

 

Anyway, Odin was looking for what could be done and he found the easiest solution to his current problem named ‘Loki’.

 

And he was just on his way to carry out his duty.

 

-O.O-

 

Odin finally reached the Healing Rooms. It was the second time _(only the second? hmm...)_ in two months that he visited Loki. Odin shook his head and waited until one _(startled, it wouldn’t do)_ Einherjar opened the door before him.

 

Healers that were currently in the room hastily bowed to their king and quickly left, not waiting for dismissal. Apparently, they wished to leave the father and son to talk in privacy.

 

For Odin it could be a second time here, but Loki would see his ‘father’ for the first time since… since his trial. Odin’s own cruel words still rang in his ears. _But back then they were justified!_

 

Coming to the chamber, Odin saw Loki sitting in the deep chair, the food untouched on a small table beside him. The king took in Loki’s state. Some color returned to Loki’s skin, the horrible grayness of poison faded to usual pallor. The boy had lost weight and muscle, but moved now mostly by himself.

 

(Somewhere deep in his heart Odin was relieved. Loki was recovering; his life coming back to normal, nothing dreadfully permanent would mar his remaining existence, aside from the scar. Loki survived and was going to be better. Frigga would have been happy… Odin himself was content, because knowing that he could have lost Loki as well… He was not sure how he would have reacted).

 

The topic of Loki was what ate at him during those long weeks. The most important question – what to do with him?

 

Matters speeded themselves as Odin found out that Loki engaged himself in a fight but not only didn’t he stay put in his temporary prison room, but had fought and killed with a weapon in hand as well as used his magic. 

 

 _(The cursed insects, coming out from their holes to stab Aesir in the back not even waiting for the dead to rest since the previous attack! Lowly curs, all the better they would all be dead – Odin made an order not to take prisoners. It would serve all others who would dare to attack his realm quite well! And no one would enter Asgard anymore, which was his order for Thor to carry out on the throne. Enough of_ foreigners. _)._

 __  
Until now, the old king tolerated Loki's outward complete freedom. But then he thought Loki weak and powerless, useless if facing the battle. Obviously, he was mistaken about how things stood.  


Even if it pained him to think about it, nothing would stop Loki if left free. 

  
So he would put an end to the possible threat of a dangerous criminal roaming free and when he was done, he could finally stop looking around his shoulder suspecting a trick. 

  
Then Thor could do whatever he wanted with Loki. Odin wouldn't object anymore. Until he awakens from the sleep that was approaching, with chains Odin would put on him, Loki would remain in Asgard, roaming but still caged. Thor was blinded by brotherly sentiments but at least Loki would not dare use his tricks against his realm in the future (what happened yesterday didn’t count)... If need be in forever.

 

If Loki could move, then he could escape. And Odin would never let it happen. Weak as he was, Loki wouldn’t run far, but without his magic it would be safer. For everyone.

 

It just… It just had to be done.

 

-O.O-

 

The preparations for the coronation have begun. Little by little the rooms were cleared to greet guests; the cooks were preparing long term meals. It was way too soon yet, but the works were already in motion. Thor walked like a shadow when he saw it – his mind strangely absent from it. On one hand he was glad for the event. Theoretically he could accomplish so much with the crown upon his brow: his friends would be back at their duties, Heimdall could be freed, Loki would be at his side. (At least he believed that Odin wouldn’t object). But on the other…

 

He would be glued to Asgard completely – now, when some danger stirred in mortal world, his friends probably in trouble. His wife would be apparently chosen to him by his father or – much worse – the council (and as of late Thor was on the bad side of those old men for one reason or another). But he wanted Jane and her smile, her excitement, her warmth. Thor even wished for that stifling air in the desert – not the purest one of Asgard.

 

Thor was fighting the battle with himself and still didn’t know what he wanted to be – a good king or a good man. Being king meant he would have to face some decisions that would break him little by little (such as the execution without trial as his father told him to do - Thor imagined reactions of his mortal friends if they ever found out how the God of Thunder, before coming to them, had  executed dozens of criminals without trial. Mortals were a cruel pack but even they had rules.), it meant settlement down and having an heir (with a woman he believed he would never love); it meant listening to the advices of despicable men whose advices were often vile _but_ politically wise.

 

_(Once more Loki’s words rang in his ears about his mortal friends. Midgard worried Thor. He needed to make sure that all was well and his paranoia was unfounded. Preferably soon. Very soon)._

 

Let father rule still, but then – his father had lost his way somewhere. It meant lead Asgard from under Odin’s watchful eye, him being still weaker to overpower the great All Father. (Thor dreaded the fact that Odin could still take Mjolnir from him). And Odin would never allow Thor to pardon Loki… Thor didn’t know what his father thought about Loki’s situation. Even after so much time passed.

 

So as to somewhat take his mind from things, Thor went to his friends. Just like the last time, the four friends gathered in the quiet corner of the pub. Starting their conversation from Thor’s concerns about Beil’s fate and somehow ending up discussing his mortal friends got the future king in a strangely unexpected argument with his Aesir shield brothers.

 

The questions were mostly about why did Thor focus on meaningless mortals, what care should have Thor for their well being when there was so much to care about here in Asgard? Mortals were in danger? _So what?!_ Also there was voiced the topic of Asgard slowly but surely slipping from any relationship she had with Alfheim, Vanaheim and Nidavellir that were there for eons. It was one thing to enact system of limited contact and non-interference. It was quite another to behave as though nothing beyond Asgard existed. So concerned, Sif and Warriors Two tried to stop segregation from happening better before it would be too late.

 

“Talk with Odin, Thor.” Sif insisted, when her prince was silent for too long, looking at his cup of ale unblinkingly. He sighed when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

“He doesn't listen to me, Sif, he doesn't hear me.”   


“But what would you do, how would you talk the other realms to not turn their backs on us? Odin’s decision came out from nowhere; they should realize it is just grief talking!” Sif stressed. Thor sighed.   


“I don't know, my friends. I don't know if I can change anything.” _Maybe Odin’s wisdom would show itself in the future?_ Thor thought wearily. 

   
“But you _must_ -“ _That_ caught Thor’s attention. And filled him with frustration. He must? _He must?_ Hadn’t he done enough? Why was everyone pushing him?

  
“But what if I can't? What then?” Looking at the faces of his friends, Thor mused if they were also doubting him like everyone else did lately. Everyone but Loki.

   
“ _Then you doom us, Thor_! It is your duty-,“ Sif was not able to finish.

  
“I SAVED ASGARD, saved countless lives and what thanks did I get?! NONE! I am a _traitor_!” Thor snapped. His bitterness with his father for hearing him call his son like that in person after he came back was still clear in his mind. Should Sif remind Thor of his ‘ _shame’_ as Odin named it? Maybe Sif would also mention _Jane_ now? How the woman brought the danger to Asgard? Why not? Was she going to point fingers on everyone?

 

(Easy for her to say, Thor seethed, she and Volstagg and Fandral were not the ones who had to face Odin daily after all. _He_ must do everything).  


“If who is a traitor then it is our Lo-,“ That was it. Who-who but Loki they dared not to denigrate.

  
“Finish the sentence and I'll smite you.” Thor said evenly but his eyes were cold and full of pure rage.

 

Volstagg only then realized what he had let slip and gasped. But... he didn't mean it - it was a force of habit, nothing more! A jest!

  
“My friend, I didn't... I am sorry. I don't think like that.” Volstagg bowed ashamed. Thor stayed silent for a long time, making everyone at the table nervous.  

  
“Then why did you say it?” Thor whispered looking at the Voluminous Warrior with nothing but hurt. Hurt for his brother.   


“I...”

   
“For how _long_ should it continue? For how long should I protect Loki when someone like you degrade him behind his back? I am sick of it…” Thor breathed. Fandral looked at Sif and Volstagg in alarm.

  
“No, no! Thor, _please_. His tongue slipped, he meant no harm-,“ Fandral stressed. He felt for Loki but he also knew his friend was merely jesting.

  
“You always don’t, Volstagg. It doesn't mean you realize what harm you actually bring to others. Loki doesn't deserve it!” The last sentence Thor shouted.

   
“You forgave him?” Sif asked dubiously, cutting in conversation. Thor sent her a glance full of disappointment. The goddess flinched a little. 

  
“Yes. Interesting that _you_ didn't.” 

  
“After he tried to kill us?” Volstagg gaped incredulous, forgetting his shame for a moment. He couldn’t keep silent. Thor stared at him silently. (In the back of his mind Thor caught himself mimicking Loki’s demeanor in how he talked with people. Oh, the Trickster rubbed on him well).

  
“He tried to kill me too. But it doesn't mean I don't understand his reasons for doing so. I have many faults. But so do _you_.” 

  
“We've done nothing to him!” Sif shouted harshly. Because of the startled stares of bystanders, she hissed more quietly. “Never did!”

  
“Are you so sure?” Thor murmured, looking at his empty cup. “You - you all - are blameless in Loki's fall?” On last word Thor's voice wavered, until he swallowed and continued with much steadier voice. “I thought much about everything that happened since my banishment. I tried to understand Loki's actions... You betrayed his trust first - DO _NOT_ DENY IT!” Thor roared seeing Sif ready to argue. “Loki was king and you went after me. I am ever so grateful but you did wrong that day. No one will ever know what would have happened if you... supported him instead of leaving him alone like I did, my father did and all of Asgard did!”

   
Thor became silent. Sif wanted to speak but found herself not being able to utter a word against Thor's statement. She had never... she never thought of her actions as anything but righteous and honorable.

 

She DID make a right choice in helping her friend, her Prince!..

 

(Even if in the back of her mind the little voice whispered: she had always helped only _one_ of her princes. _Always_ Thor). 

  
A sudden resemblance lit up in her mind - her going against Loki's orders alongside with her going against Odin's. Norns above, but _she was NOT a traitor!_ It was preposterous. It was _not_ the same!

 

But... but she...

  
Thor met her troubled wide eyes steadily. Sif averted hers, ashamed. Without words by accomplishment of Fandral's and Volstagg's protests Thor stood from the table and exited the inn, leaving at least one of his friends sink into a reverie, making him wish that that one friend would make the other two at least think of changing their stubborn beliefs.

 

-O.O-

 

The pages of great volume about Asgard’s sleeping potions were carefully and scrupulously turned by old long fingers as Eir was looking for one spell. The silence of the room was suddenly broken by the sound of the stuff banging on the marble floor accompanied with heavy steps. Odin All Father had come. _Finally_. One glance at the king when he entered let Eir know that she had to leave.

 

The Head Healer leaned to place the book on Loki’s nightstand, knowing he wouldn’t be against some reading and ready to go, when suddenly she felt Loki’s clammy hand gripping hers, tentatively but demanding. As if… afraid? Eir turned her head in confusion to look at her prince only to be whispered to quietly.

 

“Eir, please stay near.” The prince frantically croaked in her ear, barely heard. Eir straightened; frowning at Loki’s distressed pale face and his strange request. It was all very disturbing looking for her tastes. Loki clearly was too tense for the talk with the All Father. But Odin demanded her leave… She couldn’t disobey.

 

But it won’t hurt if she stayed in the next room, will it? Just to be safe.

 

Slowly lowering her head imperceptibly in a nod, Eir told her girls to follow her. Bowing to Odin who paid anyone no mind, she closed the door after herself.

 

:::::

 

The silence was overwhelming. Once father and son were facing each other with non readable expressions. The last time they saw each other was during the sentencing. Many words were spoken, much more were not.

 

Odin took some time to look at Loki. _Really_ look at him. Pale, thin, haggard. Weak. Once Loki would never allow anyone to see him in such a state. Once.

 

Comparing to before, now there was no smugness, no irritating smiles, and no defiance. Where did it go? The only thing that stayed was silent intensity in bright too big eyes. The eyes that were anticipating something.

 

Well, better be done with it.

 

“Give me your hands.”

 

Odin watched as for a second Loki looked thrown mayhap surprised that Odin even spoke to him. Then there was a flicker of confusion in his eyes not understanding maybe wondering why it would be the first words that Odin has said to his _miraculously survived son_ (but perhaps he asked for too much), then a weak show of disappointment that was quickly replaced by… horror? (Oh, so he saw magical shackles in his king’s right hand). And finally - understanding of what that meant. Loki’s mouth opened in shock at seeing them, his careful neutral mask slipping.

 

Odin evenly observed Loki’s every expression waiting for resistance and the inevitable fight he was sure to follow. But the look at Loki’s face puzzled him for a moment – the boy looked mildly horrified and disbelieving. _Why?_ Did he think he would go free in Asgard when not secured in his cell? Was he mad or thought that everyone would fall for the innocent act? Then Odin saw Loki’s eyes fall (Were they moist? No matter!) to the floor and his mouth click shut, though his jaw was trembling still, the king huffed. Loki’s eyes were flickering from side to side as if searching for something and not finding it. Odin was starting to get frustrated as Loki refused to give his hands to him. Why was he acting like that? If Loki wouldn’t obey Odin would _make_ him.

 

It didn’t come to that. With a hitched inhale, Loki slowly – too slowly – raised his hands connecting his palms together. Without further waiting Odin stepped closer and in one move secured the chains on too thin wrists, clicking them shut to be taken off only by his will. His touch lingered for a second longer, feeling how cold Loki’s skin was. But then he took his hands away. He was not ready for anything else. His job was done.

 

Ready to leave, Odin heard Loki’s barely audible sob and saw a tear rolling from a green eye. When earlier Loki was trembling, now he was outright hyperventilating looking at his bound hands. He put them in his lap as if they weighed a ton and shut his eyes, more tears leaking from the closed lids.

 

The All Father faltered for a moment, not sure if he did right, but then straightened. He wanted to see nothing more of this act so he turned to leave, dismissing a quiet whimper following him just as he turned his back. A shut door cut any sound the prisoner has made.

 

At least this matter was over and done with. Now he could think of other things in peace.

 

:::::

 

Odin took ten measured steps before his ears caught the sound of something hitting the ground. Dismissing it, thinking Loki threw something in his anger, he continued to walk away.

 

But before he could turn a corner to go on his way to his chambers, there was a loud cry from the room he’d only just left. _What now?_

 

“MY KING! Take them off! _Take them off!_ We’re going to _lose_ him! _Please-_ _Call for him, damnit! Don’t stand there!_ ” It was Eir shrieking.

 

Not really willing to abide the woman’s wishes, Odin though slowly made his way back to the room. The guard was absent. Just as he was to open the door, it was pushed open by two young healers whose eyes widened comically in seeing as they almost collided with the King. Odin pushed past them and stood in the centre of the room.

 

“What is the meaning of this?!” Odin growled in annoyance. He saw Eir crouching above… Loki? Who was lying on the floor? What a poor act!

 

_Why would he ever want to take shackles off? Had Loki manipulated staff to do his bidding? Were they blind to Loki’s nature?_

 

“Answer me, Eir!”

 

“He is dying - with them on it- He can’t live without magic for now, my liege! It’s the only thing keeping him alive after- Please-,“ The woman chanted frantically, her hand under Loki’s head.

 

_What… Loki lived perfectly well with shackles on before. This time was no different – look how quickly the boy used his tricks in magic back in the fight. Nonsense, all of it._

 

“I won’t do it, it is not…” But he had to pause. Loki was undoubtedly faking; he was using magic only yesterday, _quite_ a strong spell as he found out. It was all a ploy.

 

Odin stopped to think. He came closer, not minding how Eir held herself by sheer will so as to not scream at him again.

 

_Wasn’t it a ploy? Using his own spell to scan Loki’s body, he saw the binds extinguishing the last remnants of Loki’s life force, leaving instead of the golden swirling lights the dark and empty space behind._

 

Wait…

 

 _How could it_ be _?!_

 

“Why did nobody tell me about this?!” Odin whirled around ready to rebuke whoever dared to lie to him. His resolve faltered when he saw Loki who was trembling on the floor falling still. Eyes closed. Not… breathing?

 

_He didn’t kill him, did he? Because he didn’t want to kill Loki! It was never his intention!_

 

“We thought Prince Thor _told_ you!” Was Eir’s enraged yell.

 

Thor didn’t. Thor didn’t speak with him about Loki at all. Not after himself dismissing the topic every time Thor tried to speak.

 

 _Oh_. And Loki knew. Loki knew and let him bind him knowing all the same that it would kill him. Thinking his father knew about his magic’s importance and believing that Odin wanted to kill him. After weeks of healing and coming back to life, Loki let it happen _without a word_!

 

Foolish boy! He thought his father came to murder him! He let Odin do it and then watched him go without as much as a back glance to leave Loki die without witnesses, alone! Not uttering a word of protest! Believing Odin wanted exactly what he came for. _Ah_! …

 

And not for the first time… Loki falling from the Bifrost… Loki almost dying for Thor… Loki dying now… By Hel!

 

Weeks of improving lost because of his mistake. Odin kneeled above the lifeless figure and roughly took away the magical chains, before throwing them away. There was no instant reaction, no breath in bandaged chest, no heartbeat in a wrist he still held tightly in his. Odin lifted his white haired head to look at Eir questioningly, but the woman decided to have none of it. Not really offensive but not careful either she shoved Odin to the side and begun trying to bring life in Loki. They had made so much progress – she and Loki both – and everything could be lost because of a king’s… ignorance was a more polite word for this.

 

 _How could Loki say nothing_ , Eir thought. _He did not wish to die so why? He didn’t need to die for the other’s mistakes!_ She poured her own magic in the motionless body in an effort to stir Loki’s own. She needed to give him a push.

 

“Come on, Loki!”

 

Thank the Norns, that it wasn’t too late - Loki jerked as if electrocuted under Eir’s touch and took a deep shuddering breath. Blinking rapidly, Loki looked at the woman in shock and bewilderment. He tried to calm his breathing and stop the tears, new and old, but all was futile. The realization was clear in his eyes. But try as he might Loki couldn’t help but smile at Eir through his tears. He was _grateful_ … Eir saw it and quietly despaired.

 

But then Loki’s eyes found Odin who was standing near the far wall with his fists clenched. Loki froze on the spot but then started to crawl away, even though his hands barely held his weight. Eir noticed where he looked and quickly shielded his gaze with her body, murmuring comforting nonsense. The guard who ran inside at the screams of the healers stopped Loki’s retreating, putting a careful hand on prince’s back. Loki flinched but stilled, finally giving up to exhaustion. His eyes avoided looking at Odin. He did not utter a single word upon awakening. The King’s presence had scared him greatly. Eir would see the end of it.

 

“Your Majesty. If we could-,“ she began but the king shushed her. The Head Healer turned to him in question.

 

“Yes.” Odin just replied quietly before going to the doors, deep in thoughts. “Do with him what you must.”

 

Eir didn’t need to see to know that Loki curled in on himself, hiding his face in his knees. 

 

-O.O-

 

Odin shut himself in his chambers, trying to hide from what had just happened. There was a meeting with the heads of the richest families, but he immediately cancelled it. He didn’t wish to see anyone. The look in Loki’s eyes was still clear in his memory. So painfully vivid.

 

(Sweet Norns, what has he done? He didn’t mean to…)

 

_(Didn’t? Are you sure?)_

(No! He decided that Loki was to live!)

 

_(You almost killed Laufey’s son!)_

(NO! Loki was his… Was… )

 

_(‘Frigga is the only reason you are still alive and you will never see her again.’)_

(Lies! He only wanted to restrain him-)

 

_(Like a dog!)_

 

_(‘All this because Loki desires a throne.’)_

 

_(‘If I am for the axe, then for mercy’s sake just swing it…’)_

 

… Hands obediently lifted to meet the inevitable…

 

(He knew. He knew. Loki _knew!_ )

 

_(Always had known that you never loved him as you did Thor. If… ever?)_

 

(I’ve almost…)

 

_(You almost killed him by ignorance where the sword of the Kursed couldn’t)._

 

What has he done?

 

Odin sat heavily on the cold sheets of his and Frigga’s bed in a too empty chamber, his cold hands buried in white hair. The All Father closed his weary eye and sighed with all the regret he felt at the moment.

 

_Frigga…please forgive me._

 

-O.O-

 

The Chief Adviser came to Thor asking him to attend the meeting in his father’s place because His Majesty King Odin refused to leave his chambers. Thor had no time to ask what happened before he was whisked to the gathering and spent two hours at it, listening to the noblemen and their most important problems of losing money because of the recent events.

 

It was… oppressing, sometimes even cutting the air. Routine government affairs, the tedious daily reports of subjects, an endless stream of petitions, complaints, ingratiating insincere smiles, endless intrigue, denunciations, proceedings.

 

Thor sometimes thought it seemed like he was in some kind of incredible maelstrom that circled it with incredible strength and now did not want to let go. Never let go of him.

 

Once he thought that the throne, the government - was freedom. Freedom from everything and anything. Higher pleasure, real happiness.

 

It wasn’t.

 

Instead he was drowning.

 

_(He wanted to go to Midgard)._

 

Thor was in the middle of judging criminals, desperately trying to override Odin's order from being executed, when he absentmindedly caught the whispers uttered between two young warriors, hearing Odin’s and Loki’s names. Dread pooled in his stomach as well as a flicker of hope of a possible reunion after so much time had passed between his brother and father. Thor caught himself staring at the same line on the paper for quite some time, shaking his head and suppressing a smile at possibilities.

 

Just as he put his signature on the document, the pen slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor when he heard the word ‘died’. To the great displeasure of present people (who he cared not about in this moment at all) Thor rushed from the throne room as if the fires of Hel were following him.

 

Almost breaking the doors to the Healing Wing, the Thunderer searched for anyone who could answer his questions. He didn’t see Eir or Loki, but he found a lady, Eir’s apprentice.

 

“What happened? Is it Loki? I heard- Was there a relapse?! _What happened?!”_ The girl, bold but brave for her station, took Thor’s flailing hands in hers and stilled them. When Thor looked at her bewildered, she looked away, blushing in embarrassment. But then she whispered.

 

“Your father, the king…”

 

“What of him?” Thor had no time to spare.

 

“He… His Majesty put the chains on Prince Loki’s wrists and walked away.” The girl finished sourly and looked back at the Crown Prince in concern and compassion, when she felt him freeze.

 

Thor at first couldn’t get what she was talking about. His father visited Loki? Why ever for? But if it happened, then Odin could have in his judgment _(old man and a fool!)_ led Loki to the cells… Or indeed put the chains… _Magical_ chains…

 

“What…” Thor breathed incredulously, his chest heaving.

 

The young healer hurried to reassure her Prince, quickly stammering.

 

“We- we were able to save the young prince’s life. Prince Loki is resting now. There is no more danger.” She stated with conviction.

 

 _Impossible_. Loki would have made a scene. He wouldn’t have let it happen! Loki would have talked himself out of… not…But if he did…

 

“He… he didn’t struggle? He just let it happen?” Gods above, if there was a fight between Odin and Loki…

 

_But what if there wasn’t…_

 

“We heard nothing, my lord. King Odin just came, took the hands for binding and left. Prince Loki was silent the entire time.” The girl then shifted in discomfort, realizing that she revealed that the staff had been eavesdropping.

 

Thor swayed as he grabbed his head in shock. His father didn’t know about Loki and his situation. He just assumed that all was relatively well and actions must be taken according to Loki’s imprisonment. Could it be that Loki also assumed that Thor told their father about him? Could Loki believe Thor when he would tell him he didn’t? Would it be any easier for Loki to know that Odin didn’t know about the chains because he didn’t care enough about his son to ask after him? How could Thor ever persuade Loki that Odin didn’t mean to kill him, that it was obviously a mistake? Loki would not see it like that. He would see some twisted sense in it.

 

What was heartbreaking was that apparently Loki agreed to do as Odin asked. His father asked Loki to end his life and Loki silently agreed. Because he had no choice. Because Odin demanded it. Because a father cared not for a son’s life he rescued, and was all right with ending it.

 

Why was Thor not there? Why was he always late to save Loki from Odin? Why was he such a horrible brother? Who should he have to smite so Loki would finally be safe? How could Odin do this? Why was Loki playing with his life? Were all of them _mad_?! He was tired of this!

 

-O.O-

 

The news about what happened swayed even the most cold-hearted nobles toward Loki. Many of them suffered some thing or another recently because of Odin’s temper. For Loki’s sake they felt themselves betrayed.

 

-O.O-

 

Loki was slowly walking around the room, deep in thought. He slowly raised his head when he heard the door opening. Thor stepped in, then Sif, Volstagg and Fandral right behind.

 

_(Warriors Two and Sif run to the palace when they heard the news._

_“Odin tried to kill Loki? Is it true?”_

_“Is he all right?”_

_“May we see him?”)_

 

Sif internally cringed at the sight of the Trickster – thin, malnourished, without muscles, slow. If it wasn’t for today’s events, Sif would speak how Loki had to become stronger, because it was a disgrace.

 

Sif watched how Thor rushed to Loki, taking the smaller man by the shoulders and gently pressing the black-haired head into his shoulder in embrace. After some time Thor released Loki and was pressing his brother with questions about his health and if he was all right. Loki only shrugged with one shoulder before turning away so he could go stand near the windows. He didn’t answer.

 

No one could make Loki talk if he didn’t want to, the shield maiden knew it very well. Thor was insistent though and went after him, but Sif put a hand on his arm to stop him.

 

“Let him be.” She murmured.

 

Not minding Thor’s angry scowl sent in her direction, Sif went to sit in front of Loki who was looking out at the sea.

 

“How are you feeling?” She felt strange asking that. But Sif was honest. No matter that it was the first time since they last saw each other; Sif trusted that knowing each other for centuries won’t put much awkwardness in her question.

 

Loki slowly turned to look her way. It was the same half-amused, half-mocking glance he gave her after his releasing when she put a sword on his throat. Only now Sif could clearly see the deep weariness in the turn of his mouth and a hint of remembered fear in the corners of his eyes, still lurking beneath the surface, which was not there before. This false pretense to look unconcerned and indifferent about the fact that he almost died was the reason Sif didn’t let herself excuse the case away and let Thor handle his brother. Thor was too frantic and worried to speak with Loki calmly. He would start to yell and shout, and they wouldn’t know a thing about Loki’s state.

 

Sif did it for Thor of course, but deep inside she was horrified with Odin’s actions and she simply could not hold the sympathy she felt for Loki in this moment inside. At least this time Loki did not deserve to be treated like that, after his injury, after his painful recovery. And especially not from his father.

 

He didn’t deserve it.

 

“Fine”. Was Silvertongue’s short answer.

 

“Loki.” Sif leaned forward clenching her fists. Thor’s brother just raised an unimpressed brow. “Your father tried to kill you.”

 

From the corner of her eye, Sif could see Thor stopping in his frantic pacing, looking intently at Loki, who in turn turned his head and looked back at Thor. Seconds passed in silence as brothers stared at each other, until Loki blinked and looked down with a little sigh.

 

“He didn’t.”

 

Fandral quietly swore, while Volstagg not so quietly grumbled. Sif furrowed her brows in puzzlement. Thor could not stay calm hearing Loki’s obviously untruthful answer.

 

“Loki! Stop it. We heard what happened!” Loki huffed, but it was tired.

 

“Odin apparently just didn’t know-“

 

“Why are you defending him?!” Thor suddenly roared. Loki calmly looked back.

 

“I don’t. I’m just saying if the All Father had indeed killed me, it would have been accidental. Not… intentional… I am sur- believe it.”

 

“You believe it?” Volstagg breathed in astonishment.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything? To stop him?” Fandral pleaded. He sat not far from Sif on the chair, so that to be closer to Loki.

 

“It was not my place.”

 

Thor was going to be sick. He turned away from Loki’s serene expression and too calm voice. Had Loki no self-preservation? No pride? No will? He wouldn’t even defend himself? But then, why should he? From his own father?!

 

“Loki.” Thor restrained his temper. He looked at his little brother in guilt. “Father didn’t know-” Loki interrupted him much to Thor’s surprise.

 

“You know, Thor, I don’t care. I- I just don’t. It doesn’t matter. It is done, and cannot be undone. So we should forget it.” Loki left his spot near the windows and came to sit in his chair.

 

“Are you… are you completely mad?!” Thor cried in bafflement. What was Loki even _saying_?

 

“Your mind is truly a narrow road, brother, if you ask me the same question twice in one century-”

 

“Unbelievable!” Fandral jumped from his seat and turned away.

 

Loki looked down on his hands lying limp in his lap. Sif watched him closely, trying to understand what Loki was doing. Often hearing Thor’s constant complaining during past years about Loki denying his family in everything, it was strange and outright suspicious to see the Trickster just… letting it go? This simple? After everything he has done, what was done to him – to just forget this clear offence like it never happened? Was it because of the All Father’s power? Or that Loki still wanted his father’s forgiveness?

 

Or was it because Loki was just tired? Did he truly change? Or at least started to see his mistakes and tried to fix himself?

 

“Loki, I can’t – I can’t dismiss it! I can’t just let it slide like it is _no big deal_! It is serious and should be-,“ Thor still couldn’t quiet his nerves, he still tried to show Loki that his life mattered and father had no right to play with it! He didn’t know what he could do, but Thor was sure he would figure something out. He couldn’t let it go just like that.

 

But Loki took the choice from him.

 

“It should be _forgotten_!” Loki hissed quietly. The warriors were taken aback at the show of Loki’s temper and his harsh tone. “Did you suddenly forget who we are speaking about? It is… your father, brother. It is Odin. So don’t be foolish. You – you all-” Loki pointed at everyone present, “have already had troubles with going against the king and his orders. So…” Loki’s shoulders slumped, the energy leaving him. “Don’t add something meaningless on your plate. It is not worth it.”

 

Thor fell on a chair, shaking his blond head in silent astonishment. His eyes were distant and hollow, unblinking after he heard Loki speak. Sif turned only because of the noise of Thor had made when he heavily landed obviously without regard. Quickly stealing a glance at her two other companions, Sif saw them standing motionless looking at Loki. And Loki… Loki sat straight in his own chair, not looking at any of them, just down. Waiting. For them to leave the issue be? For them to leave _him_ be? For them to… say him no? She didn’t know.

 

Sif herself leaned back and covered her mouth. Never before, she had felt so much rage on Loki’s behalf. Even when Odin tried her, she understood. Now – now she didn’t understand a thing. Odin All Father – the most beloved king – became a stranger. Unpredictable. Unsafe and dangerous. Capable of anything.

 

And they couldn’t do anything to change a thing. When even Thor and Loki didn’t know how to fight him. _Won’t_ fight him. Even if that was wrong – it was the truth.

 

Nothing to do about it. It was not their place.

 

So they were going to let it rest.

 

-O.O-

 

Just like Loki said, he and his friends let the matter be. Thor didn’t remember such rage boiling in him, like his own lightning’s were going through his veins, not letting him rest.

 

He needed to blow off some steam.

 

After the incident, Loki spent his time resting and getting stronger. Thor noticed his brother often speaking with servants and healers.Sometimes the young noble men and women visited, the guards watching them at Thor’s order. When the Thunderer was not sure Loki was ready to see other people, now Loki himself encouraged it. Well, then. Thor would do as his brother wished. But even if Thor worried, his worry appeared to be groundless – the Aesir simply wanted to pay a visit and wish Prince Loki the quick recovering.

 

To fuel Thor’s rage further were the accusing stares of his future subjects; the older Odinsson was catching on himself, telling him without words that the gods were displeased. With Odin most definitely, because rumors were quick to extend and now everyone in the palace heard about what had happened in the Healing Halls the other day. Which was… very unfair. Thor was not his father!

 

And to think about it, for a long time now Thor wished to do one thing.

 

The suspicion and anxiety attacking his mind day and night when thinking about Midgard, pulled Thor on a crossroad. Asgard stood sufficient with Odin choosing to take almost half of Thor’s duties on himself (that with the guilty consciousness Thor believed him to have after the disaster that happened with Loki), so Thor now had more free time.

 

That made him restless – his hand on Mjolnir was anticipating (waiting) for action, for battle, for victory – to protect and help those he could. 

 

Midgard was just the place for it.

 

The last drop that convinced Thor to take action was the phone Tony Stark had given him after he last saw him, so the Asgardian could always contact that peculiar being Jarvis. Thor couldn’t contact to it, and it was the sign. Man of Iron said Jarvis would always answer. Thor was not sure if he used the little device right, but it seemed not to be too difficult. He didn’t use it before because he had no means to leave Asgard like before he left for Jane when Loki was unresponsive – too many things depended on him. Although now Thor had the opportunity. So when the result after many attempts remained the same - silence from the other end, Thor made up his mind. He was going to confront his father about the matter of mortals, because surely, Odin had suppressed some vital information about the state of matters, so to not let Thor leave. Only Loki’s council revealed the problem to Thor.

 

No more waiting.

 

Finding Odin was not difficult. The throne room was empty with only the king sitting on the Hlidskjalf. The blue eye scrutinized Thor silently, not lingering before returning to the documents lying on the little table near the throne.

 

“Father.”

 

“What do you want, Thor?” Odin muttered, still engrossed in his papers. Maybe it was his imagination, but Thor thought Odin was avoiding looking him in the eyes.

 

“I came because… I will be honest with you. For quite some time the doubt has been eating at my conscience and I want it to stop. So I will ask you about what had me so worried.”

 

It was barely visible but Thor saw it because he was watching his father intently – the uncomfortable wince in those old shoulders that carried so much for such a long life. Thor wasn’t a fool, he knew Odin probably thought Thor wanted to speak about Loki, and maybe his father dreaded this oncoming conversation. But Thor had come because of another matter, even if Odin deserved to be rebuked on his vile actions towards Thor’s younger brother.

 

“Father what about Midgard?” That was obviously not something Odin suspected to hear, because for all of his famous unemotional and hardly readable expressions the old king looked noticeably confused.

  
“Nothing is about that rock.” Thor felt frustration rose in him at his father’s apparent dismissal and disregard of the topic that mattered most to him right now.

  
“Please father I know something is wrong there.” The king huffed in exasperation.

  
“Thor!” Odin visibly restrained his temper. “Forget it.”

  
“No.” Was Thor’s curt answer. Odin would not go without answering him.   


“What?”

  
“I know in my heart that my friends are in some kind of peril and you know about it. I ask permission to go to Midgard and help them.” _If father refuses, then there is definitely some plot here to keep him unaware._

  
“Listen here, Thor. There is nothing going on with mortals beside their usual pitiful existence. I wish to hear nothing from you-“

  
“So it is true. You concealed the truth from me.” _Loki was right._

  
“Silence! I will hear nothing of your silly assumptions.” Odin boomed so loud it felt as though the room itself shook.

  
“I am going.”  


“Chose your words carefully Thor.” Odin hissed quietly. Thor would not lie to himself – he was afraid of Odin’s anger. But in his heart he knew he was doing right.

  
“I am. I'm leaving to help protect Midgard. And nothing will stop me, not when those I swore to protect are in danger.” 

  
Odin closed his eye in anger and mute fury. When he looked at his son, he was livid but the voice stayed quiet. 

  
“If you leave now, before your coronation, know that my anger at you will not be washed away so lightly as even when you called a war upon my realm. If you leave, do not expect to be welcomed back, Mighty Thor for your whims had gone too far. Leave now and face consequences for your actions later. They would be severe, don't doubt.”

 

For one frightening moment, Thor was considered apologizing and backing off, returning to Loki and continuing with his duty. But then, he remembered Jane, her friend Darcy, his warrior friends in New York and the comradery they shared. And he decided.

 

Odin must have seen it in the eyes of his heir that nothing would stop Thor from making this choice. When Thor offered him Mjolnir, Odin sighed in defeat and bitter resignation. Foolish. Arrogant. Disrespectful boy.

 

Odin's expression was that of displeasure. Resigned to change his son's mind. Where did he go wrong with Thor as well? 

  
_Not one of his children was loyal to Asgard. Not one of them listened. To stop Thor here would be for naught._ __  
  


Thor swallowed and looked up. His father was shaking his head in angry disappointment. Not often had Thor aimed such disappointment at him, but even if that hurt somewhere in his chest, he stood stronger. Odin would be proud of him. Not now, but in time, he was sure. Father would see that his son was right. Thor had always thought his father wise – even if for now the All Father has lost his wisdom, it was sure to be back.

 

“If… If you allow me to give you my counsel on the public sentiment, before I go… I ask that you hear me.”

 

Knowing that in his temporary seclusion Odin was unaware of what people were speaking about the royal family; Odin had no choice but to agree to listen. Even if begrudgingly, he needed to know what the Aesir wanted.

 

At Odin’s nod, Thor straightened, his voice that of the Prince, not a son.

 

“Free guard Belioffson, he doesn't deserve your anger, but all our gratitude.”

 

“Fine.” Odin drawled wearily. After that were the matters of the rumors and the need of stopping some of them. One of the richest lords wished to take his gold from Asgard and leave, encouraging the others to do the same. The couple of too bold warriors that wished to take higher positions without king’s orders. And…

 

“My… My friends…” Thor started, but was cut off by Odin.

 

“Traitors have no place in Asgard!” Odin barked angrily, all his weariness gone. Thor flinched away. But he needed to be sure nothing could be done.

 

“They have atoned…”

 

“Not enough. I will not yield to this, Thor. Those two-faced snakes would go on without their swords, shamed and humble. Only banished they could return their weapons.”

 

Not wishing to see his friends banished from their beloved home stilled Thor’s tongue. He at least tried.

 

Now… to the most important part.

  
“Promise me to leave Loki be...” His voice faltered even if he tried to stay strong. He asked with everything he had.“Promise to me not to touch him and when I would come back, do with _me_ all you want. But please… Don’t touch Loki. My king.” Thor bowed waiting for the answer.

 

Odin closed his eye when he was sure Thor wasn’t looking. His heart squeezed painfully inside his chest at the mention of Loki. He was so tired of feeling regret.   


“I will not touch Loki. Now... Out.” 

  
Thor sighed at father's answer. Turning to go, he paused. Maybe if he tried… Like Loki always had done to him, maybe now Thor would be able to help his father see...

  
“If we just go to him together and talk-”

  
“Out!” Odin rose rapidly from his throne, gripping Gungnir in white knuckled hand. “Heimdall will open the Bifrost for you. We will talk when you'll be back. Now be gone! I had enough of your arbitrariness and disobedience. Get out.” 

 

That being said, Thor bowed and turned towards the door. He knew his best option was to just leave. Odin was furious, but there wouldn't be any further harm done, he hoped. When Thor would return they could patch up any bad blood, but at least Thor’s mind would be content in knowing that he didn’t leave his friends in peril.

 

Odin said nothing until Thor was gone from the throne room. When he was sure no one could see him, Odin gripped his head as weakness and dizziness attacked him. No, he couldn’t think of sleep now. With Thor being reckless and so short-sighed, he could not leave Asgard ruler less.

 

So many mistakes done and for what?

 

In a while after gathering the strength in his tired body to keep working, Odin sent for a page to give Heimdall an order to let Thor Odinsson pass when he would come.

 

-O.O-

 

People just watched as a great change overcame the Trickster. Him being humble and quiet, but also quite helping. It was no secret that the Crown Prince asked Loki’s opinions in almost every important decision Asgard faced and till now they were all precise. At first the councilmen tried to dismiss anything that came from Silvertongue but soon had to come to terms with benefits of freely provided help. It was unusual to trust the Liesmith’ words but they did not regret it yet. And Thor Odinsson was very vocal about Loki’s insight and partake in matters, not wishing to steal the honors not his own.

 

The news had it that there appeared to be some important task that needed Prince Thor’s attention on Midgard.

 

Again.

 

The future king was leaving his home for someone else.

 

Again.

 

-O.O-

 

“Loki- I…”

 

Thor stood at the foot of Loki’s bed. Loki was reading, still not leaving his bed even though it was midday. But the book was quickly set away when Loki noticed Thor’s gravely troubled expression.

 

“What is it? Thor? Brother? Is... Is it Odin? What-” Thor raised his hand to stop Loki’s anxious tirade. Yesterday he shared with his little brother that he was going to speak with his father, promising Loki that no, he wasn’t going to talk about ‘the accident’. But now Thor was back and he was nervous, but not because of what Loki was probably thinking.

 

“My friends, they are… there is a threat. They are in danger. My help is needed so I… I must go and help them.”

 

The dark brows raised in quick surprise after what furrowed in confusion. Loki turned his head to the side, looking up at Thor.

 

“Danger?” Loki leaned back on his pillows, his hands unconsciously rubbing at each other. “Fandral? Sif?”

 

The older god blinked and then looked at the wall above Loki’s head. He gripped his hands with such a force that he was sure the blood was leaking. Then he stated.

 

“Humans.”

 

Loki watched Thor’s face silently. Thunderer couldn’t hide his flinch when Loki laughed softly and turned away.

 

“Of course you must.” All Thor’s strong demeanor he wished to uphold left him instantly, hearing Loki talk that way. Guilt ate at him for what he was to do, but he just must, he must- It was not forever, he would be back soon-

 

“Loki, I…” But Loki surprised him yet again, when he shook his head, his eyes big and honest. Trusting.

 

“Go. Go, Thor. It’s all right. I understand.”

 

Thor could stay away from his brother not a second longer. The bed sagged under Thor’s weight as he sat near Loki and nestled the black head to his. Loki let him, even though his hands were clasped tightly together. Thor let the silence remain until he covered pale hands with his own.

 

“Loki.” He whispered.“ I made father swear that he wouldn’t harm you in any way-“

 

“He wouldn’t.” Loki chuckled humorlessly. “I’m sure one time to bring me down was enough. Until you return, I hope nothing will happen.”

 

After that Thor put all his effort in reassuring his little brother that he was not abandoning him alone, that Midgard would give him more purpose than Asgard now. That with father ruling and their friends near Loki had nothing to worry about. That he was sure that Heimdall would call him if anything happens. Loki only nodded and even asked to say hello to Jane Foster and that he received her thanks. Thor hugged him gratefully and hesitated seeing Loki suddenly not sincerely glad for Thor but rather saddened and hurt that his brother was leaving him behind.

 

At last turning to face Thor, Loki put his hand on the broad chest awkwardly, "Go speak with the council, brother. They too should know before you are gone.”

 

Thor caught Loki’s neck by both hands until his brother turned away. “I _promise_ I will be back before you know it, brother. I _promise_ I’ll come back to you!”

 

The younger god at first didn’t look at Thor not acknowledging the Thunderer’s words in any way, he just sat staring in the distance, thoughts miles away. Loki’s neutral expression made Thor shift agitatedly. Even if Loki understood, it didn’t mean he was liking it. And Loki was clearly not, judging from the tightness of those clever eyes and the downturn of those thin lips. But before the older god could start to actually worry for Loki’s silence, said god turned to him and smiled, nodding.

 

“I believe you, Thor. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Go.”

 

Thor hesitated not quite sure about Loki, but he really had to go. Heimdall was waiting.

 

Saying farewell and closing the door, leaving Loki alone was by the most the hardest decision Thor has had to make.

 

-O.O-

 

Aesir watched Thor go in various states of mind. Angry, they called him a _deserter_ , who abandoned his place and left without any thought of how they would live. _Ungrateful_ , hissed raging citizens who supported the Crown Prince’s every deed for years. A _traitor_ who chose mortals over his own kin, his people… his _brother_.

 

Chose those who defeated Loki. The rumors flew in the palace that apparently someone heard how Loki shared some bits of information about his time on Midgard and about mortals who Thor was fond of. Mortals, who together beat Loki in his broken state, in his lowest after his near death in the void.

 

Who heard it were not too pleased with it, affronted on Loki’s behalf.

 

Who was Thor Odinsson even loyal to anymore?

 

-O.O-

 

People of Asgard were proud. They weren’t used to unpredictability and madness. Who was Odin if not mad seeing as he cut Aesir from visiting the great houses in Vanaheim, when he cut the trading with Elves, depriving the high born from beautiful materials for clothes as well as amazing delicacies that always were popular on the feast tables? New metal for weapons stopped coming.

 

So maybe Odin All Father meant to kill them? Why, he could. But they wouldn’t let him. Hearing rumors flying in the royal palace how Odin was ready to sacrifice Aesir lives – not only warriors’ but women’s and children’s…

 

They needed someone to bring back the treaties that were before. Someone who would be capable to talk other realms out of estranging Asgard. Someone who showed himself brave and loyal to the Realm Eternal. Someone they were fools of not letting rule before.

 

-O Loki’s POV O-

 

When Loki heard the voices - many voices - coming his way, he quietly padded to his favorite chair and sat on it, waiting. For a better impression, he took a book from the near table and opened it on a random page, pretending to be deeply engrossed in plot.

 

He was ready.   


After three curt knocks, the doors were opened to reveal Odin's war council surrounded by the Royal Einherjar entering his small chamber. At the head were the Three Elders, old scholars wearing long thick robes. But all attention was focused on the one who was in the middle, because he carried… Gungnir, the spear gold and shining, magnificent.

 

The attribute of the king.

 

"Loki Odinsson. Asgard asks you to take the honor of receiving the great weapon Gungnir and ascend the throne of Asgard."  


And Loki had thought.

 

 _Finally_.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: As you can guess it was the culmination. The final chapter would be full of Loki. And then a short epilogue, I think.

 

Ehehe ^-^.

 

Thank you for reading!

 

 


	9. Retribution

A/N: If you’ve noticed, my whole story is written from POVs of many people, but never Loki’s. So here we have it – a tale from Loki’s point of view. Thank you for sticking around with me alongside this whole story, I love you all C:

 

(If say truthfully, originally I had another ending in mind, but decided that this was, well, better.  Anyway, it’s not important anymore, now is it?).

 

Many thanks to Mademoiselle.Claire for helping me with some ideas and krystal lazuli for beta’ing!

 

I’ll post a little epilogue after this (tiny tiny) and then we are done.

 

Please, enjoy!

 

~ Chapter 9 ~

 

~ Retribution ~

 

Loki POV

 

He had never expected to open his eyes again. Death whispered in his ear too many times to not recognize _Her_ presence. And _She_ was definitely whispering to him as he lay there on enemy lands. His chest torn apart, his spine shattered, his lungs too tight to breath, his limbs numb… _something wrong_ crawling up in him, his blood freezing in his veins… and his world reduced to the only special person holding him in their strong arms.

 

_But... But he was not ready… It was just a simple wound, grave but maybe... He was just panicking, just-_

 

But he was a fool after all. Something in him felt so _so_ wrong, not like anything he had felt before. Deny as he would, it was fatal.

 

No one, not even Thor would save him now. If his magic would be able to withstand the poison, it would be nothing but a miracle. And as the life showed Loki again and again – he was never that lucky.

  
He was going to die…

  
It was scary, the realization, the waiting of inevitable that rushed at him with the speed of light. He was so _afraid_ for those first moments - terrifying changes in his body already in motion. 

 

But then… the blonde head appeared above him, the blue of eyes so intense and suddenly Loki forgot to be afraid. He _remembered_ _why_ he had made that choice that led him here and so he slowly let himself calm.

 

If he was to die, then at least this time it was not by his own hand – this time it was as he had always dreamed as a little boy – by doing something honorable.

 

And for Loki there was nothing more sacred than to honor his mother, even if only by avenging her.

 

That whole mission in The Dark World was constructed on this awful need to destroy Frigga’s murderer. But seeing as it was invented by Thor – well, no wonder it was meant to get someone killed. Loki was sure he would be able to escape with his wits and released magic (Thor’s joke was so not funny) and finally disappear. Asgard showed itself not as safe as he wanted it to be when some dull woman from some backward world was able to unleash forces so great and ancient it was not even amusing. Moreover, of course it was someone Thor knew. Typical, because everything always revolved around the golden boy. It was his brother’s woman.

 

(Interesting that bringing so much harm in another realm, deaths of some _irreplaceable_ people, Jane Foster was important enough to go on treason for, go on a deadly mission for, betray those you knew for centuries - for her. But! Loki was no Thor after all, to treasure fleeting, too short lives of mortals instead of keeping safe someone like their _mother!_ )

 

Loki suspected that the Aether couldn’t be destroyed (like, never - but who asked his opinion, hm?) and that they would have to fight. Thor told him to protect Jane and he did just that. No matter their fights, Loki knew Thor cared for that woman and his brother just wouldn’t overcome another death of a person close to him.

 

There was a crucial moment when he could have disappeared – _blink_ and he is gone. No Loki to put back in a cell forever, his usefulness no longer needed. Thor’s woman was safe, no elves to threaten her life. The matter of Malekith destroying the world was so-so; Loki was going to bet on him failing. Loki had to just perform a simple spell and vanish.

 

Easy. Right?

 

Right. But when Loki got rid of the foot soldiers and saw Thor – strong, fair, mighty Thor – being beaten into the dirt by the Kursed, barely standing on his knees before being thrown down again; seeing _Mjolnir_ useless on the ground instead of her master’s hand was… Unsettling.

 

 _Unacceptable_.

 

As if the truest canon was crumbling before his eyes, like everything he ever believed in – in Thor and his invincibility from any a foe – was falling short of false.

 

Loki believed in Thor.

 

He always did.

 

And he didn’t want to believe in anything else. Least of all that Thor could fall.

 

So it wasn’t even a choice at all.

 

Later, when he lay bleeding, his hands shaking, his life escaping him - there was no regret. Thor had his whole life before him, so much for him to do and experience. Loki? What did Loki even have anymore to struggle for? Home? Purpose? Parents? Friends? Lovers?

 

At least he died not alone…

 

He _was_ sorry. Loki was glad he told his brother that.

 

Thor, whose eyes were tortured with knowing that Loki would die. Not that Loki could do anything to change that, but his brother was there, his last comfort before he would be gone. It was unneeded to mention Odin, of course, that man had nothing to do with anything in Loki’s life anymore. But Loki understood why Thor said that.

 

Sharp pain eventually dulled. Sounds quieted. His body has gone numb. It became too hard to stay conscious. It was cold, then dark. Then…

 

Nothing.

 

-O.O-

 

When he opened his eyes and saw Thor, for a moment he thought that it was Valhalla and Thor had… died too. It was not so bad if to think about it. Thor looked at him with so much joy and happiness – it must truly be Valhalla.

 

_He was so glad Thor was here with him…_

 

But then the sight of familiar walls, the chamber, _Asgard…_ his mind thought sluggishly, but came to one simple confusing conclusion.

 

He hadn’t died. He was – _oh Gods above!_ – his chest was aching indescribably! He still felt the unknown echoes of past agony that made him shudder, he also vaguely remembered himself screaming. Like his organs were tearing inside him, it was hard to breathe, his body too hot and burning, never able to cool down...

 

But... the only thought aside from that _it hurt_ that played in his mind was not joy in surviving. Far from it. It was guilt. Why was _he_ alive? _Her_ life was more important than his. Mother…

 

And then Thor was holding him so tight, as if afraid Loki would disappear, he was holding him close to his heart, a heart that was beating too fast, Thor was embracing him like the brother Loki always loved. The kind touch, the warmth, and the care… no wonder he broke down. Tears – of pain, of relief and anger - wouldn’t stop but Loki let them fall. He hurt, physically and mentally. It was too much for him to comprehend at once. 

 

But Thor’s presence soothed his pain and gave the sense of security. For the time being with Thor there he was safe, so he gratefully succumbed to a peaceful sleep.

 

-O.O-

 

Waking up later (still surprising, but apparently the drugs that occupied almost all his blood did their job well) and seeing Thor sitting at his bedside, Loki thought (albeit slowly) that the whole situation was nothing but _bizarre_. Thor was looking at him… with love? What had he even done to make the oaf so completely absorbed in his wellbeing? Died? (First time Loki did it, he was thrown to the ground not so kindly by the same brute at their first meeting). All Loki had done was… protecting the idiot, but somehow Thor never cared so much centuries ago when his little brother did the same thing constantly.

 

Had Thor really changed? Was Loki to trust him and be disappointed again or… Could he let Thor close?

 

Those thoughts were distant, unclear, because he was still feeling _awful_. That was first on his mind every time he opened his eyes.

 

_(He felt terrible. Not the worst he endured but slowly coming close to the top of the list. Unnatural damned force. Loki knew he was resilient but damn if he wouldn’t want to be spared the experience)._

 

Especially in his catastrophic state. Carefully examining himself, the real pain and injury was what surprised him most. No, not surprised. _Horrified him._

 

Fever, heaviness in lifting _a finger_ , nausea, headache, and _oh_ how it burned in his chest. Like something was crawling, like insects in his wound, he could feel it… his lungs never getting enough air, stop stop _stop_!

 

He panicked when he couldn’t feel his magic, he wanted to cry out, to get it back back back but all he felt was pain pain pain…

Loki did suffer from wounds in his life – he wore scars of many battles on his body. If only Thor knew… Mighty warriors, fighters, honorable men… Loki would have been interested in how long those men and women of Asgard would sing about their strength and value and fear-not attitude, if put them in the hands of those Loki was shortly after his fall? How much arrogance would be extinguished if they knew what fear was, what true pain was…

 

They would never understand.

 

But to Hel with them.

 

This wound though took more from him than any other regarding patience and actually not giving up. And all because of vile elves’ bloody darkness (thank you, Thor, again for destroying them all). They deserved it for what he was going through.

 

What was maddening was how slow he had become, his mind no longer quick as it had always been. Pity. _But_ – it was temporary, which brought hope, because no matter what Eir said, Loki was still slightly fearful of not waking up every time he closed his eyes.

 

There was also the revolting foreign magic, making him not Loki but some sort of whining weak crybaby. Where was his stamina that endured so much? Where was his steel will that relieved even the most horrible tortures? Gone. 

 

Instead there was a creature that _felt_ and everybody could see his emotions.

 

At least Thor wasn’t complaining.

 

Even more when Thor asked him about what happened that day in Svartalfheim, Loki told him. Told him as if he was again only a few centuries old, still running to his big brother to share what he knew. The experience did not leave him unharmed because even the sight of his hand – _you ugly poor thing_ – was reminding him of that moment of white hot explosion inside him, then agony, then pain at colliding with the ground and then…

 

Well… Thor knew now.

 

Then somehow Loki asked a completely reasonable question. _What now?_ He wasn’t sure ( _he actually was_ ) but it was unlikely the future he was to see would be enjoyable. And really – was it worth it?

 

And Thor. Stupid, idiotic moron, looking at him with hope and guilt and trepidation. Asking him to hold on. For _what_? What did he have but Thor?

 

‘Your birthright was to die!’ (… Asshole).

‘Oh, the bastard son. I thought Odin killed you. I would have.’ (Burn in Hel).

‘Those plans no longer matter.’ (Arrogant bastard).

‘You think you know pain?’ (Yes, I DO!)

‘When I grow up I would hunt the monsters and slay them all! Just like you, father.’ (Go ahead, Thor).

‘Betray him and I'll kill you.’ (Uhuh).

‘That hope no longer exists to protect you.’ (Uhuh).

‘And now this world should suffer for your imagined slights?’ (You damn…)

‘Then I don't have to obey you.’ (Die, traitor!)

‘There is always hope your brother will return to us.’ (…)

‘No, Loki.’

 

Yes, well…

 

But then again did he need anyone besides Thor? Did he truly?

 

 _‘It’s alright… You are safe now... Try to get better… Please...’_ Don’t leave me.

 

Maybe… maybe they _would_ be able to make it work. Together.

 

_‘For you.’_

 

-O.O-

 

He couldn’t concentrate, it hurt, he wanted, needed it to stop, to someone to tell him that everything was going to be all right, that he was not alone, please someone… He wanted to fall unconscious but instead he was _feeling_ it…

 

And when he was sure that it was the end, that his body was succumbing to the agony of the absence of magic, his core burning, there was a light. Like a drowning man he gripped that torrent of so needed seidr and almost wept in gratitude. It was still not enough, but at least he could breathe again.  

 

Familiar kind face greeted him, the calloused hand softly touching his face. The Head Healer. _Eir_. Oh, how he missed her! Memories of visiting these Halls every time he had a free moment to spare to be a nuisance or on the contrary – a diligent student to absorb the knowledge he was immensely interested in – emerged in his mind like a forgotten happy dream. Eir acted as if nothing had changed between them and Loki was warmed by the mere thought of it.

 

_He had been always welcomed here…_

 

Eir was… she was a gift. After the news that Frigga was dead (Loki would never forgive Thor and Odin for dismissing his need to know, for denying him to attend the funeral, he would _never_ forgive them) that he would never see his mother again, the kindness Eir showed to him was most needed. Loki didn’t even realize how much… He couldn’t forget how Eir held him and comforted him after he found out – after so long – what truly happened to his mother. The fact that even in death he and Frigga were so similar, broke the dumb down and Loki was crying like a boy. Crying for the first time in a long while (his breakdown in the cell notwithstanding – then he was simply in hysterics). But feeling cared for, feeling the touch of the person that was not hurting him, was… freeing. After that he slept and dreamed about Frigga.

 

The pain in his soul was still there, and would apparently never leave it, but having the opportunity to _mourn_ in piece gave him his personal little peaceful feeling.

 

But mostly Loki was just so glad to see Eir again. At first, he could hardly believe the woman was so nice to him. Eir and her protégés. Loki forgot that some people were kind to him, wanted to make him feel better for free. These feelings of trusting and gratefulness reawakened long forgotten notions of the man Loki was before. People who should not care for him at all gave him more than his so-called family ever did… He could be cruel to those who hurt him, but to those who were kind, Loki would never do anything harmful. Overall Loki treasured such people because in the span of his life they were… so few. And no matter what others would say – Loki would see them prosper under his watch.

 

-O.O-

 

It was not as simple in the beginning as he thought. And not because of Thor’s constant presence or people’s questions and qualms of why he was still alive. On the contrary – Thor was most eager and hopeful to see him back on his feet; people were kind and helpful to him. Goodness, Odin even visited him when he was bedridden and weak as a kitten – an easy prey to a predator. Unconsciously Loki felt the presence of the All Father, his aura, his force that left a trace even after so many days passed after his awakening. Only much time later Loki realized that the old man came _to see how he was doing_ when nobody was looking. Odin surprised Loki in his temporary softness while Loki was healing. The man couldn’t make himself be his old cruel harsh self, seeing his relic writhe in pain and delirious in fever for saving his only son’s life. Worthless sentiments.

 

Especially after Loki found out what would happen later.

 

On one hand the most astounding thing was his absolute freedom. It was… was… _delightful_! The fact that he couldn’t be shackled because he would die only added to the joy Loki felt when he was feeling more or less fine and not moaning in pain (not faked more times than not, regrettably). He had only two guards who stood at his doors, but what did Loki get? Those men befriended him. Him. Whom they had duty to guard. Lowered _their guards_ down. Ehehe.

 

But on the other hand, his constant friend – paranoia – showed its ugly head. Thor assured him all was well and he was safe. _Safe!_ How ludicrous. In his state he was like a present tied by a blue ribbon, ready to be taken away. And no, Thor, to trust that you would protect me was out of the question.

 

So he needed a weapon.

 

And so he has got himself a weapon.

 

No matter how sad it was, Loki was familiar with his brother’s bursts of violence. It was not surprising that in his anger mixed with worry Thor lost control and hurt him. Predictable. But to see sincere guilt in the blue eyes and hear ‘Sorry’ was strangely comforting. So what if Loki played on Thor’s emotions a little? _Well, you shouldn’t have left bruises, Thor. Ah, yes. And leave me in a godforsaken storm, buffoon, having no sense to at least carry my body away in some safe place so it would not be thrown around like a trash and damaged even more than it was by the damn whirlwind!_

 

Serves you well.

 

-O.O-

 

Not surprising, he guessed as he lay in bed, that Thor was the only one he saw. Who else in Asgard would care about his well-being beside the healers and only because it was their job? Odin? His nonexistent friends?

 

It _was_ quite understandable.

 

So when Thor bombarded him with the stories of how many people asked after him and his health, Loki was… quite confused to say the least. Was Thor lying to make him feel better? Because if yes, then it was crueler that if his brother stayed silent.

 

But with more and more stories, more and more names Loki frantically realized that it was truth. When was the last time people noticed him, asked after him like he mattered…

 

There was a burn in his eyes and he needed Thor to stop talking…

 

As days passed and Loki watched his surroundings, with a peculiar ache in his chest he grasped…

 

The people - _Aesir!_ \- treated him with care, compassion and carefulness. Where did it all come from was a mystery for him. Everything Loki remembered was nothing that he had now. It was strange, it was exhilarating, it was... eyes opening. Maybe he had indeed judged some Aesir wrong. Maybe it was unseemly to put every single man or woman on the same level. Maybe Frigga was right about his perceptiveness - how others treated Loki didn't measure with how Odin or Thor treated him.   
  
Maybe he was just tired of being wrong about people, seeing as everyone lately treated him as trash or worse. So it was better to be wrong in a good way after all. Such a pleasant surprise. Heartwarming when the only thing residing in his chest was cruel bitter cold. 

 

And Beil. Another soul that did not ignore his existence. Of course Loki remembered him, he remembered everyone he was one way or another acquainted with. And Beil was a good lad. Slightly older than him but without intolerable arrogance that turned Loki away from others if he saw even a glimpse of it. And Beil was also a sneaky little fellow – he had gone against rules and taken a place guarding him, which was nice considering they were once tied too close and could support one another if need be. (Tis a treason to conspire with a criminal, Beil, uhuh).

 

Only that they had met when Loki was ready to rip his hair from his head so as to just for a second redirect that pain that wreaked his body was a sad thing. It was then that all his frustrations and rage came out in the open because… because it was unbearable to keep inside! He was fed up with his condition, when there was nothing he could do but endure - no magic, no strength, no _nothing_! He was weak, defenseless, helpless, pathetic!

 

He just wanted…

 

He wanted many things. To stop hurting. To be able to stand. To walk in the garden and smell flowers. To see stars. But one thing he wanted in particular... Someone’s presence. Someone who knew what to _do_. Someone who could effortlessly soothe his aches. Who was powerful and knowledgeable. Who knew him (or… Loki thought he did). Let him look at him in indignation, in exasperation, in anger, but… at least he would _look_ at him…

 

Loki wanted many things.

 

It didn’t mean he would get them.

 

Oh, well. Picking at Thor’s stupid armor was satisfying enough. 

 

-O.O-

 

Even Thor’s mortal woman expressed her gratitude for his help and wishes for his recovery. Loki remembered how when Thor finished relaying her message Loki quickly schooled his face to not let out his true feelings. That… intolerable woman came here, not before sticking her nose in matters that were far away from her rights to know, jeopardizing everyone in Asgard, essentially was the reason his mother was killed and then after leaving to her beloved hole in Midgard stayed there to live her life like nothing happened. Be it his will, he would try her for a list of crimes and put her in a cell not different from his own – to stay there until the end of her pathetic days. A filthy mortal whose fault was almost ruining Asgard. Little bug under his feet who thought herself worthy to walk alongside gods. Who dared to strike him as if she had a right. It didn’t hurt, it mostly amused him, but the gal…

 

But of course, Loki was _so_ grateful for her hollow words regarding his health.

 

-O.O-

 

Sometimes when Thor was busy leading Asgard, and Loki stayed alone with his thoughts, he was burning with frustration. All because of _Thor_!

 

How dare he care so? How dare he be so trusting and loving as if all wrongs were suddenly forgotten?

 

_How dare his heart feel the same for that oaf?!_

After everything his life had become, there was no place for wretched sentimentality!

 

Only that somehow there apparently _was_ just that kind of place - for his brother.

 

Loki was content to forget (for a time) about wrongs done to him even _before_ the damned first botched coronation and simply enjoy his brother’s/friend’s presence. Loki forgot (for a time) the blood on both their hands and pain inflicted on one another. Thor cared for him immensely now, he was there, he entertained Loki daily, he showed that his opinion mattered still, _he was there_. Loki in turn lowered his shields, opened up, shared some fears he otherwise would never have addressed, he advised and led Thor, like the old times…

 

The realization of his steadily giving up his black encompassing hatred for his big brother a little more every passing day was the worst.

 

_It wasn’t fair!_

 

Loki wanted to continue hating Thor still, desired it – because why should he forgive Thor for… for abandoning him alone for years, in solitary confinement… for ‘And after, this cell’ - for saving the universe, saving his love interest, saving Asgard!… for _mother_ (leaving him ignorant, not letting him say goodbye… the bastard!)… for leaving his body to rot _(He would have never left his Jane!)_ in the storm where if the blade didn’t end him, the suffocation would have… for _lying_ to Eir, endangering him again…

 

_(Pity, that Thor still unconsciously could hurt him; pity he lied about Loki being a Jotun. Eir let him know herself in the beginning that she knew Loki was one, but after she couldn’t hold her frustration she revealed the reason for her foul mood – thus Thor trying to copy Odin and deceive the closest people who should know the truth)._

 

Loki has always had a good memory.

_So why?_

There was no reason. No reason for forgiving Thor for some of his actions. Some of them would forever leave a scar in his soul when no excuses would heal it.

 

And still…

 

Just as Loki had no reason to forgive Thor, Thor had no reason to take care of Loki, no reason for taking him to the healers, of not leaving his bedside, for being there for him where Thor never was before in their life.

 

That evening that Thor chose to spend with him, helping Loki stand was the example why Loki couldn’t continue to blindly push his brother’s love awayon principle. Thor was _eternally_ patient with him, he didn’t rush him, he supported him, he stoically endured any insult Loki threw at him when the younger man’s feet didn’t want to hold his weight, he held him when Loki was ready to give up from pain. Even with his upcoming coronation – which was a ridiculous move if to think about people (grand feast and resources spent on the celebration rather than paying Asgard’s inhabitants that lost homes, positions, loved ones) – Thor chose to abandon the possible ego stroking and servility of the palace residents for coming back to Loki’s apparently already so pestering chambers and putting up with his brother’s foul and miserable mood.

 

The Thunderer would never know how much it meant for Loki. How much Thor showing his ability to act so selflessly towards him made Loki truly glad he saved Thor that day in the cost of himself. These simple actions that shouldn’t mean so much to any other man were what solidified Loki’s trust in his brother.  

 

Thor was really becoming someone else. Better, wiser. Mature. And kind.

 

_What Loki always wanted from him…_

 

To admit it was quite easy. Loki honestly came to treasure those quiet evenings with Thor.

 

And he dreaded the time when they would come to an end.

 

-O.O-

 

Seeing the oaf struggling with court, subjects, and matters he never had the experience to deal with before, made Loki only roll his eyes inwardly. Thor whined and whined about how he didn’t know what to do. And Loki would have left him to wallow in self-pity and his impotence if not for the traitorous voice in his head that whispered to him how Thor was sharing with him, how his big brother unknowingly wished for Loki’s council.

 

How Thor had no one else to help him.

 

So many problems, so easily fixed... if you are not Thor of course, whose ability to think cunningly was nonexistent. A sad image. At first Loki kept silent - what did he care about other's’ problems? Besides, the future king had to start making his own decisions. But in time when Thor would become endearingly stupid and desperate, Loki would grunt something so the oaf would stop complaining and act already.

 

Loki waited for his advice to be dismissed and ignored (why not, it was always like that) and seeing Thor purse his lips looking at him with furrowed brows made Loki only stare blankly back until turning away. After all, sleep was his most beloved friend nowadays. That way he didn’t need to think – about how his chest still hurt after so long, how his mind was full of cotton, how his magic stirred like after your arm becomes numb and then the painful sensations assault it - like the thousands of little needles that pierced your nerves. To worry about how Thor would surely benefit from his help and the people of Asgard would praise him - Loki simply had no strength left.

 

So when Thor ran to his room – all happy smiles and shining eyes - to announce the little victory (a _s if it could be anything else_ ) in solving whatever the case was, Loki was resigned. Though nothing could have stopped him from being utterly amazed that Thor had _acknowledged_ his help in front of others, declaring that _Loki’s_ advice saved the day. This was… unexpected. And really nice.

 

(Of course Thor should have done this all the time – in an ideal world, not only after centuries of neglecting of doing so).

 

But still. Nice. As if maybe-he-cried-a-little nice. Oh, how he hated magic not his own!

 

Surprising that Thor didn’t take all the credit for himself. Surprising, that the people in the palace thanked _him_. Loki was not always as estranged from the people as he was now. He could remember the time where the people of Asgard, the simple people, valued his help when he occasionally left the city. Apparently the servants were also not as prejudiced and accusing as some of the nobles, serving him with kindness and politeness.

 

Receiving such desired attention after being so alone for years… Loki just tried not to let it go too deep into his heart. For such hope had always betrayed him first – hope that the people cared for _him_ , where not even his father did.

 

If not for Thor, Loki would have done nothing, not even lift a finger to help him.

 

But Loki could admit it - he was worried. Odin was raging mad, in a month destroying everything that he had built over the past millennia. Petitions failed, people were displeased but silent. For now. _Thor_ could do absolutely nothing to stop the All Father, falling short at every corner – that with fatigue and constant worrying over Loki. His brother didn’t see the way around Odin’s rule and his decisions and what was worse – if Odin would turn his temper against his heir – Thor would be helpless, powerless and trapped.

 

Loki had never imagined that he would ever need to save Thor from Odin.

 

-O.O-

 

The bright side and blessing from the blasted injury was the favor Loki won of the palace staff and some council members that changed their minds about him. Of course, there were still the ones who would hate him for the rest of their lives, but well. You can’t please everyone, right?

 

Loki heard people had labeled him Asgard’s hero, Thor’s savior and overall a redeemed man.

 

Wasn’t it… _funny_?

 

Even the Warriors Three – pardon him – Warriors Two (Hogun must have used his brain and left before he could to Vanaheim fleeing Asgard seeing as it was falling to pieces - _some friend of Thor he was_ ) and Sif were feeling remorse in them treating him so harsh threatening to kill, when in the end Loki pleasantly spat their threats in their faces, saving their golden boy at the cost of his own life. Those idiots were still suspicious but mostly thankful and overly careful with him, like he would break if they pushed too hard – so nice, when before they didn’t care at all that their words stabbed him over and over again through the centuries as he endured it. But now something changed seeing as Loki Liesmith could be brought down and show his weakness. And only because in their eyes he did something honorable, they couldn’t laugh at his pain. For if they did, then their heads would start flying because Thor would be _displeased_. For once the Mighty Thor stood up for him, goodness! So they wouldn’t want it, right?

 

Morons. Like he cared what they thought about him. He still vividly remembered how they disrespected him while he was their rightful king, how easily they _betrayed_ him, the throne, Asgard, how they literally spat in his face running to Thor like angry children wishing for a leader of their ridiculous company to stand for their pitiful beliefs and severely punish the one they didn’t like… And the others like Heimdall indulged them against Loki. But no matter. Even if Odin ‘punished’ that rabid pack of traitors – Loki now would see them never again having a relaxed life. As for Heimdall… Loki would have to give it to Odin. It was a present to have the proud gatekeeper bound, silenced and obedient. Let him live Loki’s life for a… huh, _for eternity_. Loki could keep a grudge for almost losing his head because of Heimdall, but Loki found it tiresome. Let Heimdall serve Asgard until he is capable. And should that traitor disappoint Odin (or Loki) – magic in his chains would save the king the trouble.

 

-O.O-

 

As the time passed Loki begun to notice many things. Mostly grieving things. He watched as the All Father’s decisions were playing a great disservice to the crown. He heard how people were confused with Thor's behavior: it was blatantly _obvious_ the Crown Prince had no desire to become king but the alternative was still the All Father. And Odin lost all favor he ever had for uncaring and forsaking his people after the Dark Elves’ attack.

 

The grief for his wife and worry ( _what worry?)_ for his youngest son mostly spared the old king open harsh accusations. Only the disappointed cries of injustice from angry citizens far from the palace, rumors of displeasure from the servant class, and overall quiet anger were left. But where earlier there was deep respect, Loki saw how for Odin it was all but extinguished now.

 

Thus begun whispers that Odin was too old to be in his right mind and do well by his people, accusations in Thor’s way that the crown prince choose to care, love, and abandon his home for Midgard and its pitiful mortals, that Thor Odinsson was incapable of saving even his family’s lives. Look at Loki and how long a way he took to recover after helping Asgard defeat their enemies.

 

Loki only watched.

 

Obviously Loki should have let it be and taken some satisfaction in seeing the king of Asgard in a bad light where his people were steadily rising against his rule.

 

But… Loki would hate himself for this later, but he simply couldn’t let Thor suffer in this. The All Father would make mistakes _Thor_ would have to answer for. And _fail_ , for the lack of his own choice in the matter. Aesir would first hate _Thor_ for that.

 

If telling the truth, Thor was a fool. Not in a bad way. More like in a great way. Thor Odinsson was foolishly honest and good. No way would he be able to survive in the political life of Asgard uncorrupted. There would be mistrust, doubt, and cruelty shown to him from allies and enemies alike. The games in manipulation would embitter him. Thor would become hardened, obscure, disappointed in things he harbored only bright feelings before. Friendship would become selective, less honest; the family would no longer come first for the king places only his kingdom above all else. With Thor’s temper if turned the wrong way and poisoned for a long time it would mean devastation…

 

Oh, dear.  

 

Did Loki want Thor changed like that? Hm.

 

_No._

 

So he had to think about something.

 

And so he did.

 

Leading Thor to check on mortals was spontaneous – they seemed to always find another reason to destroy each other. What was it for Loki to whisper a word in a willing ear? To seed the shadow of a doubt even to the surest mind? What was it for the Trickster to begin a false rumor so the others would carry it out for many to spread?

 

Child’s play.

 

And to put an idea in Thor’s head was no more difficult than it had always been.

 

But what a result! Thor got an idea that wouldn’t leave him, he became anxious and worried and then soon – he was gone. (As Loki found out later, it was a lucky guess that the mortals actually did something that stole Thor’s attention away).

 

Thor needed it, because otherwise Aesir would blame everything on Thor when he ascends while Odin would step aside and would _still_ rule over Asgard telling his son what to do.

 

It had gone too far already.

 

-O.O-

 

One of the biggest mistakes that confirmed Loki’s belief in Asgard’s weakening was the attack at the Vault. Odin couldn’t even think to improve the defenses so any scum wouldn’t have the opportunity to attack men, women, and children alike!

 

Loki’s magic jumped to life after some days of that damnable agony and it was so great. Not to alarm Eir and give anyone else the advantage in knowing how well he healed and with what speed, Loki concealed some magic away – so no one would know. It was just a little precaution.No harm done, huh?

 

Suddenly hearing people scream in fear involuntarily reminded Loki of all those times he protected his citizens, laid his life for their safety. Loki remembered that once he was a prince of Asgard, loyal to a fault. Moreover, as the scum was attacking – Loki found out that he didn’t wish to lie in bed and do nothing - like a monster smirking as the women cried and men died.

 

Damn.

 

Seeing Beil rise to defend his home stirred the long forgotten spirit of shield brotherhood, when you stand and fight no matter what. And even if Loki didn’t care much for _all_ of Asgard, he for that instance cared about _Beil_ , who was… Was he a friend or on the way of becoming one? A true friend? They spent so much time together when Thor was absent, remembering the past years and sharing the present. Beil was not afraid of Loki, he didn’t walk away as to not get smeared by the familiarity with the dark prince. Beil didn’t care what other people thought. He cared that his Prince was comfortable and for Loki such bravery and reliance meant the world. Loki was painfully tired of being alone.  

 

So how could he watch someone who cared for him that much being killed?

 

He just… couldn’t. As simple as that.

 

Therefore when he found enough strength to stand from the bed and be sure that he would be able to fight if need be, his knife secure in his hand, Loki opened the now unguarded doors of his chambers and quickly assessed the situation.

 

It seemed like they were winning, Tyr’s growl of victory full of pride. Well, at least the Vaults were protected. Loki was startled when some pitiful vermin ran from around the corner and jumped on him. They were not alive for long. But Norns, they were like ants, so many. Not exactly dangerous but they had an opportunity to gain the upper hand by numbers.

 

Having killed another marauder, he finally saw his guard.

 

Loki’s heart sank.

 

Beil was pushed to the wall and beaten mercilessly, his eyes closing from the lack of air at being suffocated. It took less than a second to appear behind that slug’s back and slit his throat. Clearing the place so that Beil would not be in immediate danger, Loki felt strong and inspired. The pull on his injury was there, but Loki furiously pushed it to the back of his mind, because he had to be focused on the fight. He would assess his health later.

 

Finishing with the immediate matter at hand, Loki turned to his friend. He barely kept his expression neutral. Beil was kneeling on the floor, looking at him with awe… It… it was not a big deal… But the gratitude shining in blue orbs was limitless. Beil reminded him so much of Thor - he too had the similar expressions when Loki was there to pull Thor from danger in the last crucial moment. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Loki put Beil back on his feet, gave him the lost weapon and stood ready to fight again.

 

_(Damn it all to Niflheim, the pain in his stomach brought back dizziness and his vision swam. It would be better if he sat down, but well. His muscles were wailing, having not been stretched for so long and now aching terribly. His hand with a weapon trembled. But he could push through that. It was nothing new. He had fought even in worse conditions)._

 

That stupid fight that Beil started about how Loki should stop and go into safety of his rooms like some coward and weakling was infuriating, but quickly abandoned as they were suddenly shot. Loki’s heart skipped a beat because if Beil didn’t push him on the ground, Loki wouldn’t have been quick enough to avoid the danger. And probably would have been dead. The second shower of shots and Loki has had enough. Enough of this!   

 

His magic was like a breath of pure air – using it again was marvelous. _But_! Only for a second. Because as his wave destroyed their opponents, the drain Loki felt was enormous. Like the energy was sucked from his bones, muscles, his very skin, leaving him hollow and breathless. But so worth it. Finding Beil’s eyes Loki couldn’t help himself, he smiled. Loki felt alive and he felt needed. His magic _helped_. And it was not dismissed. Cheers were heard everywhere. It was… so nice to be a part of _this_. A long forgotten feeling.

 

He was tired but happy. And it was his mistake being distracted and not seeing the danger rushing at him. Stars exploded in his head. Loki couldn't even notice when the ground disappeared from under his feet, not until his back painfully collided with the hard ground. But it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest. Owwww... again... Damn you all.

 

He was only too happy to lose consciousness.

 

-O.O-

 

Damn _Odin_. When Loki heard Beil was arrested, the wave of resentment attacked him furiously. What right did Odin have? Beil’s future could be irrevocably destroyed by that filthy arrest!

 

But if to think about it, it was nothing compared to what followed after that.

 

That stunt with Odin was like a knife in his gut and forever extinguished any hope for possible forgiveness Loki nurtured in the pits of his dark soul for the All Father. It was a big risk playing with his life like that, an impossible gambit and at the time, Loki realized that but still hoped… For what? He was a fool. No matter how much he tried not to be affected – Odin hurt him and hurt deeply. If not for the healers and the trust Loki put in Eir’s word that she wouldn’t leave him, he would be dead by Odin’s hand.

 

When Odin appeared at his room entrance, panic he never expected from himself engulfed him. It was irrational but his self preservation screamed at him to protect himself. Even if making sure someone – Eir! - would be near.

  
Odin stood in front of him cold, unreadable, looking at him as if measuring him up. For what Loki had no idea.

  
There were several ways Loki thought Odin's visit would end. With him being dragged to his cell, with him being praised for his help ( _sure_ ) or at least being _talked_ to.

 

But then Odin showed him chains. No word in greeting, no inquiry about him at all. Just… chains.   


After so much effort spent on that horribly painful recovery... All futile.

 

He remembered how he pointlessly tried to find something in the room that would have helped him escape his approaching fate. He saw the doors which were behind All Father (nowhere to run), he saw the open window (it was such a beautiful day) - if Loki tried to jump it would have been nothing for Odin to seize him or blast him with Gungnir and that in his weakened state (his chest hurt still, so much after that precise blow) would get him nowhere. Of course Loki could have started to scream or yell but... It was not the same as it was at his sentencing. Loki was not sure he knew who Odin was anymore. Nothing even distantly was familiar in that gaze, which looked at him as at nothing. Odin a year ago was angry, was cruel, and wanted to hurt where it hurt the most.

  
This Odin had no more strings to hold him down, no Frigga, no Thor.  


Loki was alone. Loki was indisposed. Loki had nothing to oppose him with.

  
It was a game after all. A game in chance. Would Odin truly do this? Would Odin finally kill him (aware he was about Loki's magic importance or not didn't matter now)? Would Eir be able to save him in time? Could he risk it after so many efforts?  


Would Thor avenge him?...  


Would it finally be something that would open the eyes of the Aesir at Odin's hidden nature? Would Loki's sacrifice change Asgard?

 

Was he truly to do this?  


Did he have a choice?  


But...  


... _father_? What are you _doing_?  


...  


No. 

 

…

 

He had no father.  


He had never had a father.  


As the doors closed it was the end.  


Any hope he nursed in his heart for Odin died. Died as Odin huffed seeing Loki's tears (stupid, pathetic, _pathetic_ ) and walked away, not looking back.  


Odin's indifference hurt more than the unbearable heaviness that started from his wrists and slowly made its way up to his core. The knowledge that maybe it was what Odin meant all along - that he ought to have walked away seeing a small deformed Jotun that cried, left alone in the cold.

 

Maybe Odin got his chance to right his greatest mistake…  


The last thought was of his mother. Interesting, would she call Odin Loki's father after this?  


_(Loki was ashamed to admit even to himself that he spent all night crying in a pillow after Eir made sure his life was in no danger. Thor was not back yet, probably didn’t hear about what happened. Eir thought about taking Loki to another room, so it would not remind him… Then they all left him to rest and only when Loki was sure no one could see him, he broke down like the lost boy he was. He vividly remembered every one of Odin’s move, his every expression…_

_Sure, it was a gamble – to see if Odin would truly leave him to die. And just as Odin turned his back without as much as backward glance and closed the door – Loki realized everything that he believed for the last years was true. All true. Odin didn’t care._

_And so he wept. Wept until the cold spread in his insides, until his lungs couldn’t take any air in, until his world became void. Hope that Eir would save him was his last wish._

_His hope was not in vain._

‘Do with him what you must.’

_Complete disregard. That did it. That destroyed any love Loki secretly still held for Odin in his heart._

_He was left to only mourn the loss)._

If he survives it, there would be nothing to stop Loki from giving the All Father his just rewards. Odin had lost his chance forever. Now Loki saw Odin as an enemy. One of many. Not even that greatest. Old pitiful fool.

 

-O.O-

 

Still, his near death experience (another one, _for gods’ sake_ ) because of no one but the king himself put people’s disliking him to almost perfect end. The fact that he did not resist in walking to his death by an order of his supposed father won many people’s favor and made an enemy of the king. Because who would ever want to put his life and follow the king who would kill a son because of ignorance?

 

_(Many healers listening to the rumors could not bear to reside in the palace and serve the All Father any longer. They quit. Those who could not leave their job asked Eir to send them to work elsewhere. Somewhere safe from Odin’s temper. Eir refused every case, though she told them that she would protect them should need arise)._

Watching Thor’s friends ‘care’ brought Loki nothing but irritation. Especially knowing that they only did it for Thor’s sake. Just like it always had been. Answering Sif’s questions was amusing. Less amusing was seeing Thor’s frantic behavior, how he squeezed Loki as soon as he entered the room, making sure his little brother was still there. But they really had to talk.

If Loki let them confront Odin that would have been an utter disaster. Aesir would have never took in Thor after he went against his king in the manner that would have probably be violent. Or Odin could have punished Thor which was... Better not think about what else Odin could invent. Warriors Three Loki cared not about but Thor did, so... They too would have been hurt. 

So for now it was critical to wait. (Even if Loki felt ashes on his tongue with every word he uttered in defense of Odin’s actions).

 

Perhaps they wouldn’t even have to do anything. The nature of gods would do anything for them.

 

-O.O-

 

Loki imagined himself a bird flying above the surface of water, watching the great force of the destructive wave coming on unsuspecting shore. The metaphors could be used on many things. But the one Loki liked the most was the representation of Aesir as that wave - strong, unforgiving, demanding their justice - going on the calm shore that stood in its place for the thousands of years, like a rock. But even the hardest of things could crumble under the pressure... be it the years, or the loss of the significant part, or the self inflicted actions that led to the crumbling.

And indeed Odin’s deed was vital in the future of Asgard. Who would have thought? So silly – the act of carelessness to the unimportant Jotun foundling was what finally had shifted the balance to Loki’s advantage. A few words to a few significant people and the job was almost done.

 

In Thor people saw only the representation of Odin, thus distrusting and avoiding him. It was unfair, yes. But it would pass with time, Loki would make sure of it.

 

His brother’s obsession with mortals played its role well, when Thor has finally had enough and confronted the confused and unsuspecting Odin about it. Loki would have laughed at the prospect of seeing Odin bewildered and confused at the false accusation Thor would throw at him – if Loki cared still. Alas, he spared no thought about Odin’s confusion or anger, because it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Thor left.

 

Loki _needed_ to heal the damage Odin wrecked – Thor was powerless in this, having no talent for lying, manipulating, and tricking others to his advantage. Hopeless lovely oaf.

 

Therefore, Loki - in his great generosity – would do it for him. No point of making an enemy of Thor actually taking the throne from him. Cursed thing it was, as he found out. So not worth it. Loki would not be long after all, he would just… take some trinkets, declare some laws, guaranty some exit plans…

 

For example, Beil would get a promotion. Once the prince’s guard, then the prisoner’s jailor, and now – the King’s personal Golden Einherjar. That was the reward for loyalty.

 

With magic and a couple of useful relics, Loki would bring an end to any skirmish present in Asgard. Cells should not be empty.

 

Someone who had knowledge of what was going on in the Nine Realms and _especially_ beyond, Loki couldn’t help but preen in situation he would find himself in. He would soon take matters in an iron grip. Collector would be useful, he guessed. And oh, the Vaults! No one would object much if some items magically disappear from the shelves, yes? One glove most of all. Oh, and something must be finally done with the Jotuns. A visit… wouldn’t be amiss. He might even give them back the Casket, hm?

 

Also, long was it, as Loki wanted to meet some creatures to talk. The mortal who called himself Sorcerer Supreme was the one. And a couple of other things…

 

Those schemes and plans would need time and if Thor came back too soon… Well, Heimdall wouldn’t object to closing Bifrost, now would he? Ehehe.

 

It was sad indeed that only the king could break Heimdall’s binding. No more running traitors to bring Thor back. No more disobeying out of disliking him and his decisions. This time everything would be just as he wanted. 

 

After some time would pass, Loki would invent the story that Thor left not only for the company of mortals, no-no, but also to gather allies against the foe that the Realm had never seen before.

 

What foe, you ask?

 

Loki would confess of meeting Him when he almost died falling from the Bifrost. _Accidentally_ falling, of course. No need for them to know the truth, seeing as no one was aware of the truth.

Aesir would better sleep at night not knowing anyway.

 

Asgard was in so much danger and no one even realized it.

 

But they will. _That_ Loki would make sure of as well.

 

-O.O-

 

But that was the future.

 

What about now? Where did it leave people?

 

Exactly.

 

If Odin was so old and senile, if his heir was a fickle untrustworthy traitor…

 

Who was left?

 

Loki Odinsson.

 

A criminal (‘Attacking Midgard to rule mortals? Why not? Surely they need a ruler better than they have now!’), a traitor (‘He let Jotuns in Asgard? Didn’t he try to destroy Jotunheim and Thor stopped him? How… complicated.’), a disgrace (‘A prince saved his brother and avenged the life of his mother. He did all of that in a few days only just getting out of prison.’), a trickster (‘I heard the trickster lost all his tricks. Haven’t seen him do any mischief – on the contrary he was very nice with those who served him, the healers were all delighted to have him as a patient, he even swayed guards to his side not once trying to misbehave or run. More than that – Loki had no intention in leaving Asgard as the Crown Prince did. Does it mean he is reliable?’).

 

Loki would be lying if he said he didn’t hear those rumors. Oh, he did and… kept silent. For all eyes, he just continued his recovery not intervening with anything that went around him. He was a quiet, obedient prisoner that wished for nothing but to be left in peace after losing his mother, almost losing his own life, after the most painful recovery and in the end staying out of everyone’s way. People believed it at least.

 

Well, and the timing – it was perfect. By the time Odin became ready for his sleep, Thor was anxious to leave and people making up their minds - Loki was fully recovered and strong. Ready for anything.

 

So the moment Thor left to Midgard, people gathered together to make a request of Odin to stand down to the younger and stronger ruler namely - Odin’s second son Loki. A bloody revolution as Loki later called it while inwardly laughing himself silly. Odin was furious and outraged – of course, this nonsense never happened in the history of Asgard – the matter shocked him so much that healers were called to the throne room to help an old king when he slid down his throne. Soon the All Father was placed in his bed to recover while shouting constantly that Loki couldn’t be placed on the throne, Thor must! But Eir and her helpers ‘feared’ that stress would worsen Odin’s health and thus put him into sleep forcefully. They assured everyone that it was the usual Odinsleep and that the All Father’s life was out of danger.

 

It was all reassurance the Aesir needed to go to Loki and ask him to take his father’s place.

 

Loki made a great show of being shocked _(Why shouldn’t he be anyway? People_ shocked _him with their absurdity!_ ). Then saying he wasn’t ready and completely not fit to be king giving his history with the law and seeing how drastically and rather tragically ended his last reign as the King of Asgard. When people insisted, Loki reminded them that Thor was eldest and Odin’s heir and chosen one – Loki confessed that he always knew he wouldn’t ever be king. Aesir then rather colorfully described everything that Thor was (Loki kept his straight face by sheer will and in the end used illusion to make himself be seen distressed and bewildered when in truth he found the whole situation so comical – Thor was painted a villain while _he_ , Loki… No, no, too hilarious).

 

With great reluctance, he took Gungnir from the same man he took it from years ago and walked to the golden throne. He walked slowly and carefully – people thought the new king was astonished with his sudden new role and responsibilities. Loki meanwhile savored every second of it – he felt his soul singing in delight and hands trembling in sheer bliss – his plan worked. And the funniest thing – he hasn’t actually done anything to achieve it – oh, the irony.

 

Others presented his dream on a silver platter.

 

Thor’s friends were present as well, moved to the corner of the throne room, looking around in bewilderment and confusion. Oh, Loki would be glad to play with them later… So much fun they would have. Standing a bit far were Loki’s healers. Servants poked their heads at the back. Loki has already promised himself to treasure those who deserved his kindness.

 

And yes. He _was_ doing it for Thor. First and foremost.

 

But for now…

 

Loki – no one’s son, the Jotun abandoned monster, the stolen relic of Odin, the coward, the weakling, the criminal, the prisoner, the Trickster, the Liesmith, the Silvertongue, the greatest mage the world has seen, he who cheated Death - slowly sat on the throne of Asgard holding Gungnir in his hand to the cheers and smiles of thousands Aesir and became the King of the Nine Realms.

 

Just a bit of fun, really.

 

-O.O-

 

A/N: Epilogue coming soon!

 

Thank you so much for reading!


	10. Epilogue

-O.O-

 

A/N: Well, here we have it! All done. I thank every single one of you who read, reviewed, followed and liked this story from the start. You are all amazing! Thank you for reading!

 

Please enjoy!

 

~ Chapter 10 ~

 

~ Epilogue ~

 

"Heimdall! Heimdall, open the Bifrost! _Heimdall_! Do you not hear me?"

  
The ancient gatekeeper kept his eyes forth, not reacting. Thor Odinsson has just finished the fight for the good of Midgard against a dangerous foe, someone called Ultron, that with losses and heartbreak, but also with joys and new beginnings for humans and super humans alike.

Taking his time to be with the love of his life, Thor spent some weeks in the woman's presence. Although, the need to share his victory as well as check on his home brought Thor Odinsson on the Bifrost site, asking for his travel back home. 

  
But there was a sad twist to Heimdall's mouth, the only flicker of emotion on the entirely emotionless face. His eyes wearily found his king, standing on the balcony of the great throne room, gazing at Asgard's awestruck beauty. 

  
The new king has just finished the negotiations with the Light Elves, his tongue guaranteed the best course (comparing to the last thousand years) in the two-realms cooperation and trade, making Asgard a new friend in both military help as well as economical partner for the coming century to come.

 

(Odin's try at destroying any ties were softly dismissed by the new King Loki in the pleasant conversation with his royal guests as no more than the silly ideas of an old man who lost too much and couldn't deal with it).

  
Now Alfheim was to be an ally in any trouble Asgard could find herself in, any stirring. 

  
It was like a check in the diary. Alfheim done.

 

Jotunheim to go. 

  
The gatekeeper watched Loki Laufeyson furrow his brow and crane his neck, as if listening to Gungnir that neatly stood beside his newest (but not unfamiliar) master, a great weapon in a proud hand. Knowing that Loki hid himself from his sight, Heimdall narrowed his eyes and watched from afar - his golden eyes still able to see the tiniest details even from such a great distance as the end of Bifrost all the way to the King's Palace. Dismissing Chief Guard Belioffson and all his Einherjar so they would leave their King alone, Loki stepped to the balcony and watched the horizon.

 

Loki's mouth twitched in a little smile, apparently hearing Thor shout to be brought home. The guardian saw Loki shake his head in wonder, humming, green eyes sparkling in the sunset light. 

  
"Hmm.... What to do, what to do?"

  
Sighing, knowing that he'd just have to wait for the order - be it the permission for the Heir of Asgard to be brought back home after the great battle on Midgard or the refusal which meant no passage in the possible future and a slow tasteless life on mortal earth - you could neither avoid nor go against, not anymore with eternal shackle on thy wrist, left Heimdall wait obediently. 

 

Because there was left one simple truth.

 

“Heimdall!”

  
Everything was in the Trickster's hands now. 

  
_"Please!"_

  
Everything. 

 

"... _Ehehehe_..."

 

-O.O-

 

~ The End ~

>


	11. Author's Note: Sequel

Hi everyone! I bet you did not see it coming? 3

I confess I did not really 'get' some of your comments. Come on. It is a story.  _My_  story precisely - I wrote it how I felt was right and I like it. And just like in movies you do not get to have all the answers. In fact TDW left us with million questions and zero answers. All the more interesting to guess!

But I see that the open end is smth most of you were reluctant to deal with (why though? using your imagination you could get anything you want - I would have been happy to read your theories), so fine. I'll write a sequel. Do not know when I'll finish, but I'll do it. For you. For all of us. 

Thank you again for those who appreciated my work! I adore you <3

So all I can say, wait for it!

Comeback: Reuniting.

See ya!


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